I'm Not Yours
by Abasketcase
Summary: AH BxE Bella thought she was happy with her boyfriend... until she met his best friend, Edward, on Christmas Vacation. Things just got complicated.
1. Blister in the Sun

"Uh huh, yeah we're on the 95 now. Oh really? Shit, he gets the Tom Sawyer room then doesn't he...?"

We'd be getting the Princess room if I assume correctly.

"Are you serious? She's three years old!"

Ah, Sarah, Rosalie and Emmett's little princess. Apparently _she'd_ be getting the Princess room this year.

"Yeah, alright, OK. We'll be there soon. Love you, too. Alright. Bye." Macon snapped his phone shut before placing his hand back in mine.

"Does that leave us with what I think it leaves us with?" I asked while inwardly cringing.

"If you're thinking it leaves us with the jungle themed room then you're correct." he sighed.

Bunk beds, brown shag carpet, and a monkey door knob. Along with other jungle necessities, but those details were the only ones that stuck.

"I can't help but think we got this room for other reasons besides the obvious ones." he contemplated.

I cracked a smile. "You're probably right."

Macon and I had been dating for two years now. Currently, we were off to spend the holidays with his family. Luckily, I had met most of his relatives before so no awkward confrontations were in my near future.

"I mean, you've got to admit, it worked out pretty nicely that Emmett, Rose, and Sarah got the only available rooms in the house left with queen sized beds." he said slyly while giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"It worked out a little _too_ nicely if you ask me." I added.

He laughed. "Do they really think a twin sized bed is going to stop us?"

I laughed, but frowned. "It probably should. Besides, it's only for four days."

He shrugged and turned his attention back to the rode, with a mischievous smile on his lips.

It was obvious he was going to keep this fight up, but I'd be on my guard.

"Ooh, I love this song." I said excitedly while turning up the radio fractionally.

He burst out laughing. "No you don't!"

I stopped bobbing my head and turned to him with a scowl. "Yes, I do. Why wouldn't I?"

It had a good beat.

He sobered up slightly. "It's about masturbation." This set him off again, like middle school students and the word 'sex'.

"H-How?" I asked quietly.

"I've read it somewhere, on Youtube I think. Just listen to the lyrics and you'll understand." he explained.

I did as I was told, trying to decipher what they were singing while translating it just as quickly with my knowledge of perverted jokes.

_Body and beats_

_I stain my sheets_

I shuddered and turned the song down.

"It could mean a number of things, you know? I mean, the only things remotely aiming to masturbation are those two lines. Everything else is just about a guy going… wild… Ugh, okay!" I screeched the end in defeat.

There goes another song.

"Sorry, babe." he soothed.

I frowned. "You should be."

He pulled my fingers to his lips and kissed them, all the while not taking his eyes off the road.

I cringed away like I had been licked by a cow.

He frowned.

I smiled.

"Please forgive me, Bella." He played along.

"Yeah, whatever," I shrugged it off while resting my forehead on the cold window.

"I love you." he said longingly.

I sighed. "And I you," I told him.

The song that had caused this mock debacle was still playing in the background.

"Ah, turn it off! Before I start finding everything dirty!" I threw my hands up exasperatedly and searched the CD compartment on the visor above the steering wheel.

"Jeez, Bella, try not to kill us."

Finding the CD almost immediately I pushed it in, ignoring his comment.

After the intro, he could no longer take it.

"What…. is this?" he breathed in horror.

I laughed at his expression. "Its Christmas hits sang by all of today's hottest artists." I said mimicking Alice's tone when she had given it to me earlier this month.

"It's… it's _awful_!" he uttered out.

"No, it's Christina Aguilera. She's talented." I reasoned.

He sighed and straightened his back.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but could you get a tissue from the back? I think my _ears are bleeding_!" His voice was rising on the last part.

"You narrow minded baby!" I said while grabbing a tissue from the back.

I placed it in the palm of my hand and offered it to him.

He took it and placed it on his lap.

"Thank you, Bella. False alarm I guess." He said monotonously.

I scoffed.

The next song came on a few hilarious minutes after watching him silently suffer.

"Hey…" I said, recognizing the band.

"Yeah?" he questioned apprehensively.

"Didn't you see these guys in concert once?" I asked while full on turning my body to gaze at him accusingly.

He cringed as he recognized the voice. "…yes,"

"Ha!" My voice broke through the song.

"It was one time! I was young!" he said defensively.

I shook my head. "Correction: _younger_, I had known you then, it's not like you were seventeen!" I said. "It was like what? Three years ago?"

He thought that over for a moment, and then sighed. "Yeah,"

"So, I never really asked you about the concert…" I said slowly, pondering.

"You didn't," He shook his head.

I smiled slowly. "I just have one question."

He waited, already in position to cringe away from me.

"Were the flair legged jeans sexier in person?" I asked innocently.

We were both caught in a fit of laughter after that. This band couldn't get any lamer. Tight tee shirts, and of course the borderline bell bottoms.

"If I say yes will you leave me alone?" he asked brokenly.

I smiled. "Not a chance,"

He groaned then, leaning over the steering wheel.

I giggled and leaned over the seat to place a wet kiss on his cheek. He leaned into me a little before we both pulled away.

I sat back in my seat and gazed out the window, at the snow soaked ditches and city lights before us.

After a few moments of silence a loud intro began.

And then a fake, candy voice started.

"You know what I suggest we do?" he asked after the chorus.

"What's that?" I asked, willing him to go on.

"Throw this CD out the window!" he announced loudly.

I laughed while shaking my head. "The last time we threw a CD out the window, at your request might I add, we were pulled over, remember?"

"Yes, I do. And the only reason why we got a ticket instead of a warning is because she was a Joss Stone fan. What are the odds?" He remembered.

I just laughed and turned the radio back on.

"College rock it is," I announced.

The next few minutes passed by peacefully. I gazed out the window at the passing traffic, at the night sky and street lights illuminating sections if only for a moment.

I was excited. Christmas was only three days away. And I was going to spend it with the people I've grown to love. There was Sue, Macon's mom. She was crazy but I loved her, and she didn't seem to mind me. And Greg, his father, was more over the authoritative, sane figure of the household. And Rosalie, his intimidating sister who's husband Emmett always chose me to pick on. But it didn't matter, I loved them. And whenever I loved, I loved hard.

We all got a long great the last two holidays I had spent in Wilmington. There was the fourth of July, spent at Emmett's. He wore a 'King of the Grill' apron, which I had snickered at. In turn, when I had asked for non-seasoned burgers I received seasoned. When I protested, he simply reminded me _not_ to mess with the 'King of the Grill' ever again.

Thanksgiving was next. We spent it at his parents. This was the first time I had seen his house, where he had grown up. It was extravagant, to say the least. Six bedrooms, four and half baths, a game room, detached garage with an apartment, a pool out back settled between the patio. I remember going out there at night when Macon had to smoke and needed someone to talk to. The trees had always haunted the scenery, casting odd shapes on our faces. I remember on the first night there, he was complaining about the location of the trees, because they always littered the pool. Now of course, the tarp had been on, sheltering it. But the trees reeked havoc throughout the spring and summer nonetheless.

Each room inside the house was decorated to a certain theme, mostly children's. The most coveted of all was the Tom Sawyer room. It was the baby blue walls and strategically placed maps and pieces of childhood that gave it its calming quality.

Other rooms always seemed to scream as you'd walk by. The Princess room with its dome shape and pink walls. Dolls adorned every shelf, giving it an eerie feel. But it had a memory foam bed, which was nice.

Macon's room was currently being converted into The Las Vegas room. He fought, protested, complained, and whined.

"To see something so wonderful go to such waste," he'd begin.

But there was no fighting with Sue. It was her house after all. And it wasn't like he or anyone really lived there anymore.

Then there was The Chocolate Factory room, pretty self explanatory.

I had seen it once - smelled the dust from under use - and walked away, hoping that we'd never have to stay in it.

Another room currently under construction was The Canadian Rockies Suite. The room itself was ideal enough, but not the location. Too much traffic passed through, including his parents, whose room was right across the hall.

So that left us with the jungle themed room. With twin bunk beds festooned with automated screaming monkeys.

He had always told me that his mother's choice to decorate the rooms like so was her way of subtly hinting her want for more grandchildren.

And then he'd stare at me for a second, studying me, curiously. Then whatever emotion he had suddenly disappeared and he'd laugh.

"She's funny," he'd say.

It was never something that came up between us. Marriage.

I love him, a lot. I have feelings for him that I'd never experienced before.

I really adore him. His laugh, the sparkle in his eyes when he'd become animated in a story. I just love that.

And then when he'd say it, that he loved me, even if it was just a 'love you, too' on the phone, my heart did flips.

He was the first guy, besides my father, to ever say that to me. And I liked it. A lot.

It was his sense of humor that got me first, not his looks. Tons of guys were gorgeous like him, he didn't stand out. Though, I admit, his disheveled hair and bright eyes were major plus's; it's not like they were unique.

Personality is always the deal breaker. And he had it. The spirit and playfulness that I needed in order to mellow out from my usual shell, was there.

And Macon was always so happy, just carefree. Mid term tomorrow? With four questions each with twenty five sub parts? Only studied on Saturday for like an hour? No problem.

"As long as I got my girl," he'd say, joking.

Joking, he was always joking with me. Most times I found it hard to tell if we was being serious our sarcastic. Another thing I liked about him.

He wasn't easy to read.

He didn't _seem_ observant, always letting things slip.

But he was.

Like when we had gone to a party together and I got myself a soda in a plastic red cup.

I think his eyes scanned to it once in the whole night.

It was Sierra Mist. And by the end of the night I had gone through four glasses.

And then, weeks later, when we were just starting to take our dating to a more casual level, he got me a Sierra Mist without even asking me.

I was at work, and he was buying me lunch. It was some burger place, and he had called in advance to ask what I wanted. I had just assumed we'd skip out on drinks. They were expensive and I could always drink from the water cooler.

But then he showed up. His hair was darker due to the rain, but his eyes were bright as always. Bright and cheery, he handed me the bag of food and a Sierra Mist.

I remember looking at it, bemused at first. When I asked him how he knew, he just shrugged indifferently and said he'd seen me drink it once or twice.

And I just beamed up at him.

That was the first of many times he kept me guessing.

There was no I doubt that we were in love. I was head over heels after the first week. He took longer to catch on, but after a while began to reciprocate my feelings.

And now we had been together for two years. We hadn't had any break ups, but like any couple we had our disagreements. But they were light, and when both of us cooperated, easy to be fixed.

And his eyes, they would plead silently for me to agree, and I would, almost every time.

Though I have to admit, if it weren't for those eyes, I would have never agreed to meet his parents during the fourth of July in the first place.

That's one forced decision I don't regret.

We were pulling up to a 7-Eleven.

"What are we doing?" I asked immediately.

He sighed, running his hands through his hair once. Then he leaned over the seat for a kiss.

"I need a smoke," he said quickly with his hand on the door.

"Here?" I said.

He stopped. "My mom thinks I quit." he admitted with a sheepish grin.

So did I.

"Didn't you?" I inquired.

He frowned. "I'm sorry, Bella. Maybe it'll be my New Years Resolution." With that he got out of the car and walked into the gas station.

I scoffed while I watched him get his cigarettes. He knew it bothered me when he smoked. But I never really pushed him to quit. I mean, it's his life. He only smoked in front of me on rare occasions anyway.

Then he got all sweet and said he'd quit for me, because he noticed my subtle distaste. I didn't protest but I didn't necessarily encourage him like I should have.

Once Macon was out I rolled down the window despite the cold so we could talk.

"How you doing there, cowboy?" I asked casually.

He laughed. "Shut up,"

He rushed the smoke along as we made small talk.

Once he was sufficiently filled he got back in the car and placed his ice cold hand in mine. I was used to it though.

Ten minutes later we were pulling up into the twinkle light studded driveway that led to our Christmas Haven.

"Here goes everything," he said cheerfully.

It was his new saying and he was attempting to spread it like wildfire. I think I said it to Alice once and she just went on doing her business.

I still thought it was witty though.

Halfway up the steps with department bags full of presents in hand we were bombarded by the family.

"Son!"

"Brother!"

"Bella!"

The shouts came first, then the bodies. And soon we were struggling with our holds while they grouped hugged us.

Sue was a strong one, her grasp nearly meeting the strength of Emmett's ironically. Rosalie gave me a small pat on the back. Greg pulled me in and said it was good to see me. Emmett lifted me off my feet, bags be damned, and proclaimed his love for me.

Once I was back on my feet I picked up my bags and looked over to Macon. He was smiling, and his eyes were luminescent under the Christmas lights. He looked so happy.

I knew it meant a lot to him to have me and his family together for Christmas.

Inside, the house was warm. Some children's show was playing ridiculously loud in the living room, and a Dr. Phil rerun was playing on the kitchen TV.

It smelled like gingerbread cookies, but I knew better. It took me two point five seconds to spot the candle. I just laughed and shook my head as everyone got settled in.

"Presents!" Sue breathed. "Set them on the counter, later I'll organize them accordingly under the tree." she concluded.

We followed our orders.

"Bella, have you lost weight?" Rosalie asked, feigning incredulity.

The room grew silent.

I blushed and shrugged.

Then she broke out into her tinkling laughter. "I'm only kidding!"

Greg cleared his throat before Emmett erupted, and everyone sort of followed suit at that.

Typical Rosalie. She had a sense of humor, no doubt, but it was always aimed at making others appear inferior, jokingly of course.

Macon came back in with Sarah atop his shoulders.

"Look what I found." he proclaimed in a feminine voice.

There really was no point to that. He just did it for laughs, which he received.

Funny, they all seemed a little buzzed.

_Aha_, after a few moments of searching I found the wine coolers and a Jack Daniel in a secluded corner.

He brought Sarah over to me as she sleepily leaned forward over his head.

"Up you go," He said in a strained tone as he plucked her off his shoulders and into my unsuspecting arms.

Wow. She weighed a ton.

I tried to keep a smile on my face but it probably turned into somewhat of a grimace.

Sue's high pitched laughter broke through the room, followed by Emmett's.

Man, they must be drunk.

I fumbled with Sarah a few moments before finding a more comfortable position for us both.

The truth was I didn't really fancy kids much. Sure they were cute… from a distance.

Sarah was adorable though. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, just like her mom. And she was quite the feisty little bugger, just like her father.

I gazed down at her for a moment, peacefully sleeping on my shoulder. We had only met each other twice, on the Fourth and on Thanksgiving.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I had to baby sit her for forty five minutes once, while Rosalie and Sue prepared the catered food from Whole Foods on Thanksgiving.

She was a little bit of a brat, using my submissive qualities to her advantage, but lovable all the same.

I just remember being fascinated with the little dimples in her hands. It was always the little things like that which attracted my interest.

She was a sweetheart when she wanted to be, but only then.

I looked up to see Macon staring at me, with a curious expression. But he composed himself quickly and turned to Rosalie.

"Well, Rose, Bella and I are going to head up and get settled. Mind taking care of your little rascal _for once_?" he asked.

She scoffed and scowled simultaneously. "Hand her over," she requested annoyed.

I smiled and gratefully returned Sarah to her mother's waiting arms.

Macon turned to me and smiled, carrying both of our duffel bags as we made our way through the living room.

"Some tree," I said admiringly as I took it in.

Standing two stories high in the available space was a tree covered in white 'frosting' and all the traditional ornaments. I felt a pang of sadness at remembering my own childhood Christmas trees - with random ornaments bought at Hallmark and made during Sunday school.

To top it off, skirting the tree was a fully functioning train system. It was off at the moment.

The books once housing the bookshelves were replaced with the Nativity Story knick knacks of all variety. Precious Moments was the one I recognized. Then there were spoofs and Disney ones too.

I was turning toward the staircase when he stopped me.

"Whoa, where do you think you're going?" he asked incredulously.

Laughter erupted in the kitchen behind us as the sound of someone retrieving crushed ice from the fridge followed.

"The stairs," I answered, bored.

He just grinned wryly.

In the subtle light from the TV, his whole face gleamed wickedly.

I rolled my eyes.

"We are _not_ riding on the elevator." I said disapprovingly.

His grin just got wider.

"Oh, yes we are,"

You'd think that after living here his whole life that the whole 'having an elevator in your house' thing would get old.

After all, his house was only three floors, including the basement of course.

It was pointless really. I mean, I could see the elevator entrance upstairs from here.

I exhaled and followed his lead.

"This is pointless," I sang.

"No it's not," he repeated in the same tone.

It was an awkwardly small elevator, but one nonetheless.

It had one of those old fashioned gates installed that retracted into the wall. It was pretty neat… the first time.

Inside were a medicine ball and a vacuum cleaner. He acted as if they weren't there.

"Where to, madam?" he asked in failed British accent.

Again, I don't know why he does this.

I humored him, "Second floor, please," but not without sounding bored.

"Alright-y then," That wasn't necessary.

Once Macon had pressed the button - but not without making a show of 'which one shall I choose' - he was kissing me. I could taste the smoke.

Once we had reached our floor and the doors opened, he pulled a way.

Biting his lip he grinned wickedly. I just offered him a lazy smile, too tired to do anything else.

He obviously thought he had enlightened me about the elevator ride.

I suppose he did.

"Here we are, love," he said, continuing his accent.

"Alright, stop!" I said exasperated.

A loud, prerecorded shriek resonated throughout the room. Stupid, expensive, motion sensing stuffed monkeys.

He just chuckled and went into the bathroom.

After retrieving his stuff he began brushing his teeth.

I set my stuff in the corner and brushed my hair, not really knowing what else to do.

He came back in and kissed me softly on the lips, lingering for a moment. I immediately responded by pushing my self to him and parting my lips.

He grinned and pulled back.

"Much better," he said,

Always the thoughtful one…

Glancing at the digital clock told me that it was only nine o'clock.

"Gosh, I'm so tired." I said, joining him on the bed.

He rubbed my back soothingly.

"We can go to bed soon, if you'd like." he said.

I turned and smiled at him.

He returned it.

Suddenly we were interrupted by someone shouting downstairs.

"OH! How wonderful! I'm so glad you decided to come!" screeched Sue… or Rosalie.

Most likely Sue though.

"I can't thank you enough for inviting me." came another, unfamiliar voice.

It was a male's voice and he sounded around my age.

I turned to Macon. His eyes were wide and calculating.

It was obvious we were having a new visitor. Sue seemed happy to see him, so he must be alright.

"Macon! Bella! Come downstairs! We have a visitor!" she sang the last part.

And then it clicked with him.

"Oh, my God!" he shouted, jerking off the bed and pulling me with him.

He sounded an awful lot like a young girl.

"What? What is it?" I asked, hating to be out of the loop.

"It's Edward!" he said excitedly.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Who?"

He was dragging me toward the door frantically, but when I asked he stopped.

"He's one of my best friends! I've known him forever. Now, come on! You'll love him!" he said while pulling me through the hall.

From here I could see the kitchen. Rosalie and Sarah were missing. Emmett was still there, along with everyone else, and this stranger whom I was about to meet.

Not even bothering to take the elevator, Macon frantically flew down the stairs, seemingly forgetting his death grip on my wrist.

Once inside the kitchen he let go of me.

"Brother!" he shouted, and then jumped into the stranger's arms, wrapping his legs around his waist in the process.

"Macon!" he said at the same volume.

Sue and Greg watched animatedly. Emmett was watching me, seemingly enjoying my confused reaction. I scowled in his direction.

The man, named Edward, let Macon down. Macon hadn't had enough yet, pulling him in for another hug, though less passionate and manlier - slapping his back loudly a few times.

"It's so good to see you, man." he said finally.

"You too," Edward said.

And then he turned to me. And the full force of his eyes were unleashed. Green. That was the first thing I registered. And they were bright.

He was very handsome. I could think that, right? His attire made it look like he had just come from a nine to five job. His face looked smooth. His hair was another story though. Wild. That's what I thought of it.

Macon nearly skipped back to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me up to Edward.

Moments before he was barely able to contain his enthusiasm, now, he just looked vacant as he studied me, curiously, but differently than Macon usually did.

"Edward, I don't believe you've met my girlfriend Bella." he said with a big smile on his face.

Edward seemed frozen for a moment, similar to how a DVD would skip, before swallowing and shaking his head.

"I don't think I have," He held out his hand for mine.

I looked at it, and then back to him, and smiled politely.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." I said.

His hand was warm and soft - softer than a guy's should be, actually.

"It's nice to meet you, too." he said, squeezing my hand once.

I continued to smile at him.

Once he let go he studied his hand for a moment, and then looked back up to me, and then Macon.

I frowned. My hand felt tingly.

"This is so great!" Macon said excitedly as he gazed at everyone in the room.

I smiled at him, happy to see him happy.

"This is going to be the best Christmas yet," he declared proudly.

Then Sue, being Sue, said "Can I get an 'Amen'?"

And only Greg, Macon, and Emmett burst out into laughter this time. I felt someone's eyes on me, almost willing me to turn in their direction.

I shyly lifted my head up, and was met with Edward's intense stare. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly. He tilted his head when our eyes met.

I gasped softly and turned away quickly.


	2. Here's Where the Story Ends

**Story: The Truth About Love**

**Rating: M for later chapters.**

**A/N:** Thank you for sticking with this story so far. Sorry for the delay, but it is an uber long chapter (in my world at least.) A few clarifications, this is strictly and Edward and Bella love story, but it's a love triangle between them and my silly made up character Macon. ::insert tehe::

* * *

Edward's-Insanely-Attracted-POV

I was just hanging up the phone with the Ferguson's Incorporation when I was showered in colored paper clips. Festive, red and green paper clips that someone probably took a good amount of time sorting.

"What the hell was that for?" I asked Eric in a restricted tone while brushing them off and not bothering to pick them up.

I was tired. Working overtime to make up for the holidays was not fun. I just hoped that Christmas would prove to be worth it this year.

This guy was my friend… most of the time. But I couldn't help thinking he got a little too much enjoyment out of annoying me during work.

"Merry Christmas!" he said, satisfied.

I narrowed my eyes and smiled a tight grin.

"Thank you,"

He burst out laughing then, leaning back in his chair a little bit.

"Lighten up, man. I had good intentions."

I smiled a little more naturally.

"And what would those be?" I inquired.

Just then, he fell back in his chair as the wheels slipped under him. It resounded with a muted bang.

"Ouch! God damn chairs!" he muttered while finding his bearings.

It was my turn to break out into laughter.

"Shut up!" he yelled.

I turned back to my computer, still laughing slightly.

Sales had been slow today due to the impending vacation. I didn't meet my goal for the week. This worry would probably plague me for my time off.

_Oh, well._ I thought.

It wasn't that I'd get hell from my boss for it. It was out of my control, and he was such a laid back man that I doubt he'd get pissed even if I sat here and played solitaire all day.

In fact, he often encouraged such lazy acts. This place was a circus half the time.

But it was me that would get pissed at myself. Even though working hard wasn't exactly what people in this branch did, I still wanted to. Since I didn't go to medical school like my parents wanted – but never thoroughly pushed on me – I had to at least make them proud somehow by flourishing in what I did.

What I did, well, I was a Field Sales Representative for a local printer ink manufacturer in Wilmington, Delaware.

I went to school for it, even though a degree in Business wasn't really needed for this particular job, it would be needed to move up.

Really, the only requirements for my job were a dynamic personality and good schmoozing skills.

I suppose I could schmooze just fine, but my personality wasn't up to code. Not that a Business degree would fix that, but it certainly helped me understand what the customers wanted to hear. College loosened me up a little bit.

People used to tell me I gave off a snobbish vibe, arrogant almost.

I hadn't intended that. I just… see people differently than others. I'll be honest, if I don't like a certain person I won't go out of my way to be pleasant with them.

When meeting strangers I'm sometimes too shy to engage in active conversation. Or I'm too put off by someone's dominating personality.

Going to college helped some. I did get into the party scene a little. So, in a way, the degree in Business was needed for my current sales position.

And I didn't expect to stay here forever. In a field like this where you have to work your way up, personality helps.

So I often used my sense of humor to make a good sale. That was my trick.

The funny thing is I could have majored in Pharmacy and become a Pharmaceuticals Sales Representative. I could've made my parents a little more proud.

But I didn't, for so many reasons besides the obvious.

It was competitive for one, and after college I didn't really want to have to work in a Gas Station until I could find an opening. Even if I did find one, who's to say I'd get it? There would be nothing to set me apart from all the other aspiring reps. Same education. Same experience.

I'd most likely have to move to get a good job. And that could be anywhere from Minnesota to New Mexico.

It wasn't that I was scared of change or that I was a Momma's boy and didn't want to leave home.

I just really didn't care for that particular field. Medicine.

I watched my father while I grew up. It just didn't appeal to me. Even though he was a doctor and I would have been in pharmaceuticals sales, I just didn't want to be in something that was expected.

I guess I just wanted to break the mold. Do something that I really wanted to do, not kind of want and doing it just for my parent's sake.

I shut my computer down and started clearing off my desk.

Eric was groaning and rubbing his back.

"You going to be alright, Eric?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess I just twisted it funny or something." he sighed.

I snickered and put some papers in my bag.

"Merry Christmas, Eric, Edward," Tanya, our Customer Service Representative said as she walked to the doors.

"You too," We both said.

She was a nice lady. At first, she'd put a few moves on me, but I ignored her advances. It's not that I didn't like her, but I just wasn't feeling it. Besides, office romances were a bit complicated.

Since I turned her down – which was many months ago – she respected the fact that I just wanted to remain friends.

It was awkward at first but she'd taken it better than I thought. Most times when I turned a girl down or broke up with them they went through what I began calling the two D's: denial and determination.

I shuddered slightly at the thought.

"I have _got_ to tell Steve we need new chairs. Ours are shot!" Eric complained as he got his coat.

"Ask him about the surplus next month, maybe he'll put it towards that." I offered while putting on my coat.

"Yeah, I just wish I would've mentioned it sooner."

We shared the elevator together.

"So are you going to your friend's family's house for Christmas?" Eric questioned.

I sighed, tired. "Yeah, I think so."

Sue and Greg had invited me as soon as they found out through the grape vine that my parents would be gone over the holidays. It was very nice of them to do so.

Their son, Macon, had been my best friend growing up. We were neighbors. We went to the same daycare, then preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school. Listing these things off in my mind made me realize randomly how terribly long the education process can be, before college even starts!

Macon was a wild child. He had this crazy sense of humor and such a wild persona. But what made him different from all the other airheads like him was the fact that he was observant and smart. He was trustworthy, too. He never dated one of my ex girlfriends. I never dated his either.

Though I was more sheltered and reserved during high school, Macon was a little out there, always throwing parties, always _going_ to parties. But because of our strong bond that had formed during childhood, we remained good friends throughout. Being neighbors worked to our advantage. We often hung out after school and on the weekends, even if we didn't see each other during the day.

After we graduated high school he went off to Philadelphia and I stayed near home by attending the University of Delaware. We kept in touch pretty well at first, but as time grew on we mutually decided that an email every so often would do. If he was in town, he'd visit me. And if I happened to travel to Philadelphia I'd visit him too.

Over the years, through the random emails and calls and visits, I'd noticed Macon had changed slightly. Not in any drastic sense, he just matured a little bit. I could tell he handled serious situations differently, with more thought and process.

He had enrolled in the University of Philadelphia, majored in Newspaper Journalism, became a reporter for his school's newspaper, started an internship at The Philadelphia Inquirer – lucky asshole – and completed it after he graduated. After that, he went on to become a journalist for some local, online newspaper that focused on the young crowd by publishing stores strictly on entertainment options throughout the city. He still has that job to this day. I think it fits him very well.

Another thing he had mentioned that led me to believe he'd matured was his girlfriend. Bella, I believe. I remember he called once and explained that he was in love with a girl. He didn't really explain _her_ in much detail but he finished the call with "I just thought you should know." which led me to believe she must be pretty special to him. Macon never _thought_ I should know anything, he just told me things that were on his mind. If he forgot to tell me something, he wouldn't call me back right away like a girl, he'd just let it slip and tell me the next time… if he remembered.

Macon was never a player, but he dated his fair share of girls. I don't really know if he has been in love before this. I'm just happy that he has found someone.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad jealous. I hadn't even seen her yet, but that didn't matter. It was just the fact that he had someone and I didn't.

I was twenty seven now. And I've never dated any one for more than three months.

It's not that I don't want commitment. I do, now. Not in college, but now. I just can't find the right girl. I'm not going to commit to someone just so I can call her mine, even if I don't really fancy her. I can't _love_ just anyone.

The only opportunities I really had to meet people were at work, conferences, or at bars. And the only women attending these things were either too old, too stuck up, or sluts and burnouts.

And I couldn't help but wonder when I'd ever find the one to call my own. _If _I ever find the one. I thought.

"Are you still going to Angela's family for Christmas?" I asked politely as the doors dinged open.

He smiled then and scratched his chin.

"Yeah,"

His eyes glazed over as he probably thought to Angela back home. Lucky bastard. Even Eric - the annoying twerp with the glasses - had a girl. And not just any girl, but a nice girl, the one _you_ took home to your parents.

The doors opened and we were greeted with cold air. I put my hands in my pockets and dug around for my keys.

"Have a nice Christmas, Edward." Eric called as he got into his car.

"Yeah, you too," I yelled over the wind as I got in my own.

I started it and turned up the heat. I felt like a fool suddenly for not starting my car earlier. Now I was just plain cold. The dashboard read that it was eight forty-five but somehow my car's clock was always ten minutes fast no matter what I did. So I made the quick, reflexive calculation in my head and started toward my apartment where I'd get my stuff and head over to The Bradshaw house, in my old neighborhood, for Christmas.

Once there I quickly ran in and grabbed my bag. I had packed it before I left for work. When Sue and Greg had first asked me if I'd join them, I was a little apprehensive. Sure, it'd be pretty awesome to see Macon again, but I felt like I was intruding. Even though the logical part of me knew it was nonsense, I still found myself plotting up ideas and excuses to get me out of going.

But no matter what I did, it would most likely come across rude. So I surrendered and bought Greg and Sue presents to display my gratitude and packed my bags this morning.

I had always spent my Christmas's with my parents, aunts and uncles and the like. Always surrounded by family and random people I've never met before. And those were perfectly happy Christmas's, but I guess when the opportunity came along for me to have one alone this year, I was intrigued.

No loud relatives. No set ups encouraged by my mom. Just me. I would have so much free time. I could bring some work home, the tedious things like spreadsheets, and get ahead. I could really clean my apartment for once, actually dust things, not just around them. I could read. Man, I could read all day if I really wanted. I could play my piano. I'd have endless concentration for that, maybe I'd even be able to compose something with all the peace going around me.

It would be a gift to me. Being alone with my thoughts.

But alas, things don't always work out the way we want them to. My chance came and went with one phone call from Sue.

This Christmas would be different from the others though. It had to. I was spending it with an entirely different family after all.

I sighed as I grabbed the Borders bag and made sure it had the gifts and receipt. Once I was satisfied I locked up and headed downstairs again. I left my car running.

On the way there I tried to listen to the radio stations but all they played was shit so I gave up.

Turning onto the familiar street brought back memories for a few moments. Before they were dispelled by reality and I got out of my car.

From the homes outer appearance, every light in the house looked on. I chuckled lightly before knocking on the door, thankful for that fact because it had lightened my mood.

I heard footsteps approach the door before it opened and I was greeted by Greg.

"Edward," he said, surprise lacing his voice. "I'm so glad you could make it."

I smiled as he let me in. "Thank you for having me, Greg."

He laughed. "Nonsense, Edward. You're practically family. I bet Macon will be excited to see you."

I chuckled as we entered the kitchen. Sue greeted me with enthusiasm. I politely thanked her for allowing me to stay. Greg shook his head with a small smile on his face beside me. She called for Macon and his girlfriend Bella then. I sat my bag down on the table while Sue nearly bounced in place as we waited for Macon... and Bella.

"Brother!" he yelled before flinging himself into my arms before I could even get a good look at him.

"Macon!" I yelled through a strained laugh at his weight.

He had been calling me brother since high school if I remember correctly. As soon as he was down he pulled me in for another hug and I resisted the urge to break out into laughter as he slapped my back, another one of our inside jokes. A man hug isn't a man hug without a good slap. We finished our greeting when Macon stepped back and decided it was time to introduce to me to his girlfriend, I assume.

I saw her first.

And my breath caught in my throat. She was _beautiful_. My God. She was staring at me with an innocent, curious expression. Her brown eyes searching mine, probably wondering why I was gaping at her like a fool. Macon obstructed my view for a moment as he pulled her to his side and forward so he could introduce us properly.

I tried to lessen the intensity of my stare, now. I didn't want her to think that of me. I composed myself quickly before Macon turned to me.

"Edward, I don't believe you've met my girlfriend, Bella." He was holding her to his side almost like a trophy. He was displaying her to me, not to be rude, but to share his happiness with me, express his joy at having us finally meet.

Because a guy's best friend could be friends with his girlfriend. Of course.

I swallowed then. Shit, Macon would notice that I was nervous. I always did that crap when I was nervous. I reached my hand out for hers, yearning to know what her skin felt like, but not wanting to at the same time. It was the polite thing to do though. We were just meeting, after all. It was a formal greeting between two strangers. It didn't mean anything more.

"I don't think I have,"

Her eyes left mine and went to my hand, studying it for a moment before turning back to me and smiling politely.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." she said sweetly.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Her hand was so warm. I felt something when I touched her, and I had no idea what to make of it.

"It's nice to meet you, too." I squeezed her hand once for no particular reason, maybe it was reflexive. Whenever I met new contacts at work I always shook their hand once and squeezed it once.

Her hand was so God damn soft. Damn. And to top it off she was smiling at me, all innocently, politely. It made my fucking heart flutter!

_What the hell?_

I let go and couldn't help but look at my hand. It had a pin-prickling sensation. I had to look at it to see what was up. I was so lost at that moment. But nothing was wrong with it. It looked the same.

I looked to Macon then, hoping he hadn't caught on to my slip of control on my vacant façade. I had no clue what emotions I was displaying on my face at the moment. I just hoped they hadn't given anything away. I could not let anything of the sort happen.

He was smiling, oblivious in his own happiness as he spoke again.

"This is so great!"

He looked around the room at the others and I took that chance to gaze back at Bella. I soon found myself lost. She was smiling happily at him, apparently enjoying his current mood, another reason to keep my emotions in check. One out of the millions of others.

Some other words were exchanged but I really could only vaguely hear them. I was so transfixed on Bella. Her pink lips and the slight flush that colored her cheeks. Maybe from the cold? Had they gotten here shortly before me? Her hair looked so soft even though it sat in static disarray on her shoulders. Maybe she'd just brushed it? Her brown eyes seemed to sparkle in the soft lighting of the kitchen. Maybe from the reflection off the copper plated ceiling?

God. What did it matter anyway? She was stunning, and it didn't matter what the cause was.

Those brown eyes turned to me then, and caught my intense scare. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly before she gasped and turned away. Shit. Shit. Shit.

That was the second time tonight that I lost control of my vacant mask. I only ever tried to express my emotions when I wanted to. And I had lost control over that tonight… over my best friend's girl.

I looked away after she did. Instead, fixing my gaze on the ground as I punished myself for what I was feeling.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, man? You alright?" Macon asked politely.

I forced a smile. "I'm great. It's good to see everyone." I said, including everyone else in the room, mentally excluding Bella.

"Can we get you something to drink, Edward?" Sue asked as she neared the fridge.

"Uh, a beer would be nice." I admitted.

"Sure thing!"

I quickly focused my attention around the room, purposefully avoiding Bella and fighting to keep my mask on.

Emmett, Rosalie's husband, was the first to speak.

"So how's life treating you these days, Edward?" he asked.

"Good, good." I nodded nonchalantly.

"You're still in sales right?" He narrowed his eyes a little and leaned forward, inquiring.

"Yes, I am." I stated. "Still coaching football over at Brandywine?"

"Yep." he nodded with a small grin, it was almost evil in a sense. "Ten and two."

I laughed. "That's great."

Sue handed me the beer.

"Let's take this chit-chat into the living room. Shall we?" she offered.

I nodded in assent and Macon grabbed my hand. It didn't escape my notice that he grabbed Bella's, too.

"My two little honeys," he proclaimed in a breathy, feminine voice.

I laughed while I pulled away and sat down on one of the recliners. Bella just smiled and rolled her eyes. Her eyes scanned to me once before she took her seat next to Macon and Emmett on the couch. I wanted to believe that she was interested in me, but then I really, really, wanted her not to. _She wasn't mine._ Macon was obviously very happy with her and she seemed perfectly content with him. Feelings for her would be all kinds of trouble. _All kinds_.

Besides, it was obvious that I was just physically attracted to her and my instincts had taken over for a few seconds. I didn't even know her. She'd _probably_ end up being an airhead just like Macon, effectively ending my current fascination with her. Macon always had good taste in women when it came to looks, but he always varied when it came to personality. I couldn't be sure of anything at the moment. Except for the fact that no matter how physically attracted to her I was, or would become, I would never, _could never_, act on it. Macon was my best friend. I was his. It would be such a low level of betrayal that it made me sick just thinking about it.

"So… Where do we start?" Macon began.

During the first part of the conversation, I caught up with Sue and Greg. Sue went into minimum – but enthusiastic – detail of her current eighth grade English class. She had been an eighth grade English teacher for as long as I could remember and although her stories may be fun to share, if any word of them got out further than the living room she could be in trouble for sharing too much. Middle school students were entertaining to hear about though, and after bribing, we got her to share a small story about some girl who put the answer 'IDK' for a quiz question. This got a laugh out of Bella and I found myself immediately drawn to the sight of her again, sitting adjacent to me on the sofa with Macon. She laughed sharply while her eyebrows furrowed, and it seemed to make her eyes appear darker. Macon was leaning away from her towards his mother who was sitting on a recliner across from him, dismissing the opportunity to put his arm around Bella's shoulder – like I would have done, but shouldn't even be thinking about.

She was still laughing when she turned in my direction and must've seen or felt my eyes on her. Her pretty brown eyes met mine for a moment when her laugh abruptly stopped and was replaced with a shy smile as she cast her eyes downward and blushed. I found myself getting lost in the moment a little as I leaned away from the back of the seat and further into the direction of her. She caught the motion and looked back up to me, closing her mouth and hiding her teeth from me. She looked to Macon then with a furrowed brow and Fuck. I did it again!

Even though my mind was acutely aware of how much I needed to remain in control because if I didn't, I'd run the risk of ruining a perfectly happy relationship and losing the best friend I've ever had, my body had other ideas – all of which disregarded anyone's feelings but mine.

When Macon felt Bella's worried eyes on the back of his head he turned to her and frowned at her expression, before smiling and kissing her forehead, willing the lines to go away. When he pulled away I could see that her face was relaxed, but she wasn't looking at him.

I looked away before anyone caught me staring.

Greg told us a little here and there about his business. He owned a used car dealership that had been highly successful since before Macon and I were born. He used to own it with his father who had raised it to be one of the most well-known used dealerships in town. I think Greg had his work cut out for him after he took on full responsibility when his father passed. Rosalie, who Emmett explained was upstairs trying to get Sarah to sleep – which apparently was quite the long, tedious process – had fantastic salesmen skills and worked fabulously alongside her father. It was assumed she'd be the one to take over the family business.

So, Greg caught me up on how the economy was poorly affecting business, but ever the optimist he told me things would look up, especially since gas prices were dropping.

And I focused all of my attention on the center of Greg's forehead while he spoke. It was a salesman's trick for one, used if you felt uncomfortable making eye contact for too long, and it had enough pointless detail to keep my eyes trained and focused on the speaker, and not Bella.

Macon and Sue kept throwing in random comments. Being with them, in this living room which I had been in so many times, reminded me of just how much he and his mother were similar.

Emmett spoke when needed, but otherwise just sipped his beer and laughed at me.

Bella began fidgeting in her chair. Then she did something that tempted me too far, making me break my staring contest with a wrinkle in Greg's forehead to inconspicuously investigate what she was doing.

She had her hands digging into the cushion cracks apparently searching for something. Macon noticed this and asked her. She explained she was looking for the remote because we were probably going to disrupt Sarah's sleeping routine with the television going so loud.

I, and probably everyone else in the room besides Bella, had grown used to loud televisions at some point. I don't know why, but the Bradshaw's had a thing with loud televisions, radios, iPods, etc. Because I had been friends with them all for so long, and had visited this house constantly, I grew used to it. But I didn't let it change my habits. Loud TVs were annoying to someone who hadn't accumulated a tolerance.

I looked at her unabashedly for a moment before quickly turning back to Greg, who had turned away and begun his own search for the remote. Curiously, I cast a glance around my own seat for the remote. Even though the back of my mind was telling me it was probably in the kitchen, more specifically the freezer. That had happened more times than appropriate in the past. But there it was, sitting beside my leg, hidden slightly by the overlapping arm rest. I took a deep breath to compose myself, no matter how ridiculous it may seem to an outsider. I needed the preparation.

The act would be innocent. But if just looking at her had done so many different, uncontrollable things to me, actually interacting with her could only increase those reactions.

"I found it." I announced with what I hoped was the right amount of surprise.

I picked up the very unoffending object and turned to Bella. Her eyebrows were raised slightly but she had a pleasant, closed smile on her face. I could vaguely hear the others murmuring their approval and thanks to me in the background. My eyes scanned quickly to her lips, because I could help it. But my mind wrestled with my wacky hormones for a moment and won. I don't think anybody noticed my slip in control. I brought my eyes back up to Bella's, because it was normal to make eye contact with someone while you were in a brief exchange. When I had looked into her eyes though, I felt something buzz between us. A brief burst of electricity tore through the air when her pretty brown eyes met mine. I still managed to give her the remote without touching her by offering her one end and keeping my very own hand far, far away from hers. I forced myself to smile, because that's what people did in simple exchanges like this. If I didn't smile, she might believe me to be rude. I couldn't let that happen. Not for my sake, but for Macon's. I couldn't let her be uncomfortable around me. Macon would notice that and it would cause conflict.

I just had to find a way to be a friend to her… one with mass amounts of courteous detachment.

My stare may have become downright intense after a few moments. Again, she cast her eyes down with a small smile of gratitude on her face. A light blush colored her cheeks. It was really pretty.

"Thanks," she muttered as she aimed the remote at the television, effectively shutting it off.

"You're welcome," I said after I turned away.

The second part of the conversation centered around me… effectively making it brief. Macon asked me how business was going. I said it could be better. It was an understanding among all of us that the current economy was negatively affecting almost everything. Sue asked me if I was dating anyone currently while batting her eyelashes. Bella, who I couldn't help but examine out of my peripheral vision, was lazily twirling her hair throughout most of the conversation. But when Sue asked this, her movements abruptly stopped. I felt her eyes on me while I answered.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "No, I'm not."

There. Short and sweet and to the point. I was being completely honest to. I noticed that Bella resumed twirling her hair after that. I tried not to think about her though. I was here to catch up with my friends, not fawn over Macon's physically attractive girlfriend.

But, God, she was such a different kind of attractive. Her hair looked so nice and wavy. I was almost positive she didn't have any make up on, but I couldn't be for sure. Some girls were tricksters about that. And her eyes were like a freaking magnet to me. Every time I looked into them, I got lost - stupid as it sounds. It was like nothing I've ever felt before, especially with someone I just met.

But why, oh, _why_ did she have to be Macon's girlfriend?

I mean, come on! I've never been this attracted to a woman before, and she has to be my best friend's girlfriend. Effectively taking her off the market from me from here to eternity.

Dwelling on this though, wouldn't make my life any easier. I'd just have to find a way to ignore my attraction to her. And who knows, it may be pretty easy once I get to know her.

Sue gasped exaggeratedly. "Edward! Why on Earth not?"

Bella stopped twirling her hair again and I felt her eyes on me.

Macon joined in. "Yeah, Edward. Why haven't you found a sweetie yet?" he laughed jokingly.

"I just haven't found her yet." I admitted truthfully.

Macon groaned. "Come on, man. You've been saying that for _years_."

I frowned while staring at my beer lowered in my hands. "Yeah, well, it's true."

"Edward, maybe it isn't a 'she' that you're looking for." Emmett said in a completely serious tone.

Sue gasped. Macon snickered. I glared and smirked at Emmett simultaneously while giving him the bird. Bella looked down on her lap. I let my gaze drift to her for a moment before another voice broke the silence.

"Emmett, stop being an ass to Edward and say goodnight to Sarah. Not to jinx anything, but I think she might actually be going to sleep." Rosalie said from the top of the staircase.

We all turned to her.

Emmett laughed. "It was just a joke."

Rosalie glared. "And I don't see anyone laughing, except for you and my idiotic brother who laughed hysterically while reading "The Grapes of Wrath". Let's _go_, Emmett."

"Hey!" Macon yelled in protest.

Rosalie scoffed. "Don't even try, Macon. We all know you did it."

Bella shook her head while her shoulders shook with laughter. "I didn't." she giggled.

Macon's face was turning red as he sat with an intense glare aimed towards the coffee table. Emmett sighed in resignation as he slapped me on the back once before following Rosalie up the stairs. I smiled. We all knew he was kidding. But it did make me uncomfortable to have all these people talking and joking openly about my personal life.

Sue said she was tired through an obnoxious yawn. She got up with Greg and made her way over to me. She bent down and gave me a polite hug.

"It's so good to see you, Edward." She pulled away. "Now, since we don't want you inhaling fresh paint fumes all night, we've prepared the living room downstairs for you instead. Tomorrow you should be able to claim The Canadian Rockies Suite. That is if you don't want The Chocolate factory one." she laughed.

I smiled. "No thanks."

She sighed. "If you say so," Then smiled and patted me on the back as she walked by.

"Goodnight everyone," she said through another yawn.

"Night," Bella said.

I think Macon mumbled something along those lines too. He was running his hands through his hair spastically. Bella was watching him now. She giggled. And I suddenly felt like a third wheel. I also felt a small tightening in my chest as I watched her interact with Macon. I didn't like that feeling one bit.

"It's okay. I'll only tell your closest friends… or at least the ones I think can handle such… such truth." Bella laughed again.

It didn't feel right, being here, witnessing this. Because I knew, deep down, _I_ wanted to be the one with Bella rubbing my back soothingly.

"I'm kidding, Macon. If it means that much to you… okay!" she stopped laughing.

She smiled incredulously at him. He exhaled, feeling better all of a sudden. It was a bit mortifying, considering "The Grapes of Wrath" was incredibly dry. But I'm sure Macon had a reason for it…. maybe.

"It was just this one part." He mumbled.

I laughed. "Don't worry about it. Your family has never been one to dwell on dark moments. It should be blown over by morning." I assured.

Bella breathed a small laugh.

I couldn't resist looking over at her. She was smiling shyly at me. I turned away without smiling back. Macon sighed resignedly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." he admitted, not catching my joke.

We all sat in silence for a few moments. The sound of running water was heard. Someone was brushing their teeth. I could hear Rosalie and Emmett speaking in hushed voices. I took another sip of my beer, hoping to finish it off.

Bella yawned while rubbing her eyes.

"I'm going to bed. Night, guys." She put her hand on Macon's head and ruffled the hair there.

He smiled and said goodnight. She turned to me and smiled.

"Night," she said again, but only to me this time.

I couldn't bring myself to understand why. I really didn't want to. Analyzing it could only lead to conclusions - conclusions not necessarily true. And I couldn't try to make something so simple, much deeper. Macon was absolutely my best friend. Bella was absolutely his girlfriend. There was nothing I could do about that. And honestly, why would I?

She was attractive. That was it. I knew nothing about her. I couldn't _think_ about disrupting a relationship based on physical attraction and my instant feelings to her alone. She obviously wasn't meant for me. She was with Macon.

That thought settled me down some.

"So what do you think of Bella?" Macon asked while leaning forward a bit. He had an indifferent expression on his face that said 'It doesn't matter what you think of her. I'll still date her.'

I raised my eyebrows but smiled. "She seems nice." _And she's stunningly attractive_.

He shrugged. "Yeah, she is. I'm thinking about ending it with her though."

My eyes widened tenfold. I think my heart rate sped up.

"Macon!" Bella hissed from the railing upstairs.

We both looked to her quickly. Macon burst out laughing.

Bella frowned, annoyed. "Yeah, I love you too." she said in a mocking tone.

"I'll be up in a bit, OK?" he asked.

But she was already gone. He stood up on the sofa. I really shouldn't expect anything less from him.

"I love you, Bella!" he nearly shouted.

And that was it. What he had said was just a joke. He knew that she could hear us the entire time and he was just teasing her.

My reaction scared me some. What exactly was I expecting? They seemed so happy, why on Earth would they break up?

What was I getting all worked up for? Was it the shock of the situation that got to me? Was it the thought of seeing Bella hurt?

Or was it because I had a flash of something, some random time, with Bella in my arms acting as more than just a friend…

As absurd and selfish and wrong that flash was - it was still in the back of my mind. But I couldn't want that, because I could never have it.

"Macon!" Rosalie and Emmett scolded.

He quickly lowered himself on the couch while whispering curses and nearly cowering in his spot.

I heard a door shut upstairs. I assumed it was Macon's and Bella's room. Then I heard another door close, probably Greg's and Sue's.

Emmett was grumbling as he made his way to the railing.

"Macon, get your ass up here. You can put her to bed now. Rosalie is thinking you can use your magic touch." he explained hastily.

Macon sighed. "I've already demonstrated it to you guys! Come on, she's your kid!"

Emmett frowned disapprovingly. "And you woke her up. Now hurry."

With that he turned around and headed back into the Princess Room. Macon sighed.

"Sorry to cut this conversation short, man." he admitted.

I smiled sympathetically. "It's alright. We've got a few days to catch up."

He nodded enthusiastically before we both stood up and he pulled me in for a hug. Surprising me by not wrapping his legs around my waist – instead it was our signature man hug.

"Alright, bed's downstairs. If you need extra blankets they should be in the closet by the bar." he explained.

I smiled. "Thanks,"

Macon marched up the stairs before making a song out of Sarah's name. I walked into the kitchen and put my beer in the recycling before turning off the lights in both the kitchen and living room – leaving only the upstairs hall lights on. Grabbing my bag, I started for the basement living room. The carpet on the stairs was very thick and soft, and it covered most of the living room except for the bar area. To be honest, the only thing behind the bar was Dr. Pepper. Nobody really used this room. I didn't really understand why. It wasn't one of those lousy insolated basements with painted brick walls and a mold infestation. I couldn't detect any temperature difference once I was down. They had installed sheetrock, textured, and painted the walls to make it look like any other room. The walls were a dark tan; the carpets were a lighter, sand color. There was a large black couch in the middle that Macon and I used to crash on with game controllers in our hands during our younger years. The only really new additions to the room were a wall mounted flat screen television and an alpaca fur place rug. There was still a pool table in the back, and a shelved wall filled with little ships inside bottles that they had bought, not made, some years ago.

I set my bag down and found a pair of pajamas and my tooth brush. The bathroom down here didn't flow well with the neutral design of the living room. It had blue walls and yellow towels and countertops. The handles on every thing were little fish. Once I was finished in the bathroom I made my little make shift bed and found the remote. I wasn't quite tired yet so I figured I'd watch the History Channel for a while.

I actually got pretty into a show about the origins of certain holiday food traditions. But it didn't make me drowsy. Instead, it got my mind racing about near future events.

I was thinking about Bella, really. It seems the harder I tried not to, the easier her face filled my mind. I've never been this conflicted over a girl I just met. I admit, most of the conflict came with the fact that she was already in a relationship. But really, it was more than that. I was so freaking attracted to her that I lost my composure multiple times this evening. A girl has never had this much of an affect on me,_ ever_.

So what did it all mean? Did insane attractions like this happen all the time? Or was it special? A one person thing…

I sighed and covered my face with my hands, disrupting my view of a Lysol commercial. I needed to think of something else. Something frivolous but distracting all the same.

Presents. Yes, Greg and Sue's presents. They were still unwrapped. Sure, I could wrap them tomorrow, but better to get it over with now that I needed the distraction. I jumped up and tore the covers off before finding the plastic bag. I quickly scanned the dimly lit room in search of some wrapping paper. There was some in the corner behind the pool table. I carefully made my way over to the light switch and then made my way over to them. Okay, wrapping paper in hand I searched for possibly tape and scissors. The tape was on the bar. But after retrieving that I found there were no scissors in sight. I checked the bar drawers but found nothing. It figures Sue would always put the scissors back where they belong.

Frustrated, I muted the television before quietly making my way up the stairs. It had been at least two hours since everyone had gone to their rooms. All the lights were off. The Christmas tree was still on. Its pink glow helped me find my way into the kitchen without tripping. Through the two story windows in the living room, it was pitch black, no stars, no moon, just a blanket of darkness manufactured by clouds.

I turned on the light above the sink and found the scissors in the computer desk drawer almost immediately. Making my way over to the island, I used the quiet light and began taking the gifts out of the bag. First, was Greg's. It was a book titled, "Piano for Dummies". Yes, it was a mild joke. Greg was always jealous of Rosalie's as well as my talent for the piano. Sometimes, when I played for fun while I was here, he'd always announce that he'd start one of these days. As ridiculous as a grown man taking beginner's piano lessons was, he still signed up for one lesson – before quitting altogether and claiming it was a schedule conflict. I knew he still wanted to learn though, so I bought him this book, in hopes that he could teach himself a few things on his own time.

I quietly began unfolding the wrapping paper, trying not to wake anyone up. I couldn't remember exactly, but I believe Sarah was said to be a light sleeper, as were Rosalie and Greg. Macon, Sue, and Emmett, could sleep through a sonic boom. And then there was Bella, but I really shouldn't be thinking about her sleeping habits.

I cut out a reasonably sized square, only to find that the paper couldn't meet on the other sides. I scoffed at my work when I heard a noise.

It was a soft patter, possibly of feet on carpet. And it was really quick. I had no time to hide my work before the sound was suddenly not on the stairs anymore, but in the living room. They slowed a bit before someone rounded the corner. _Bella_. My heart sped at the sight of her. My stomach felt weird. I grimaced and turned away before catching my mistake and turning to meet her eyes.

"Oh, hey," she said in a surprised voice.

I smiled. "Hi,"

I hoped she wouldn't make fun of my work here. But then again, she didn't _seem_ like the type.

She seemed a little jumpy in her place, jiggling her leg slightly. I _could_ _not_ resist looking at the rest of her figure. She was wearing light pink, plaid flannel pajama pants, with a tight grey sweater that revealed much of her flat midriff. Her skin looked so soft. I shook my head and turned back to my work, grimacing again. Suddenly though, she was moving towards me. I turned back up to her just in time to feel her hand tugging on my arm. A weird feeling shot through my arm before traveling through the rest of my blood stream.

"Forgive me for being so bold," she said as she attempted to drag me. "But it's snowing out!"

All I kept thinking about was how soft and warm she felt. I followed her to the back door where she let go of my arm and quickly unlocked the door. It tingled from the absence of her touch.

"Are you crazy? It's freezing out there." I argued in a whisper once I realized what she was doing.

She just giggled slightly before unlocking the screen door and running out onto the concrete barefoot.

My rational mind was screaming at me to stay where I was, that going out there could only lead to trouble emotionally and physically. But I couldn't listen. Seeing her out there, with her face all lit up and her cheeks flushed from the cold, pulled me from inside. There was this undeniable tug I felt to run out there and grab both of her hands and stare into her eyes forever, as the big and soft flurries fell around us. So, I slowly left the warmth and reason of inside and stepped out into the cold. Bella was looking up at the sky with a smile on her face as the flakes fell around her. A few stuck in her hair and she seemed to glow in the outdoor Christmas lights. _She looked so pretty_.

I couldn't help but stare at her with a large grin. For a moment, she was oblivious to my presence, too caught up in her excitement. She must really like the snow, I thought. But then my smile fell as I began feeling something other than happiness at her. I felt this odd pull in my heart. The air seemed to be buzzing with some odd type of electricity. I think she felt it too because her smile fell and she spun around to face me. I couldn't stop myself from closing the distance between us. She looked up at me from under her eyelashes. The urge to kiss her grew. And at that exact moment, nothing else mattered but the pull.

But then the wind blew harshly, and the moment traveled away with it. I could feel the absence of it immediately. The weight of the situation now currently rested awkwardly on my shoulders. We both broke eye contact immediately.

Bella laughed hesitantly. "Sorry for dragging you out here. I just get really excited when it snows." she explained.

I forced a laugh.

"That's okay. I don't mind." I told her seriously, hoping she wouldn't beat herself up over what had just happened.

Because I'm sure that was part of why she was sorry. But she didn't have any reason to be. I really lost my composure this time, and I ignored the rationality of everything by getting lost in her. It was my fault. And I should never put Bella in a position like that again. A position where her loyalty would be tested…

I took a deep breath – taking in all that was happening and all that I must do – before giving Bella a friendly smile. Her face took on that vacant look again and she shivered.

My face threatened to grimace, because that pull was there again, just not as strong. But I couldn't let it take over like that. So I kept my smile.

"Let's go inside." I suggested.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes and nodded before leading us into the house. I followed her, determined not to lose my control again. The absolutes of the situation were still there. And I could never be with Bella.

I would fight the insane attraction I had for her. I would be her friend with mass amounts of courteous detachment. I had to be.

Once inside I locked both doors but not before looking back at the sidewalk with a small sense of longing, and a stupid flutter in my heart.

But as soon as the doors were shut and locked, I made myself think of other things. Bella was standing near the island and eyeing my work. I was afraid this moment would come. She bit her lip slightly before composing herself.

"Would you like some help?" she offered politely.

I breathed a laugh. "I suppose I have no choice."

She smiled and shrugged before taking a seat on one of the stools. I sighed and began walking over to her. I stood beside her and watched. She swiftly set aside the fail wrapping paper before rolling out some more and placing the present on top. She fixed its place quickly before taking the scissors and gliding it in one stroke across the paper. She repeated this action for the excess inches of paper before folding the edges in and connecting them perfectly on the other side. She used one hand to hold the connection in place before skillfully taking a piece of tape and sealing the present. She repeated the process for the top flaps. She even did one of those fancy edge folding things that I could never do.

It wasn't gloating, no. Because when I looked at her face, incognito, her brow was furrowed slightly and she was breathing quietly through her mouth. She was concentrating seriously. Once she was finished she bit her lip and flipped the present.

"Piano for Dummies, I'm assuming this one is for Greg?" she asked while side glancing at me.

I felt a buzz in the air for a moment before scolding myself and shaking my head slightly. She raised her eyebrows.

"No, I mean, yes, that is for Greg." I stuttered like a fool.

She laughed before placing the labels and a pen in front of me.

"How about this: I wrap the presents and you put the labels and bows on." she suggested while leaning over the island and grabbing Sue's present.

This action made her shirt ride up some and I could see even more smooth skin. There was even a small beauty mark on her upper left hip. Suddenly, I found myself in a very inappropriate fantasy of me, apparently worshiping her body, and kissing that mark reverently. I blinked a few times, hoping to snap out of it. It was so wonderful and so horrible at the same time. I took a deep breath and let it out through my nose.

"Sounds good to me," I even managed to remember that it was a slight mockery of my skills so I laughed.

She looked at the gift with fascination. I suddenly remembered what I had gotten Sue.

"Oh, my God, this is so cool." she breathed.

I smiled at the way her eyes lit up at the gift.

"You're a fan?" I questioned.

She nodded with a small smile on her face. "The Sundays are awesome." she said before turning up to look at me. "I bet Sue's going to love this."

I smiled crookedly at her. She stopped blinking for a moment before turning back to the CD. "How did you get it signed?" she inquired.

"One of my friends from the Dover Branch was somehow weirdly related to the drummer, Patrick Hannan, and apparently he had a ton of signed CD's so he gave one to me." I shrugged.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she let out a sharp laugh. "That's cool."

She resumed her flawless wrapping while I signed Greg's gift label and put on a red bow. Once she was finished she passed it to me where I had already filled out a label. I could feel her eyes on me as I peeled it off the paper and placed it on the gift. Once the bow was on, I looked at her. She smiled hesitantly after a moment. I half smiled.

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome," she responded in the same tone.

I couldn't let this moment draw on any longer. For it would lead to more pulls and temptation, at least on my part.

"What do you do, Edward?" Bella asked quickly, just as I was about to feign a yawn to activate my plan.

I looked up at her. "I'm a Field Sales Representative at the Miles and Bergs Printer Ink Corporation." I said indifferently and somewhat confused. Why was she suddenly engaging in conversation?

She nodded slowly. "Do you like your job?"

I tilted my head towards her and smiled incredulously. "It's kind of complicated. Most times, yes."

She smiled in understanding. "Yeah, most jobs are like that."

I found myself suddenly curious as to what she did. And deciding it couldn't hurt either of us if I inquired further, I asked.

"What do you do?"

She was looking at the countertop before she turned abruptly toward me with wide eyes. "Me? Oh, I'm- I'm a veterinarian." she said.

My eyes widened this time.

"Really? That sounds interesting."

She shrugged and rolled her eyes. "It's hard sometimes, but can be very rewarding."

I nodded in understanding. "So I'm assuming you love animals…?"

She was quick to respond. "I do," she said turning to face me directly. "Animals are such a vital part of us, whether they're domestic or not."

We stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Bella quickly gained composure. I had to stop letting this happen.

"They are," I responded. I was a little surprised at her insight. I mean, it was right, but I'm surprised that she looked at things that way.

Bella slid off the stool.

"I suppose I should get to bed." she said, sounding almost disappointed.

I yawned. "Me, too,"

I stretched my arms above my head and connected my hands behind my head. I felt and then saw Bella's eyes on me. She wasn't looking at my face, but the small amount of my lower stomach being revealed. I quickly stopped and could feel my face getting hot for some odd reason. A girl had never made me shy of shedding skin before. She started backing away. I grabbed the presents and followed her towards the living room. Both set of stairs were relatively close.

"Night," she whispered before heading up.

"Night," I whispered back, glad there was no awkward pull moment.

I was almost positive that she had felt it too. I could see it in the way her expression changed, softened yet deepened at the same time. And now, as I head down the stairs, I think back to the way we approached each other outside – I wasn't the only one closing the distance.

Could it be possible she felt attracted to me too? I contemplated that for a moment. Yes, it was quite possible. Just because she had a boyfriend didn't mean she was immune to other people.

But, shouldn't this be as simple as two people finding each other attractive, but putting those feelings aside easily because they're obviously not meant for each other? I had been attracted to many women before, friend's sisters, colleagues, but just as soon as I had assessed them, I had easily forgotten those feelings. I always saw them differently, as attractive people, nothing more.

So why couldn't I get Bella out of my head? Why couldn't I brush those budding feelings under the rug? It should have been easy. Women in serious relationships should hold no stable appeal to me – especially if that stable relationship belongs to my best friend.

Why was Bella so different? Could I simply answer that question with the fact that Bella _was_ different? That she held something special, that no other person I've met before had?

If this was true, than why was she so unavailable to me? Since everything about her drew me in, why did everything about the situation pull us away?

Maybe because there wasn't any special, unique connection forming between us. Obviously, if we were meant to be together – as cliché as it sounds – she wouldn't be seriously dating my best friend.

So, no matter how much it confuses me, or pulls me, or tempts me, I can never act on the feelings I have for her. Because it's not meant to be. I can be her friend. I can maintain my strong bond with Macon, and maybe someday I'll have a girl to go home to. But it won't be Bella. At least, it shouldn't be…

Of course there were always Bella's feelings to consider. I could infer from our interactions so far that she held some knowledge of the pull between us. But, she was nearly in the same situation that I was in. Therefore, she couldn't possibly act on her feelings – assuming she had enough to even think about it. I could tell she loved Macon. I could tell he loved her. That was absolute.

And as I lay and stare up at the motionless ceiling fan, willing sleep to come, I feel happy for Macon and Bella. They have something special. I couldn't disrupt something like that. So from now on, whenever I felt that pull towards her, I'd just have to think about how happy they are, and how devastating it would be if I actually acted on my feelings.

It may not be very fair, now that I think about it. But then again, these feelings will go away with time, and will be replaced with respect for myself and happiness for them as they continue their love uninterrupted.

I just hoped that tomorrow – and the future for that matter – wouldn't bring too much temptation my way.

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**A/N:** Thank you for reading. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to pm me or leave a review. Whichever works fine. :) By the way, Brandywine actually sucks this year, so I used my high schools football season's win-lose thing.


	3. House of the Rising Sun

**Story: The Truth About Love**

**Rating: M for later chapters.**

**A/N:** Finals week! Woooooo-not. Thank you for keeping up with the story thus far! :)

**DISCLAIMER: ALL RECOGNIZABLE CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER.**

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BPOV

I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep but to no avail. My eyes were heavy enough, but every time I closed them they got all irritated with sand or I yawned and they watered. I had fallen asleep, but checking the time told me it was for no more than an two hours. I tried to think of a reason why I'd woken up. For a while, after much analyzing, I concluded it was the fact that I was in a new bed…that had allergen sheets. Seriously, they were like sleeping on tissue paper.

In the back of my mind, though, something else was bothering me. Something more serious than a bed that hasn't been set in yet.

Edward. Ever since we had met in the kitchen earlier, I could feel something - something I couldn't explain - buzzing and bursting between us. There was the initial attraction I had to him at first. He was just so unique in his beauty. I mean, bronze hair? Seriously, who can pull that off? His features were a bit harsh; the angular lines of his jaw and nose were very prominent. But it was all balanced with the smooth pan of his forehead and high, yet soft, cheek bones. His eyes were a dull green in the quiet lighting, but I'm sure that they would change colors depending on many things.

Macon's eyes changed color sometimes. They were usually a gray blue, which contrasted nicely with his dark brown hair, but sometimes in the right lighting, with the right clothes, they turned into a bright sea blue. It was very impressive compared to my eyes that stayed the same color all the time.

But there was more to this buzzing than the initial physical attraction I had felt towards Edward. Edward's body language. During the kitchen conversation his mood seemed to shift a few times, I'd noted. And at these times, he would either seem extremely focused on me – leaning in, inquiring – or off in his thoughts – where he would gain a sort of tortured expression. I moreover felt than saw his eyes one me throughout the night. Often, my body would gain goose bumps, and I'd look over to Edward instinctually and see his eyes on me, studying me it seemed. The one time we had touched set off a similar, but all together unfamiliar reaction.

And I didn't know why!

I hadn't any time to explain it to myself. But if I did, where would I start?

Edward was attracted to me? It just didn't sound right. Not just because of morals, but because it didn't seem probable. I mean, has he even looked at me? I know I'm not ugly, but I also know I'm not that kind of beautiful. If I wear too much make up I look like a drag queen. If I don't wear any, well, let's just say nobody looks at me twice. It wouldn't seem that Edward would be typically attracted to me, but after all that had happened tonight, in such a short time, what other explanation could I offer?

Whenever I looked into his eyes, I saw attraction. His eyebrows did this lightening quick, twitch up and down reaction that was a tell tale sign of it. At one point during the evening, he had even leaned into me slightly, for no reason. We weren't even talking.

So, I guess, the signs were there. Which, if I was thinking for an unbiased view, said Edward was attracted to me.

I took a deep breath and let it out. Where did this leave us?

I liked Edward. And apparently he liked me.

So couldn't I just leave it at that?

I loved Macon. I'm perfectly happy with Macon.

But I'm finding it terribly hard to ignore this attraction to Edward. Not just around him, but away from him. I can't stop thinking about him now. And it's starting to scare me. What exactly was this all supposed to mean?

Is my mind telling me I want something else? Something or someone more?

I don't _think_ I want anything more.

But I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want Edward. Being attracted to someone and wanting someone went hand in hand. It doesn't matter if you're married or engaged or on your deathbed, if you see someone you're attracted to, you automatically get the instinct to make that someone yours. Even if that person is way out of your league. It doesn't matter.

Sure, you may never act on it because you know you can be perfectly happy without them, but that feeling is still there. Some people can ignore it.

But can I? Do I even want to?

I'm with Macon. And I don't want to hurt him.

But I like Edward, even though I barely no him.

The choice, as of right now, is easy.

So… I'll just take the friend's path with Edward. Macon's friends were attractive... for the most part. If I could have friendships with them than one with Edward should be no different.

But there was one difference that I was ignoring. I wasn't _insanely_ attracted to any of Macon's other friends at first sight.

I reasoned with myself though, that with time, these feelings would surely disappear. It was obviously just infatuation. And I know that sometimes infatuation can lead to something else, something more serious, but it's obvious that neither Edward nor I are in a situation that would lead to that.

It might be a little awkward at first. Edward's stares were often intense this past evening. But we were both adults, and though the attraction was obviously mutual, I hoped that the need to ignore those feelings was shared too.

I couldn't risk losing what I had with Macon. I just couldn't. I'm twenty-seven years old now, and I should be in for the long haul.

But what fueled me to remain casually detached from Edward the most was the fact that I truly believed that if Macon were in my situation, he'd do the same.

Because we love each other.

I turned over on my side and gazed out the window. Our room was cast in a yellowish-orange glow. I watched the guilty street light outside for a while without blinking, wishing sleep would just come so I wouldn't have to think about Edward or worry about anything else for that matter.

I think I felt the feeling before I saw it in its physical form. Snow. Little flurries deflecting the light as it flashed down to street level. Snow!

There were three things certain in this world, death, taxes, and the fact that whenever it snowed, I became uncontrollably happy.

The thing is, snow had brought so much joy to my life in the past. I had absolutely no reason to hate it with all the good fortune that seemed to fall from the sky with it. Random things from winning concert tickets on the radio to Macon telling me that he loved me, all happened when it snowed.

So, without hesitation, I flung the covers off of me and cautiously raised myself out from under the upper mattress that was currently housing Macon. I figured since sleep was avoiding me that I'd take a peak outside and just relish in the exhilaration that snow brought me. Sure, it was a little much, especially since it was probably no more than two degrees outside, but I had a thing with snow. Whenever a fresh layer was in the making, I had to be outside, or at least near a window, to witness it.

Wary of the motion sensing automated screaming monkey, I crouched down below its range and quietly tip-toed out of the room. I didn't even bother asking Macon to come with me. Maybe in the daytime he would, but Macon and his sleep could not be disrupted. He could be a bitch without it. That was for sure.

But whenever _I_ needed to sleep, it seems, especially on my days off from the clinic, Macon seemed to have no regards, often waking me up while he burned food in the kitchen or turned on CNN with the volume on full blast. Seriously, I never understood that.

As soon as I was out of our room and positive that Emmett and Rosalie's and Sarah's doors were shut, I quickly made my way down the steps. In the back of my mind I noticed that the living room was a little more illuminated than to be expected but brushed it off in my frantic hurry to see the snow. Once further down the steps, though, I noticed that the kitchen light was on. Wary of whom it was, I slowed my steps before rounding the corner. It was Edward.

"Oh, hey," I said to him.

He was hesitant to greet me at first.

And suddenly the big pink elephant that was the palpable chemistry between Edward and I was back. His eyes tentatively roamed over my body – not in an 'undressing you with my eyes' way. Certainly not. I could feel the nerves running off his body, and could see it in the way his eyes seemed desperate as they came higher that he was having a serious mind battle. I turned away and stopped shaking my foot. I didn't want this to be hard for either of us. He shook his head quickly and turned back to his current project. I smiled in spite of everything at the little fail wrapping paper set out. Then I looked towards the window, all it showed was a reflection of the room.

Well, I wanted to see the snow, but I also wanted to portray to Edward that I only felt friendly feelings toward him. Because that was all I could offer him… a friendship.

So, I went out on a whim and closed the distance between us. He stiffened slightly when I gripped his unsurprisingly – because that was always how my life worked – firm arm. I quickly apologized to him for being forward. His eyes softened slightly but his lips were still parted in a mixture of what I assumed to be confusion. I explained to him excitedly that it was snowing out, and as he followed me - and the electricity buzzed unabashedly in the air and my hand felt all weird again - the excitement of why I really came downstairs surfaced again. And I suddenly didn't care that Edward was protesting in a whisper and that we both obviously liked each other.

All there was, from the moment I unlocked both doors and the frigid air blew in, was snow. I stepped out, not really curious anymore if Edward would follow me. For the moment, I had done my part, at least I hoped.

I hoped that I had portrayed the right amount of casual friendliness.

I craned my neck upwards and felt the thick flakes fall randomly on my skin and melt. I closed my eyes briefly and smiled. Then I opened them, wary of getting dizzy and walked further out on the sidewalk.

Goose bumps, those same goose bumps from earlier this evening made their appearance again.

Sure it was cold out, but the wind was still for a moment. I guess Edward had followed me out here.

I turned around and sure enough he was staring at me again with those nearly awkward intense green eyes. The air buzzed with new electricity, much more prominent and needy than the others.

I felt this odd urge to run up to Edward and just hug him, touch him, do something. So, my feet moved on their own accord and I began closing the distance between us again, but with strikingly different intentions.

My mind became clouded with the vision that was before me. Edward, in pajama pants, hair a total mess, eyes heavy, and he was walking towards me too, with more determination in his steps compared to my apprehensive ones. No words were spoken once we were in arms reach of each other.

There were a few flakes on the tips of his hair, my logical mind told me to poke fun at him and accuse him of having dandruff. That's what I would have done if it was one of Macon's other friends… even Macon for that matter.

But I didn't. Or really, I couldn't. Edward stared at me with this strangely vacant look in his eyes, but at the same time they were so focused on me. Was he going to kiss me?

The wind blew harshly. And just like that, the moment was gone. My mind cleared and I really didn't have time to think about what had just happened. I just had to do something to erase it, to eliminate the awkward factor.

Laugh, Bella. Laugh.

I forced one out. "Sorry for dragging you out here. I just get really excited when it snows."

He laughed too, looking away briefly. "That's okay. I don't mind."

His change in tone surprised me some. Then he took a deep breath and closed his eyes before opening them and smiling at me. And just like that my mind clouded again with his pearly white teeth and the way everything outside took on an odd glow from the Christmas lights, somehow making the area appear smaller. The green in his eyes was basically indecipherable, but they were still light enough to give off a dull sparkle.

"Let's go inside." he said clearly.

I closed my eyes, frustrated with myself. Why did doing the right thing have to be so hard?

I nodded in assent before taking the lead into the house, eager to get away from the cold. Once inside I turned to see Edward locking the doors. I walked further into the kitchen and was brought back to the current conflict at hand. Edward would probably need help wrapping these presents. It was the polite thing to do. Leaving him to struggle would be rude. And besides, the cold had woken me up so I doubted I'd be going to sleep anytime soon.

"Would you like some help?"

He breathed a laugh while putting his hand on the back of his head. "I suppose I have no choice."

He was absolutely right. But I shrugged indifferently and got started.

'Piano for Dummies' was the first task at hand. I took the liberty of assuming it was for Greg. A while back I remember seeing Macon caught up in a laughing fit when he was on the phone. Once the call ended he explained to me in between gasps that his father had taken up beginners piano lessons. At first I didn't really understand why it was so funny, I mean, Macon was practically in hysterics. But after I envisioned Greg sitting eagerly on a piano bench while he learned where the Middle C was, I laughed.

Edward stood near me while I worked quickly to get the present wrapped. The same goose bumps spread over the left side of my body, the side closest to him. I could almost feel his body heat.

And I felt that silly pull again, to just touch him, to feel his arms encase me. I didn't want to think about that, but they were my body's outlet to the attraction I felt for him. If I couldn't always control my thoughts, fine. But at least I'd have control over my actions. And in the end, that would be all that mattered.

As soon as I finished wrapping I made sure the present was for Greg. He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head and then awkwardly telling me that it was indeed for Greg.

I could tell he was having hard time with this too. But I laughed anyway, to lighten the mood before I explained my plan for the next present. I leaned over the counter, too lazy really to walk around, and grabbed the labels and bows for Edward.

"Sounds good to me." he laughed.

I picked up the CD out of the bag and recognized the band immediately. And to top it all off it was signed! I studied the cover for a few moments. I could feel Edward looking at me. After I exclaimed my admiration openly he asked if I was a fan.

I nodded thinking back to the first time I heard them. "The Sundays are awesome. I bet Sue's going to love this." I looked up at him.

I knew Sue had an obsession of some degree for The Sundays. She had a small picture of them in her wallet, right next to a very warn picture of Macon's preschool graduation. When I asked her why she had it, she simply responded with "Why not have a picture of The Sundays in your wallet?"

Curiously, I asked him how he got it.

"One of my friends from the Dover Branch was somehow weirdly related to the drummer, Patrick Hannan, and apparently he had a ton of signed CD's so he gave one to me." he finished with a shrug.

He spoke of his work and friends in a way of complete indifference. And the shrug on the end sealed the deal.

But, it was pretty neat that he knew someone, who was oddly related to Patrick. So I laughed naturally at that before turning to wrap the CD. Edward and I worked side by side for a few moments and soon both presents were wrapped and labeled. Now, a smile of companionship would be appropriate. But he was closer to me now than he was before, not necessarily on purpose. The work naturally caused him to move closer. He smiled back and said thank you.

"You're welcome," I said quickly.

Before I could let the night draw to an end, I had to dig a little deeper into the psyche of Edward. Just out of curiosity, I wanted to learn more about what he did, what he thought of it. Would he speak of it any differently than he had with the group earlier in the evening?

"What do you do, Edward?" I inquired as he shut his mouth abruptly.

I almost smiled. He explained it in professional detail with the same detachment and indifference as he had earlier when the conversation turned to him.

This could mean any number of things really. I figured he was shy, and maybe had a hard time expressing emotions. But, then again, working for a printer ink manufacturer and distributor wasn't necessarily a fun topic to discuss.

"Do you like your job?" I was curious as to whether or not he was passionate about what he did.

He looked a little bemused but smiled nonetheless. "It's kind of complicated. Most times, yes." he answered.

I smiled at that because he was right, and he seemed to be opening up a little more. "Yeah, most jobs are like that." I assented, thinking back briefly to the roller coaster of emotions that was my job.

There was a pause before Edward asked what I did for a living.

I was confused some, but quickly thought differently. There was no need to analyze this. We were simple two people having a conversation, and it wasn't supposed to be one sided.

After I told him, he inquired further, and I didn't slip up this time, just falling into the natural beat of our conversation, explaining to him vaguely what it was like. He correctly assumed that I loved animals, and I explained to him what I explained to everyone else.

When the conversation reached its natural end, I slid off the stool. These past few days of working overtime were starting to take their toll on me.

And, even though Edward and I were having an okay time discussing our occupations, the presents were wrapped and it was getting late.

"I suppose I should get to bed." I told him.

He yawned a 'me too,'

He connected his hands behind his head while he stretched his back. His shirt slid up some and of course my eyes were drawn to the skin revealed. His stomach was flat, and there was a barely there strip of hair that disappeared under the waist band. He quickly stopped and pulled his shirt down before grabbing the presents. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I had seen him blush... which would mean I was caught.

Not exactly portraying the 'friendly' message…

I walked backwards for a second before turning around and heading towards the stairs. We said our good nights in whispers and parted ways.

Never before had I been in an emotional situation quite as trying as this. Walking back into my room – well, crouching – and seeing Macon's leg hanging off the top bunk further reminded me of that fact.

I shivered and submerged myself under the covers and wrapped my arms around my knees. My heart sank a little as I began feeling guilty for what had happened tonight. I had gotten carried away at one point, and it scared me to think about _what could have happened_. And even though nothing happened, it was still blatantly obvious to me that I cared for Edward more than I should. I couldn't forgive myself, because I couldn't let myself forget.

**…**

"There is a house in New Orleans. They call the Rising Sun!"

I groaned and buried my face further into my pillow. Macon.

Ugh. He had a terrible habit of singing in the shower. And, yet again, his disregard for my sleep – as well as others for that matter – became obvious with his current rendition of "House of the Rising Sun".

Frustrated, I curled out of the covers and reached for my phone to check the time. It was eight-forty-five. Well, I had to give Macon some points, at least he waited longer to shower and sing.

Suddenly, the fact that we were in a house with eight people and one water heater frightened me. The size of that water heater was unbeknownst to me, but I couldn't take any chances. I pulled my sweater down that had shrugged up during the night and crawled out of bed. My vision grew black for a few moments but I managed to find my way to the bathroom door unscathed.

"And God, I know, I'm one." he continued, dropping down an unnecessary octave.

I banged the door loudly, hoping I could get his attention without having to go in. His voice faltered.

"Macon!" I took the chance. "Don't use all the hot water!" I complained.

"Well Mother, tell your children!" he nearly screamed in return.

Asshole.

I groaned at my disheveled appearance in the mirror. My lips inflated to five times their regular size when I slept. The most annoying and disgusting trait of mine in my opinion.

Macon's tenor was unrelenting. Since it was almost nine, I decided to go downstairs and see if I could eat some breakfast while Macon finished up in the shower.

Tons of light was let in from the two story windows in the living room. It was really white outside. I judged that it had snowed at least two inches last night. Smiling, I made my way down the stairs.

Carrie Bradshaw was on the TV, but nobody was watching. In fact, there were only two people downstairs. Emmett and Sarah were in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Top of the mornin' to ya," Emmett said while raising his coffee mug.

"Morning," I said in assent.

"House of the Rising Sun?" he asked, nodding towards the stairs.

My nose crinkled in annoyance. "Muse's cover," I confirmed.

His eyebrows rose. "Really? I didn't even know they had one. That explains the shrieking, I guess."

I nodded before grabbing a cereal box and pouring myself a bowl. "So… where is everyone?" I asked.

He set his coffee down. "Greg had to go to work. Sue and Rose went on a few errands."

I nodded, taking a seat in front of them on the island.

I smiled at Sarah tentatively but she seemed to be off in her own world, staring into space instead of eating the banana in front of her.

"Hey look, the top of my head." Emmett said out of the blue after a few moments of silence.

He was reading the newspaper and was currently going across the sports section. He pointed out a blurry head that was apparently his. I laughed at the absurdity of the situation and we both went back to eating.

Emmett was a funny guy when he wasn't being a total ass, though I admit, sometimes the two went hand in hand. It just depended on who he was picking on.

I finished first. Emmett apparently had to stay and make sure that Sarah ate sufficiently or he'd get hell from Rosalie. After I put my bowl in the dishwasher I turned to head back up stairs. Edward appeared in the entrance then. His hair was even worse than the night before, sticking straight up in the front and completely suppressed in the back. His eyes weren't as heavy, but he had a little stubble growing on his chin. We stared at each other expressionless while Emmett reprimanded Sarah for throwing a banana slice at him. Edward's gaze shifted to my lips and his eyes widened slightly before he looked away quickly and cleared his throat.

"Good morning, Edward," I said to him, blushing. _My_ slip effectively ruined any chance I had of pretending I didn't notice _his_.

He cleared his throat again and nodded.

"Oh, hey, Edward," Emmett said distractedly from his seat.

"Morning," Edward said quietly before taking a seat on the stool.

I left the kitchen wordlessly. Carrie Bradshaw was still on the television. I didn't hear Macon's voice anymore so I assumed he was at the very least out of the shower.

Okay, so the whole kitchen confrontation wasn't the best way to start out my day on strictly casual terms with Edward, but it could have been a whole lot worse. The day wouldn't get easier, but hopefully my resistance and his for that matter would.

Macon was already dressed. His hair was wet and nearly pin straight. I giggled when I came into the room.

"Hey, Bella," he said over the screaming monkey with a smile on his face.

I walked up to him and we waited, looking at each other for fifteen seconds before the monkey stopped.

"You may not know this, but I always turn the water down during the last ten minutes of my shower. That way when I rinse the conditioner out, it seals the cuticle. So, she's all yours." he explained before gesturing proudly to the bathroom.

I laughed and rolled my eyes before mumbling "Metro Macon" under my breath.

"Hey now," he started.

Macon wasn't metro, I just liked to tease.

I smirked at him and grabbed my bag. Inside the bathroom left no trace of Macon's shower. The mirror was clear of steam, his towel hanging up. I sighed before I started the water.

**…**

"Wait, what?" I shook my head.

We were all in the kitchen; everyone was showered and well fed. Edward's hair was still damp from his shower, but the sticking up to flat ratio was much better now. Emmett was laughing at me. Macon was smiling like a mad man. Rosalie and Sarah were counting each other's fingers. Sue was smiling hopefully.

And I was sitting there, first in disbelief, but then as Macon didn't say "Ha ha, just kidding!" and just kept smiling, I stared at them in fear.

"We're going ice skating." he said again.

"And I'm going to be an Ice Princess!" yelled Sarah triumphantly.

I looked at her and Rosalie was smiling, proud.

I shook my head again, desperate for an escape. "I can't go skating. I-no, I won't!"

Macon frowned and tilted his head in pity.

"Aw, come on, Bella. It'll be fun." he pushed.

I really didn't want to do this, but it appeared to me that I had no other choice. I pushed my bangs away from my forehead and felt around until I found the small indent. "See this, Macon? This small dent that I claimed was a chicken pox scar? Yeah, I lied."

He looked a little speechless, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth. His eyes were alight though. He was amused.

I sighed and the action pulled my shoulders up high. This was going to be mortifying, especially since everyone's eyes were on me… even Edward's. Goose bumps told me so.

"When I was little my preschool took us out on a field trip to the local Ice Skating rink. We were holding hands with some volunteers and I got confident and went off on my own." I looked around, bad, _bad_ choice.

Macon's lips were pursed, his eyes tight. Holding back laughter. Emmett's face was red. I had to stop now if I planned on getting to the last part.

"I lost my balance and fell, landing head first on the corner of the half wall." I admitted. My stupid face was heating up.

There was something that sounded like a strangled burp before Emmett and Macon broke out simultaneously.

I scowled. "You guys are assholes."

Sue frowned at the two before smiling politely at me.

"Did it do any damage?"

This set them off again. _Not exactly the right question to ask, Sue_.

"No, the cut wasn't extremely deep. It bled a lot though, and I had a minor concussion." I explained indifferently, having to raise my voice at certain times in order to be heard over Rosalie's renewed giggles.

Macon stumbled over to me, still in a fit of laughter. He tried hugging me. I pushed him away, a bit peeved. Yes, I know it was funny, but seriously, he could see it was causing me discomfort.

"Macon," I sighed when he ignored my physical protests and wrapped his arms around my waist.

He took a few deep breaths, his warm breath showering my covered shoulder. He seemed to be having troubles standing up. "Bella, I'm sorry, really, I am. But I won't let go of you. I promise." he explained, holding me tighter.

"Aw," Emmett said loudly.

I looked over Macon's shoulder at everyone in the room. Hopeful smiles graced the faces of Sue and Rosalie. Emmett sneered at me teasingly. Sarah's bottom lip was quivering. I looked at her, dumbfounded for a moment before shrugging it off.

Edward wasn't looking at me. His stance was tense and awkward, and he was reading a notepad on the computer desk. I frowned but sighed in resignation.

"Alright, Macon."

He pulled away and smiled hugely. "Now I know why I've kept you around."

**…**

"Are you sure you trust me with this?" I asked Emmett, wary of his knowledge of the extent of my ice skating skills.

He laughed. "Bella, you've been skating for a good half hour and haven't fallen once. Sarah will be fine. Besides, we'll be going at turtle speed." he winked down at Sarah.

After my initial reluctance wore off, and I made Macon swear he wouldn't bring up The Dent accident, the whole ice skating thing had been a lot of fun.

Macon stayed with me at first like he promised. But he was in one of his 'innuendo' moods, finding everything dirty. It was funny at first but after a while it got annoying. So once I was sure that I wouldn't fall and could sufficiently skate a few laps at a reasonable speed, I sent him packing.

Edward had been avoiding me… subtly. I mean, he wasn't full out like treating me like I was the pariah but he didn't go out of his way to be near me or talk to me. I was thankful, but I was also a little disappointed – even though I shouldn't be.

What he was doing was good. I mean, what good could it possibly do if we did spend time together?

It was just that silly attraction I felt that made me feel bad for not talking with him.

"Fine," I said.

Macon and Rosalie were currently racing around the rink. He had said it was a staple of their sibling rivalry. So, Emmett needed another hand in holding Sarah's. This was her first time ice skating, and she needed two balance guards on either side of her in order to thoroughly enjoy the experience without getting hurt.

I took her little mitten covered hand and matched Emmett's speed, which was more like a walk.

And I was actually surprised at how well Sarah was doing. She wasn't wobbling or anything, just moving along slowly, getting used to the gliding effect.

"Wow," I laughed. "I'm impressed."

Emmett smirked and picked up the speed at Sarah's request. She looked proud and ambitious as she started a small glide.

"We had a little practice before." Emmett admitted. "Don't tell Rose this but, when she was away I let Sarah practice skate around the house."

I smiled. "Okay, I won't tell."

Sue and Edward were skating together, and Macon and Rosalie were arguing over something. A rematch would be in order.

I watched Edward instead for a little while. We all knew Rosalie would win anyway. He was smiling politely while Sue went on about something animatedly. He had a good glide, better than mine. I found myself smiling at him, for no reason really. He had a black hat on that covered his ears, and he towered over Sue effortlessly. It was a cute sight.

After a lap Rosalie came up behind us, panting heavily. Macon came a few seconds afterwards.

She slowed her breathing as a small smile spread across her face. Macon looked pissed.

"I win," she breathed.

His eyes narrowed in response, but they softened as he too tried to control his breathing.

I smiled.

Rosalie turned to us.

"Hi, Sarah! You are doing so well!" she praised excitedly.

Rosalie's eyes seemed to light up in response to her. She turned to Emmett. "It's in her blood, you know." She banged her fist on her chest.

Emmett scoffed but otherwise smiled.

"How would you feel about going with just mommy for a little while?" Rosalie asked Sarah.

She smiled enthusiastically and immediately let go of my hand and Emmett's. Her balance waned slightly but Rosalie was quick to catch her.

Sue came towards us now with a big smile on her face. I swear she was always happy.

"So, who won?!" she clapped her hands in anticipation.

Rosalie laughed. "Well, isn't it obvious?" she responded cockily.

Macon was fuming again.

"You were on the inside the whole time! And there were more people in my way." he exclaimed.

Sue frowned ruefully. "Aw, my poor Macon," she patted his shoulder.

Macon slumped slightly. He was such a sore loser sometimes. And yet he insisted on playing games that he knew he sucked at. At least he was determined, I reasoned.

Rosalie, Emmett and Sarah were further ahead of us now.

"I'm going to go get a drink of water. Do you have a dollar, mom?" Macon asked while moving out of someone's way.

Sue scowled. "Follow me," she sighed.

I decided to stay on the ice. Macon followed Sue and it was quite the comical sight. His form was slumping while Sue was swift. Soon they were both off the ice and heading for the soda machine.

I giggled at the way Macon was walking before turning around and settling in for another lap. It wasn't overly crowded today, but we just got here at a good time. There were more teenagers here than adults, which was sort of annoying but not distractingly bad. Rosalie was the only one holding Sarah's hand now and they were moving at a quicker pace. Emmett swiveled in front of them smoothly and I suddenly wished that I could do that.

Soon, I realized that I was just few dozen yards behind Edward. His back was turned from me because we were on a straight. Since I had no one to talk to, and I didn't want things between us to be overly distant and awkward, I sped up to meet him. I reasoned further with myself that we could have perfectly friendly conversation without any awkward moments. Last night had proven so, well… at least the last part did.

And I was also…lonely. Not just lonely for company… but for his. He seemed like a nice guy and I wanted to get to know him further, innocently of course. If I couldn't date him, well, _since_ I _can't_ date him, I can still be friends, right?

I shook my head. I was over thinking things again. Just let things be.

I caught up with him.

"Hey," I said, voice dripping with casualness.

He jumped slightly before turning to me and smiling hesitantly.

"Having fun?" I questioned, keeping pace with him.

He nodded naturally. "Yeah, actually, I am."

I smiled. "That's good."

"Are you," he raised an eyebrow and when I didn't answer continued, "having fun? I mean."

I smiled. "Yes, I am."

He nodded and his smile wasn't so tight anymore.

"Have you been ice skating before?" I asked even though it was mildly obvious he had… just making conversation. So far, so good.

I suddenly got the urge to do that swivel thing that Emmett did. It looked so cool. So, while I was asking him, I attempted it… even though I've never skated backwards before.

This thought did not occur to me until it was too late. I lost my balance, couldn't move in any direction but forward, and grabbed on to Edward's arm unthinkingly and instinctually.

He wasn't expecting it at all because I ended up pulling him down with me. We both landed on our sides with a muted thud. And pain shot through my ankle the second we were motionless.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked tensely, trying to get up but failing because the ice was slippery and I hadn't let go of his arm yet.

And I suddenly got the urge to laugh. At everything. At the condescending stares a few girls who skated past us shot. At the fact that Emmett let Sarah skate in the house. At Macon for being such a sore loser, even at the age of twenty-seven. A

Edward finally sat himself up and continued asking me if I was alright.

"My ankle," I managed to gasp between giggles.

Maybe it was that thing that your body does when it's injured, how you can't feel the pain for a few moments. It's an automatic thing that your body does in case you need to flee from the sight. Whatever it was, I couldn't feel any real pain at the moment.

I laughed harder when Edward _gingerly_ picked up my ankle and tried to set it in a more comfortable position.

I was really, _really_ ticklish there, even through the skates. So I giggled some more. Edward looked at me like I was crazy for the most part, but after a while he smiled at me, and started laughing too.

And then I laughed because I realized that Edward was still holding my hand.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading. :)))))) Reviews are appreciated.


	4. Just Like Heaven

**Story: I'm Not Yours  
**

**Rating: M for later chapters.**

**A/N:** This is a shorter chapter than the others. Sorry for the mini delay. You should see my other story... I'm guilty there. Oh, and as you can see, I changed the title and summary. Just a little re-_vamping_.

* * *

Edward's-Rational-Yet-So-Naive-POV

I was positive that whatever Bella was attempting to do right now was a bad idea. She looked determined, jaw set, eyes tight, but still alight. She was in front of me now, looking shocked, then worried, and then I don't know because her face was suddenly thrown into my shoulder and we were both on the ground.

_Bad. Bad. Bad._

I bit my lip tightly to stifle the groan that wanted to escape. This was too much. Too much fucking temptation.

I was overwhelmed with her scent and her warmth and her feel, her dependence, even though it only lasted for a seemingly life threatening moment.

I clenched my fists tightly before composing myself. Bella made a slight sound of pain. I willed myself to look down and saw that her ankle was twisted in an unhealthy position.

Ah, no.

"Are you okay, Bella?" I asked quickly. I certainly didn't want to see her hurt.

I didn't want Macon to see this. Yes, it was innocent, but how far could I go in caring for his girlfriend that wouldn't cross the line?

She started laughing then, for reasons unclear to me. I bit my lip again and finally sat up straight. We'd have to move her soon. This little accident was causing a road block, not good.

I figured that moving her ankle would suffice for the time being. Macon would see this and come soon, hell even Emmett. Someone other than me, please.

Wary of the damage, I picked her little skate covered foot and placed it in a more natural position. I was worried she'd lash out then, sprained – or strained for that matter – ankles hurt. But she just laughed harder, and arched her back suddenly.

Was she ticklish?

Our eyes met and hers were playful.

And I couldn't help myself. I started laughing too, hers was infectious.

Her eyes sparkled before she looked away. I followed her gaze.

Her soft, little hand was inside mine, gripping it tightly in either pain or laughter, I couldn't be sure.

It was cool and wet from the ice and I should let go now.

Fuck. It felt tingly.

How the hell did that happen exactly?

I pulled away quickly. She would understand.

Her laughter softened into a few giggles before it subsided completely.

I didn't meet her eyes after that.

Instead, I asked her if she thought she could get up. In my peripheral vision I saw that she nodded. I stood up and then reluctantly held out my hand for her… again.

She took it while she sat up but couldn't go any further. I was met with resistance. I looked down at her to see what was wrong.

She was biting her lip. "I think I need more help." she nearly whispered.

_Come off as polite but detached_, I chanted internally.

There was no way around this.

I nodded quickly in a way that said 'Yeah, yeah, of course.'

I leaned down and held out both arms for her. She grabbed onto them and our combined strength successfully hoisted her up.

I felt it again, radiating off of her as we were connected. Dependence. Physical dependence. It didn't mean anything important, and after we fell, it wasn't the closest contact I had shared with her.

But it felt different.

She was in my arms for a moment too brief, but at the same time too long.

It shouldn't have happened.

But it did.

There was no controlling it.

"Ow, ow, ow" Bella mumbled while picking up her injured ankle and standing on one foot.

She wouldn't be able to skate far like that.

I watched as she tried to move forward, but quickly lost her balance and leaned on me for support.

Her chest was pressed up against my arm and both of her hands were gripping my shoulder. Our eyes met. She looked up at me with such worry. I didn't want her to feel that way, even though it was probably for the best.

We were getting into dangerous territory here, she should be getting worried.

The air was stuffy all of a sudden. Our faces were too close. I could smell her. God, I could smell her. And she smelt so good. Like nothing I've ever smelt before, on a girl, on anyone.

Sounds melted away around us. Shapes turned into colorful blurs. I noticed Bella's lips were parted. She was breathing heavily through her mouth. I shouldn't be looking at her lips. I looked back up to her eyes.

She was examining my face, her eyes furrowed.

I pulled my head back slightly.

"Here," I said.

I realized that I had no other choice at the moment but to wrap my arm around Bella's waist. Her _slim_ waist. Ungh.

If someone else was here, carrying her to the nearest exit would be far less 'romantic'. She could easily wrap her arms around my shoulders and the other's while we simply transported her off the rink.

But no one else was here at the moment. And I had to get her off the ice.

She complied and leaned into me more for support as I pulled her to me and began skating.

I. Was. Going. To. Explode.

She was so _warm_.

And she felt so right. I couldn't explain it.

I wanted nothing more at that moment then to pull her face to mine and kiss her till we were both breathless.

Instincts.

Instincts that I had to ignore.

I tried to control my breathing, but it was coming in shallow pants as I tried to efficiently pull her along with me as she limped.

She lost her balance slightly and her grip on my jacket tightened.

"Oops, sorry." she said quickly.

I took a deep breath. "It's okay," It came off a lot more hostile than I had intended.

Freedom, in the form of a break in the circling walls, was just ahead.

Both of our steps were wobbly as we made our way to the nearest bench. I was thankful it was only a foot away from the ice.

I all but shoved her off of me when I sat her down. And her expression was one of hurt, not physical… but emotional.

_She knows we _can't_ do this_.

"How does it feel?" I asked, trying to come across as gentle.

It still sounded like I barked at her.

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to calm the emotions swirling in me.

I was feeling really frustrated right about then.

She sighed. "It hurts but I don't think I sprained it."

I snapped my eyes open. "How do you know that?"

She looked up to me then, nostrils flaring. "I just do, okay?"

I sighed and looked away, rubbing my face. It was still wet from Bella's hand.

I didn't want to be mean to her. Hell, I didn't even act this way on purpose.

My fucking emotions were getting the best of me again.

Why did we keep getting thrown together?

It just wasn't fair!

That I had to just sit here and be teased and taunted and _tempted_ with something I couldn't have.

_Everything_ about her drew me in. Her scent. Her hair. Her smile. Her laugh. Her _warmth_.

I wanted Bella so much… in everyway possible.

I wanted to break something.

I needed to blow off some steam.

"Bella? Are you okay?" someone called.

I turned to see Sue and Macon heading our way, wobbling hesitantly in their skates.

They were far enough away to give me enough time to make my escape. I left without looking at Bella again.

I could barely walk in the stupid skates so once I was behind a wall where they couldn't see me; I quickly undid the laces and took them off.

I growled and tore off my hat. I pulled my hair – _hard_ – at the roots. To the point where my eyes stung. I could smell Bella's dizzying scent on me.

This wasn't getting any easier.

I still knew I had to resist. I still had control of my actions around Bella.

But my God damn feelings were getting in the way.

It _fucking hurt_ to see Bella with Macon.

I hated it.

I couldn't stand it.

This morning, Oh, God, this morning.

Was. Fucking. Awful.

Macon got to touch her, look at her adoringly, kiss her, do whatever he fucking wanted.

It was driving me mad.

_I_ wanted to do those things!

But Christ, I had already established that I would never be able to.

I had accepted it!

But I couldn't get the want out of my head.

I couldn't escape the feelings, the images, the _thoughts_ in my head.

I dreamt about Bella. After we said our goodbyes and I had _told_ myself, promised my self, that I _would not_ act on my feelings, there I was in my dream – doing the complete opposite.

I pulled her into the pantry, which was near the kitchen and had a door with stained glass for a window. I pushed her up against a shelf containing canned peas and told her that I wanted her. I told her that I didn't care what other's thought. That I couldn't resist.

And then I kissed her.

I woke up before her reaction played out in my head.

It was a nightmare.

That was so out of character for me.

I didn't care?

Of course I did! I couldn't hurt Macon _or_ Bella like that!

But I wanted her. I wanted her so bad that it consumed me for the rest of the night. After that dream I slept peacefully, but was awoken by my own voice, mumbling Bella's name.

I sighed. I was in a very fucked up position right now.

But I could fix it if I wanted.

I could pull myself away from Bella even more now. Hey, if I wasn't around her, I wouldn't have to face the temptation. And God knows how I reacted to the temptation. And then before I knew it, Christmas would be over. I could go back to my life and shut Bella out from that point on.

There was a part of me that recoiled at that idea. It was the part that was Bella's smile and laugh and lips and cheeks. It was the part of me that wanted her. It was the part of me that couldn't resist. All wrapped up into one persistent monster, all aiming at destroying relationships.

I felt a searing pain in my right hand. I looked down and saw that it was clenched tightly around my shirt. As I pulled it away, it hurt to stretch my fingers. There was also a tear in the material where my hand had once been.

"Does it hurt here?" I heard Macon's voice in the distance behind me.

"No," Bella's voice sounded annoyed.

"Here?" he persisted.

"No…" She drew the word out longer this time to justify her point.

"Here?"

"Ow! Stop pinching me, Macon!"

I turned around and peered out from behind the wall.

Macon was smiling up at Bella with her leg in his lap. He enjoyed teasing her, I could tell. But I knew that he loved her nonetheless.

Bella wasn't looking at him. Instead she was looking at her foot as she tried to pull it out of his grasp.

I knew then, that even though earlier – on the ride here when Bella was quietly singing to herself even though she thought no one could hear – I thought that the temptation could only make me stronger, it was making me weaker.

It backfired.

And as Macon succumbed and knelt up to kiss Bella on the forehead – and she gave him a fake smile – I knew that it was hard for her too… but she was trying.

That was all I needed; was for her to try. I could tell she cared about Macon. I knew she wanted to be with him.

But it still hurt to look at them. I felt that same twinge of envy and want as he stroked her knee softly and Sue told her about how they were ripped off by two soda machines before finally finding one that worked.

But Bella and I both knew that an 'us' could never be. There was no point in making each other suffer.

So we both would try.

It gave me renewed hope for the rest of our time skating.

…

It was movie night in the Bradshaw house. After we left the rink, we all packed in the Odyssey and headed towards the nearest Target. Luckily – well, it depends on the way you look at things – Bella had a knack for getting car sick, effectively placing her in the front passenger seat, not next to me.

The ride there was uneventful, filled with an episode of _Spongebob Squarepants_ and Macon annoyingly reciting every line.

While in the parking lot, he thought it would be a good idea to hitch a ride on my back. I made it about two feet before dropping him unceremoniously on the dirty ice.

Rosalie took Sarah to the toys while we all migrated towards their movie selection. Bella was quiet and stayed away from both Macon and I.

Its funny how that hurt me too; but not as much as seeing them together did.

That pain cut deeper. It stirred something different inside of me.

This trip too, was uneventful for the most part.

We picked out an assortment of movies and purchased them and left.

"Starbucks! Starbucks! Where all your dreams come true!" sang Sue happily.

I wasn't expecting this stop.

But it was just for her, I suppose it was her secret for staying happy and cheerful _all the time_.

We were just pulling back into the district when I took a glance up at Bella. She looked me in the eye for a moment, expressionless, and then quickly glanced away.

It was enough to increase all the tension, sexual tension, between us tenfold. It made me uncomfortable, and unbearably turned on at the same time.

And even though I knew it was wrong, and I knew that thinking about it would only make matters worse, I still found myself getting lost in fantasies of her.

I would just find myself looking out the window, at the blank snow, and suddenly my head would be filled with an image of Bella holding my arm and tracing the veins.

Or I'd stare at the cup holder for a few moments and see Bella laughing. I could almost hear it too. It made me shiver.

I looked back up to see if indeed she was laughing, but she was just staring down at her lap, quietly mouthing the words to a Cure song. I got the feeling she did that unconsciously.

Too take my mind off of Bella; I listened closely to the song playing on the radio. After recognizing it, and realizing that I new how to play it; I placed my hands above my lap and mindlessly began moving my fingers in a sloppy portrayal of the song.

And then I just closed my eyes and lost myself. The image behind them was Bella. And she wasn't looking at me.

I let my imagination take over. She looked up to me and smiled shyly before taking my hands in hers and weaving our fingers together. She then leaned forward, parted her lips, took a deep breath, let it out, and opened her eyes and smiled at me.

I leaned forward hesitantly and kissed her forehead repeatedly.

It was an innocent fantasy, but a deep one all the same. It was exactly what I wanted. Bella was mine at the time, and we were gently sharing our adoration.

But I opened my eyes and was forced to face reality. The garage door was opening and everyone was taking their seatbelts off, ready to get inside.

And Bella wasn't mine.

Did this fantasy make me feel better? Did it make things worse?

I couldn't decide. It wasn't necessarily having the dream and now having it gone that hurt. I was still conscious throughout, I knew it wasn't real.

It was the fact that I couldn't change anything, ever, to make her mine. It was the fact that I would have to live without her in the way that I desired. It was the sheer hopelessness of the situation that hurt. Those were truly depressing thoughts. I could have her all I wanted inside my head, but it wasn't real. It was just an outlet. A place for me to go when I wasn't paying attention.

At least it was my own.

…

Okay, things were getting _really_ awkward between Bella and I. The tension was strong after the incident while skating. I hadn't realized this until now but Bella _had_ appeared fuming and indignant while defending the fact that she knew her ankle wasn't sprained.

I didn't notice it because I was too caught up in my own emotions of frustration. But I suppose she had every right to get angry with me. My sour mood caused me to treat her harshly. And I was sorry, but would apologizing for it really matter? Was she naive enough to think that I was mad at her for other reasons besides the obvious? Besides the fucked up situation we, well I, was in?

She had to know why I was upset. That little stunt was _seriously_ testing my strength. So, I didn't apologize to her.

We all hung around the house for the rest of the day, watching TV, popping in a few movies, checking our mail, just lounging. And during this time Bella and I had tried to avoid each other, for mutual and separate reasons. But anytime we were thrown together, perhaps she was getting something out of the fridge and I happened to be on my laptop in the kitchen, she didn't speak and neither did I.

Or when we walked through the same hall with different goals in mind and I went left and she went left and that went on for sometime before she blushed and ducked beside me.

It got me thinking, should I apologize to her? Or was it too late? Would the drama just die down?

Ah, who was I kidding?

With my luck, obviously, nothing would ever die down just to make my life easier. It would just appear that way while simultaneously making things more difficult. It seemed my luck was working overtime this Christmas.

But no need to dwell on that, as there was no need to dwell on the fact that I could never be with Bella. Well, sometimes I needed to dwell on that when the going got tough. And when I say going I mean temptation from Bella.

But since we had been avoiding each other all afternoon, and onto supper time, I had no need to think about that.

Instead, I concentrated on getting some spreadsheets done and checking up on my parents. Spreadsheets finished, and parents having a wonderful time on their second honeymoon, I headed into the living room.

Everyone was in there, watching the Christmas specials on random sitcoms.

"Edward, babe, wanna sit on my lap?" Macon questioned while opening his arms for me.

I just laughed and took my place on the same recliner as last night.

"Have you ever seen this show?" said Macon.

I looked at the screen for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, I think I have."

That was the extent of the conversation for a while. When a particularly funny part came on, someone broke the silence with laughter but there was no consequential conversation.

I leaned back and placed my hands behind my head, but I just couldn't relax. My back was sore, thank you, Macon. But it was also stiff. Thank you, Bella.

I turned to her quickly, peering out of the corner of my eye. She was watching the TV but looked less than interested. I couldn't say I was getting into it too much either. In fact, I had seen this episode last year. During the commercials it usually got quiet until one for erectile dysfunction came on. Macon was the first to snicker.

Emmett made a crack at Macon in question of his performance. Sue plugged her ears and said, "I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this."

Rosalie slapped Emmett's head.

Macon said that he performed greatly, "Just ask Bella!"

I flinched at that.

And even though I knew it would make Bella uncomfortable, I couldn't help but look at her to see her reaction. She blushed feverishly and punched Macon in his shoulder.

"Shut up!" she hissed before leaving the room.

I watched her form retreat into Greg's study by the formal entry way. And then she was gone.

The room grew silent. Macon looked sheepish. Emmett was having problems controlling his laughter. Sue sighed as she unplugged her ears and went into the kitchen to order pizza. And as she left she said, "Because of that little act, I pick where we're ordering from."

I couldn't help but feel bad for Bella. It was an embarrassing topic to discuss right in front of Sue. Sometimes Macon had no shame, he just sacrificed it all for comedy.

Bella's mood didn't seem to improve during supper. She only ate one slice at best, but mostly just picked at it.

I felt sorry for her. And it did hurt me to see her that way.

I guess today had been a trying day for the both of us.

Everyone else's mood though, seemed fine. Greg got into a boring discussion about the origin of pizza, and how this pizza place was better than that and some other nonsense about the food network. I hardly paid attention to any of it.

I couldn't really explain it, but it was as if I could feel Bella's mood and it affected mine greatly. It loomed like a shadow over her, or a rain cloud, and then that cloud just migrated over to me and I felt even worse.

Macon didn't even say sorry. I suppose he felt that he didn't need to. Bella had been with him long enough to know that he was only kidding. We all knew he was. Sue forgave him easily, going back into regular joking conversation. Everyone seemed oblivious to the dark mood that loomed.

Well, not everyone. Macon did pick up on Bella's mood almost instantly. He pulled her to the side; I tried not to watch but failed, and put his hand on her cheek. She stood stiff; they spoke quietly for a few moments before Macon must have said something funny because she laughed. He took that opportunity to kiss her, and I turned away at that, unable to look any longer.

After dinner we all roamed into the living room to watch our movie. I sat in a different recliner, Bella sat by Macon and Rosalie. Emmett took Sarah into The Princess room to watch her own G-Rated movie while he got on the phone with his parents. Sue and Greg shared a loveseat.

We watched some movie about a conspiracy and it was pretty interesting but generic all the same. Nothing that hasn't been made before.

After that movie we watched the modern _Superman Returns_ which had Rosalie swooning. To which Macon replied with, "Oh, Kevin Spacey as Lex? I know. Hot."

Everyone laughed but Bella. Macon and I both looked to her, but _he_ had the pleasure and privilege of getting to squeeze her shoulder reassuringly. She just sighed and rested her head against him. He rubbed her arm up and down.

I didn't look at Bella for the rest of the movie.

It didn't take a genius to guess that something was wrong with her. It was also pretty obvious that it had something to do with me. So, I decided then, as everyone took their popcorn bowls into the kitchen, that I'd tell Bella I was sorry.

I just had to do something to take that wrinkle and worry out of her forehead. I knew that it wouldn't make all of our problems just disappear, but possibly – and I was grasping at strings here – it would be one less thing to bother her. I just needed to make sure she knew that I wasn't mad at her, even if it was probably better for her to think that for the long run.

But I didn't care. Because for now, we had another two full days together, and I didn't want them to be filled with misunderstandings and awkward confrontations. Okay, those would always be with us as long as the sexual tension was, but at least maybe, if she knew that I wasn't mad at her – and she was a girl, so I'm assuming an apology would make her feel better – maybe we could have a semi normal relationship…

It sounded impossible even to me, but I just had to keep reminding myself that in three days we would both be gone, and we wouldn't have to deal with this any longer… hopefully.

I based a lot of shit on hope.

But I couldn't let my mind go to other conclusions, conclusions where hope wasn't enough and shit happened that wasn't supposed to.

So for now, I had to hope, I had to _believe_ that we could forget.

Just a few more days and this would all be gone.

I had to hold on to that.

The opportunity to speak with Bella alone came up almost too easily. Everyone had retreated to their rooms except Bella and I. Macon was outside supposedly getting something from the car but we all knew he was smoking. Bella was folding the blanket she had used in the living room.

I walked behind her.

"Bella? Can I speak with you in private for a moment please?" I said quietly, still wary of the possibility of others hearing us. It was an open living room.

She stiffened slightly, and I backed away, suddenly realizing how close I was to her. She resumed folding the blanket and turned to me once she was finished with wide eyes, apprehensive eyes.

I smiled ruefully in encouragement. She nodded and I led the way into the kitchen. From the kitchen I took us into the hallway that led us to the formal dining room. On the left side of the way was the entrance to the pantry. The stained glass reflecting the muted light from the kitchen. I walked past it quickly.

The formal dining room was lit from the Christmas lights outside, but it was dark enough that no one would suspect that anyone was in here.

Bella wasn't looking at me. She was biting her lip and gazing at the ground, her toes curling into the rug.

I took a deep breath, perhaps it would be easier to apologize without having to make direct eye contact with her. Sure, it was cowardly but this apology wouldn't be needed under different circumstances. Even though I was sorry, it was more out of pity and a want for her to be happy.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I spoke softly, hesitantly. Her toes stopped curling in the carpet. "About today, my behavior wasn't acceptable." I paused and looked at her. She was gazing up at me from under her eyelashes. I was having trouble remaining focused. "I'm sorry for everything." And that's where I slipped up.

It was never implied verbally between us the attraction we shared. We were both physically and mentally aware of it. But I just voiced it subtly.

Did this change anything?

Did it make things better?

Did it make things worse?

Bella smiled sadly at me and nodded. "I'm sorry, too."

It was officially acknowledged.

We heard the back door open. I stared at her for a beat longer before we both broke eye contact.

Bella turned around. "I should probably go."

I nodded quickly in understanding and swallowed. "Night," I whispered for no reason.

"See you tomorrow." she said as she left.

No night meeting. A good thing.

I didn't have anything to wrap anyway, and it was a cloudless night.

No reason to meet.

I smiled anyway at the floor for a few moments before I heard Bella and Macon go upstairs. I didn't get the idea she was mad at me anymore, or if she was ever truly mad to begin with. It was just a lot to deal with, and maybe it was just getting to her as much as me.

I walked out of the formal dining room and headed towards the basement.

After I brushed my teeth and turned on the History Channel, I found myself exhausted after the first five minutes of some show about Neanderthals.

I shut the TV off and closed my eyes, willing sleep to come. I should have known the dreams would come too.

_I sat on the sofa, waiting for her to come. The TV wasn't on; we weren't going to watch it. I smiled when she came out of the kitchen with a big smile on her face. I opened my arms for her and she giggled before flinging herself onto my lap. Her weight forced an 'oof!' out of my stomach. She smiled and stroked my face softly, tracing my eyebrows before starting a path from my ears to my cheeks, from my cheeks to my lips._

_I didn't like to be teased, not from her. I had wanted her too much. I pulled her face to mine and brushed our lips together tenderly, getting a feel for her softness, even the warmth that radiated off of there, before applying more pressure and using my free arm to wrap around her waist and pull her closely to me._

_She sighed into the kiss while threading her fingers in my hair and playing with it. I decided to play with something else by sticking my tongue out and sweeping it across her bottom lip. She parted her lips and her tongue met mine and together they danced in perfect harmony._

_She wiggled slightly out of my grasp and straddled her legs around my waist. I could feel all of her now and I pulled her tighter against me, desperate to keep her with me._

_I didn't want to lose her. Ever. To anybody. I was never going to let her go._

_She was mine and no one else's. She would remain that way._

I woke up gasping for air, and sweating. I sat up quickly and threw my face in my hands in a self preservation act.

This nightmare was more vivid. There were no thoughts of guilt, no thoughts of Macon; it was just me and my instinct to keep her as mine and no one else's.

How contradictory? She wasn't mine. She was someone else's. And she _would_ remain that way. And after Christmas, I would have to let her go.

I didn't want to lose her, but I had to.

Dreams were more frightening than fantasies. I wasn't conscious, and had more imagination and abandon to do whatever I pleased in them

Where as in my daytime fantasies I always knew in the back of my head that they weren't real, and my actions were always measured.

In my dreams, well, anything was possible.

And that scared me, not having control over it.

But perhaps, I could get control.

Bella came into my life in a whirlwind fashion, giving me no time to prepare or recuperate. Every minute temptation and other conflicts seemed to be flung my way. I was always one step back.

But if I could harness some type of control, well, perhaps not control, but maybe shield against these feelings, my dreams wouldn't be filled with so much abandon.

Bella couldn't possibly be this fascinating and unpredictable to me for the rest of my life? I would grow used to her mannerisms and hopefully be able to predict what she'd do next, what she wouldn't prefer, and things like that.

The shield would be, in a way, just a file of Bella inside my head, a file like all the rest. A file that I would grow to know. And if I knew that file, I wouldn't be as uncontrollably fascinated with it anymore.

And then maybe she wouldn't haunt my dreams.

That seemed to be my only hope at the moment.

Because if I continued having dreams like my most recent ones, my feelings would just get jumbled and mixed up and I wouldn't be able to look at Bella without relaying them again inside my head. Just like the pantry door, forever that room will be stained with my dream.

Again, another thing to hope for.

And hope combined with bad luck and having the universe against you, really doesn't work to your advantage.

I had to think of something else.

Today had been a tough day. But it wasn't all bad. I did resist kissing Bella senselessly. No relationships were ruined, perhaps my resistance _was_ strengthened?

I guess I'd just have to find out tomorrow.

But of course there were things that didn't quite go according to plan, this dream for one, acknowledging our feelings for two.

But if we had ignored it in the beginning, just because it was out in the open, didn't mean that anything had to change.

It's not like we didn't know.

I lay back against my pillow, tired and frustrated but still hopeful. Cause, again, it was all I had.

End of day two with Bella.

Two more to go.

Not to mention the departure on the twenty-sixth. Perhaps I could find away to leave early.

I'd check it out tomorrow.

For now though, I should sleep. I could try that old method when you thought of something before you slept and dreamt about it. But it was hard to get Bella off of my mind long enough.

Perhaps I could fall asleep with the TV on.

Surrendering, I found the History Channel. It was paid programming.

I didn't bother checking the time.

Instead I thought of Macon. My best friend. Whom I'd never hurt, never betray. Because that's what friends did.

It made me stronger to think of our friendship.

Whereas thinking of Bella just made my head nearly explode.

Yes, this situation was difficult. But I was certain that I could prevail. I would keep my head, because as of now it's what I want. My friendship with Macon is more important than Bella.

After all, I've known Macon for twenty-three years, and Bella for two days. The choice, as of now, is clear.

I felt better after that realization. I could do this.

Dreams or not. Fantasies or not.

The logical side would win.

Because that was how I always worked, logically.

And I wasn't about to change that over a girl.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading! As you can see, a vicious cycle is in the making here. Edward gives himself a pep talk, grows confident, and then Bella comes along and destroys that. He convinces himself again, accepts everything, tries to find ways to make things easier, and then Bella comes along and you know the rest. He's bound to break one day, right? I mean, he's only human. Next chapter: Scene It. I wonder who the teams will be... nah I'm just kidding. I already know.

Please review! :))))))**  
**


	5. She Moves in Her Own Way

**A/N:** Apologies really don't cut it for delays, but, nonetheless, I am _terribly_ sorry. I have every intention of completing this story, but things get in the way. I've probably lost all of the precious readers I had before, but, oh, well. That's life.

**Previously on _I'm Not Yours_: Edward and Bella hit a rough spot on the Ice Rink, but sort things out later in a dimly lit dining room. They acknowledge the shared attraction, and Edward comes to accept again, that he can never be with Bella. He vows to act logically, like he always has. No matter how many dreams he has...**

**

* * *

**I didn't have another dream about Bella that night. Though when I awoke I had the image of Macon on a surf board stuck in my head… which was weird. But better than Bella.

Sighing, I made my way into the guest bathroom to shower. I woke up exceptionally early today so I decided to make the best of it. Paranoid of someone flushing the toilet while I was in there, I was in and out quickly. Dressing in my Quicksilver hoodie, I made my way upstairs.

Greg and Sue were at the island reading the paper and eating breakfast respectively. I helped myself to a bowl of cereal and joined them.

"Okay, so we need cheese, stuffing, popcorn and… What the hell is this?" Sue questioned while gesturing to the grocery list usually attached to the fridge. There was a squiggle that looked like it was originally meant to be a word.

Greg squinted. "I have no clue. Ask Macon when he gets up. It looks like his scrawl." With that he folded the newspaper, threw on his coat and headed out the door.

"Are you going to make a real Christmas dinner this year?" I teased Sue.

Usually she just catered from Whole Foods.

She smirked. "Yes and no. I'm preparing the side dishes but we're getting the turkey from Whole Foods. I just can't handle that much responsibility."

I laughed and went back to my cereal.

We finished our breakfast with mindless chatter. Soon, a tired looking Emmett and Rosalie made their way into the kitchen with a jubilant Sarah. I stayed and talked with Emmett for a while before we both made our way into the living room to watch the morning news.

It was a bunch of holiday oriented shit. For some odd reason they were interviewing Santa Claus. Talking with Emmett though, was entertaining. So was watching him and Rosalie bicker. It was times like these I was thankful I wasn't married.

I was feeling good today. Yesterday was a bit rough but I entered this morning with a new perspective on things. Life is only as hard as you make it. And that was true. I could enjoy this Christmas vacation if I just let myself. Which I planned on doing.

Bella and I had both acknowledged our feelings last night. It was a step, but not necessarily towards a relationship. Perhaps the case was opened nearly the same night it was closed. And I was okay with that.

Well, I was okay with it until Macon and Bella came downstairs – the last ones, naturally.

Bella looked lovely as always. Macon looked like a schmuck but I just brushed that off. From the second _she_ rounded the staircase, I only had eyes for her.

And it was stupid. But I couldn't stop myself.

She smiled up at me shyly before plopping down on the couch. Macon followed suit. The morning news shows were now over and replaced with soaps… which we watched for the remainder of the time it took Sue and Rosalie to make the grocery list.

Why they didn't get groceries yesterday or the day before was beyond me. It was Christmas Eve and Whole Foods would be packed.

"Ah, it's hot in here." Macon said as he tugged is sweatshirt.

I wasn't prepared for what was under it.

He was wearing a black tee shirt with Bill Gates' mug shots plastered over the front. This was all fine and well except for the fit.

The shirt was entirely too _small_. If Macon were to stand up we'd all catch a glimpse of his midriff. It was too early in the day for that shit.

"Macon," Bella sighed while shaking her head softly.

"What?" He turned is attention back to the television screen – as if he wasn't wearing that shirt.

"Is this a joke?" Emmett asked. I was surprised he wasn't laughing yet. But then I realized why. If this was indeed a joke, it wouldn't be funny. It would just be lame.

"_What_?"

Bella raised her eyebrows while opening and closing her mouths a few times, staring at him incredulously. "Macon, _look_ at yourself."

He moved his arms away as he gazed down at his chest. "So…"

"Your shirt is too tight!" I laughed.

Bella giggled as she managed to say, "Stand up, Macon."

He looked like he was going to protest but obliged shortly after the narrowing of his eyes.

"Oh, my God!" Emmett shielded his face.

Macon pulled his shirt down self consciously as he watched Bella explode in laughter.

She leaned over the table to her left while I leaned into my right. Our eyes met and the laughter continued between us. Her gaze shifted back to Macon.

"You have to throw it away. It's too-too- too _small_!" she stammered. I smiled at her.

"It's my favorite shirt."

Emmett laughed louder before Macon stormed off and ran up the stairs. I looked back to Bella to find her watching Macon, still recovering from her laughter.

"I think he was blushing." I told her.

She turned to me and rolled her eyes. "Poor guy…"

I pulled back and placed my hands behind my head. Bella giggled one last time before spreading her legs across the couch.

I smiled at her from where I sat. She wouldn't be able to see anyway. I was happy just for the simple fact that we could actually hold conversation without any awkward silences. Maybe there was hope for a friendship…

After all, Bella was a pretty cool girl.

If I couldn't have her in my life the way I wanted, the way my body craved, then a friendship would have to do. But then there was the whole difficult sexual tension thing I wasn't taking into account…

For some reason though, it seemed to dissipate some when Macon was the topic of our aloud musings. It was weird. I couldn't make sense of it. But I wasn't complaining. I was welcoming it. And for once, I just decided not to overanalyze.

…

Shortly after the shirt scandal Sue and Rosalie were ready to go to the grocery store. Emmett opted to stay out and baby sit Sarah – well, not much as opted but was forced to by none other than Rosalie. It was amazing the power she held over him. I'd have to poke fun at him for it later.

The Odyssey was in the driveway and heated. I walked out on the front porch and kicked some snow up. Walking towards the car, Bella caught up beside me.

"Hey," she breathed. Her hair was whipping around her furiously, the small ear muffs not doing much to control the wild strands.

I forced a smile. "Did you make sure Macon's shirt was disposed of?" And just like that, it was easy to talk to her. I was just a guy going along in making Macon feel like a douche. I wasn't the crazy boyfriend's friend that wanted to jump her. Well, at least not at the moment. And for this I was thankful.

She rolled her eyes. "I found it underneath his pillow." She pronounced each word clearly.

Bella looked up at me with wide, incredulous eyes.

I laughed harshly. "Oh, my God…" I looked up towards the sky. It was blindingly bright outside, even though the clouds were cutting off the sun.

"I know! I mean, he buys the shirt one size too small to begin with, _and then_ insists on washing it in hot water. After one wash it was a goner. And now this…" She sighed and shook her head.

I looked down at her and smiled unabashedly. She shyly met my gaze before giggling and turning a way.

"Shoooooootguuuuuuuun!" Macon yelled as he flew past us and towards the van.

Bella growled, or at least she made a sound that resembled that. I stared at her incredulously. She marched over to Macon as he stepped inside the car.

"Macon," she sighed.

He cocked his head to the side before understanding and looking annoyed. "Oh, come on, Bella. The grocery store is like five miles away! You'll be fine." he reprimanded.

She stood up on her tip-toes for a moment, biting her lip, before resigning with a sigh. "Alright."

Well that was quick.

"You better not throw up on me." Rosalie commanded at Bella while brushing past me.

Bella smirked, recovering quickly. "I wouldn't think of it." Then she turned to me and raised her eyebrows. "Edward?" she asked hopefully.

I narrowed my eyes at her and pursed my lips. "No,"

She shrugged and followed Rosalie into the van. I rolled my eyes and let a laugh escape me. I was happy that we could joke lightheartedly like that. No awkward moments.

Sue came out shortly after I got in and in no time we were peeling out of the driveway. I didn't understand Macon's mother sometimes, just like I didn't understand him.

The entire way there I couldn't help but be acutely aware of Bella's thigh pressed up tightly against mine, and yet there was an entire inch between her and Rosalie. I didn't understand that. But I wasn't complaining either. How could I when Bella radiated such _heat_? For the time being, I just relished in it. Relished in the fact that she was close, within reach. Relished in the fact that being friends with her was becoming a possibility.

I was jerked out of my "relishing" when Sue slammed on the breaks before abruptly cutting someone off for a parking space. This sudden movement was enough to clear my head, making me realize that even _if_ I could be friends with Bella, I would always want more.

Sue parked like a mile away from the actual entrance but said that it was the best she could do. She and Rosalie were power walking ahead of us. Deciding not to tag along with them, I trailed with Macon and Bella who were going at a leisurely pace. Macon had his arm around her shoulder but I tried to ignore that.

"Cos I'm a better man, moving onto better things!" Macon's rendition of the song playing in the car on the way here was terrible to say the least. "Oh, uh, oh, I love her because," He displayed Bella to some random pedestrian rushing to their car. "She moves in her own way!" he shrieked the last part, not even bothering trying to stay in tune.

"Macon, that's enough." I heard Bella mumble. I smiled at her sympathetically. She giggled, biting her lip and turning away.

"Bella, are you serious? Do you have any idea how many women would want me to serenade them? Do you?" He questioned her pitifully.

I laughed at that. "Come on, Macon. Don't get ahead of yourself."

He grinned. "Impossible, my man." he said before we all picked up our pace. Snow was now pelting our faces.

Inside was just as crowded as I had assumed. It had to be with the amount of full spaces out in the parking lot. This just frustrated me. Weren't families supposed to be at home on Christmas Eve? There must be a lot of lazy fools out there who would save all their shopping till last minute, the Bradshaw's now included.

Macon went off to help Sue get a cart. Rosalie's blonde head could be seen bobbing with a mission through one of the isles already. Apparently she was too cool for waiting _and_ a cart.

Bella and I stood awkwardly near a shelf displaying canned pineapple juice. There was drama all around us. Babies crying. Parents bickering. Old people getting lost, poor souls. Carts crashing. Yes, carts crashing. Multiple collisions were happening left and right. What the hell was wrong with these people? The stores would be opened again in two days. This wasn't the apocalypse.

I looked towards Bella to see her lips moving but she was now finished and I didn't catch any of it.

"What?" I asked loudly. It was the only way to be heard over the kid screeching because his toe was run over by a cart. Christ, I was getting a headache already. I leaned in closer to her, she did the same. My nose brushed her cheek on accident. I couldn't help but inhale.

She blushed as she stuttered, "It's an animal h-house in here."

I pulled away immediately. She furrowed her eyebrows but smiled a tight grin at me before running a hand through her hair and looking away. I just laughed and it sounded awkward while nodding my head in agreement.

It was an animal house in here indeed.

I didn't want to think of the way she smelled.

Sue and Macon came into view then. Macon was sitting inside the plastic green cart, looking content.

"What the hell, Macon?" I laughed at how absurd he looked in there.

"I helped my mom wrangle this cart from some witch back there. I was rewarded." He shrugged, though the action wasn't as pronounced as it normally would be due to the lack of space. It was more of a twitch.

Bella eyed him warily, peeking inside the cart. She raised her eyebrows. "It looks uncomfortable…" she trailed off.

"Yeah, well, it's not." he retorted.

Sue plowed a small path ahead of us for Bella and I to follow, I assumed. I was surprised at her strength; she didn't seem to be having any problems pushing him.

Bella and I laughed as we followed. Macon looked so ridiculous as Sue rounded the corner of an isle, his legs dangling out, pleased look on his face.

"I can't believe Macon sometimes." I admitted between a laugh.

Bella rolled her eyes, exasperated. "He's so embarrassing."

We followed Sue and Macon to the deli side of the store. There was a long line of nervous looking adults all leading up to a table containing piles of large boxes and two people sorting through orders. We were at the end of it.

Sue bit her nails as her eyes narrowed in concentration. Macon was shivering inside the cart. "Alright, I can handle this." She pulled on Macon's jacket. "You, Bella, and Edward can get the rest of the things on my list since I'm apparently not going anywhere." Just then two people came back, cheeks flushed from the cold, complaining that they got the wrong box. "If you have any questions _at all _about the brand or location, _call me_. Macon, that means you." She glared at him before tipping the cart at an angle for him to exit.

"Sounds good," He brushed himself off.

Bella took charge of the list and soon we were steering ourselves away from Sue. There was a lot of confusion as to which brand of which product to buy, drawing out our excursion a little longer than anticipated. Bella ended up making all the calls to Sue while Macon stubbornly tried to shove the wrong items into our basket.

He also was holding Bella's hand a lot. I was a little jealous, I admit. But I was more frustrated at how it affected me. I felt sad. I _still_ felt sad. Here I thought yesterday had changed things, but how could I be so naive.

I still really, _really_ wanted Bella.

I didn't want to just fuck her. I wanted to be with her, and to be able to call her mine.

But moreover, I just wanted this vacation to end.

…

"No, no, no, no, no, Emmett. She stopped liking chocolate milk. I _told_ you this already." Rosalie was bickering on the phone with Emmett. We were about six miles away from the house.

And Bella was carsick.

I didn't really have a lot of experience with people who got sick in cars. Bella was just very quiet and peaceful with her eyes shut. She had a plastic bag in her lap, if something were to happen.

She looked adorable–weak but adorable.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do anything–couldn't kiss her temple and whisper that she'll feel better soon, couldn't take her hands in mine and try to tell her a joke in order to get her mind off of the nausea, couldn't pull her face to my shoulder and just hold her.

No, I couldn't do those things.

But Macon could.

Well, he had the option to, but he chose to stay up front and dominate the radio station. He was, however, polite enough to shut off the speakers in the back. So I guess he wasn't a total unsympathetic prick.

"Emmett, I'll be there in two minutes. Bye." Rosalie growled the last part and Bella winced into my side.

I discreetly tried to slide further into the armrest.

The snow had stopped once we arrived back, but the air was frigid. Macon and I made quick haste to get around back for the groceries. Sue, Rosalie, and Bella were heading inside.

"We're going to take Bella inside to spew chunks." Rosalie informed us seriously.

Bella paled and fear took over her features.

"What's this I hear about the spewing of chunks?" Macon joked.

Bella started running for the door, Sue hot on her tail, but not before hissing, "shut _up_, Macon!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at her brother before heading inside after them. Macon grinned before grabbing three bags in one hand. "I love that girl."

I scoffed before saying seriously, "sure seems like it." He laughed, taking it as a joke.

"Ah, but you know that I only pick on the people I care for the most." This was true. Macon was a classic example of the boy who had a crush on the girl and decided to chop her pigtails off as a sign of his affection. "And Bella's just so easy to tease. It makes my job of loving her that much easier."

The words "loving her" tugged on my heart strings a little. But I didn't lose my composure.

"I know it may seem like she doesn't like it, but I think it fuels her fire. Did I tell you how I got her to kiss me for the first time?"

I didn't say anything so he continued.

"She liked me first, but as soon as I realized my feelings for her, I decided to have a little fun drawing out the awkwardness of the first date." His eyes were really bright as we made our second trip back to the car. "Okay, so we were at _Jackass: Number Two_, don't ask how I got her to go with me, I still don't know to this day." He quickly explained, noting my expression of shock. "And I decided to poke fun at her by doing the 'yawn then stretch' and wrapping my arm around her shoulder. She tensed big time, so I pushed her further by sneezing, and then making a go for her chest, _jokingly_." He paused, staring up at the white sky in memory, smiling like an idiot - as if jokingly assaulting someone on a first date was something so wonderful and should be thought upon fondly.

He laughed at my expression. "I wasn't going to feel her up for real, Edward. God, where's your sense of humor?" He slapped me on the back before continuing. "I only did it because I wanted to get a reaction out of her, you know? To see what she'd do. I wanted to see what kind of girl she was. As in, would she let me or would she throw her popcorn at me. And as I was doing it, I realized that I didn't want her to let me. I was sick of chicks letting me feel them up on the first date. I didn't even know why I found such behavior appealing in the first place. So, I got serious about it just before my hand was about to–"

Everything was silent except for my heavy breathing. I could almost feel my nostrils flaring. Macon paused and looked at me curiously. I choked up, what did he see?

"Hey, man, are you sure I haven't told you this yet? I could've sworn –"

I shook my head quickly. "No, Macon, you haven't." I wanted to know what Bella did.

"Oh, okay. So, just as I was about to touch her she practically flew out of under my arm and recoiled away from me. Her breathing was heavy and she looked at me like I was a pervert and I just laughed at her and said I was kidding. Somebody shushed us and she raised her hand to slap me and then she just stopped shy of my face. I was flinching away from her touch and she just stared at me, fuming. And then she used that same hand that was going to possibly _destroy_ my beautiful face, and she placed it on my cheek and pulled my face to hers and kissed me."

My eyebrows furrowed.

He smiled like an ass and continued. "She felt _so_ good against me and I was just like 'Hey, I don't really mind these kinds of girls all too much.' So I just assumed that she'd let me feel her up, you know? So I placed my hand on her waist and she pulled back immediately, _again_. And I was like 'What the fuck?" I mean, wouldn't you be?" He raised his eyebrows expectantly but I could only give an unconvincing nod in agreement. "Fucking chicks and their messed up signals. So here I was – panting like a dog because she was a really good kisser – thinking, what the hell is with this chick? And she just started laughing at me. These guys behind us were joking about cock-blocking but I just stared at Bella. Come to think of it, I should've said something to those guys." He paused again, putting his hand under his chin. "I think one was in my art history class, Lloyd maybe. Yeah, it was Lloyd because I remember everyone used to call him LuLoyd." His eyes met mine and he smiled. "You know, because of the two 'Ls.'"

Macon always went off on tangents. He told stories like the elderly, but he usually corrected himself before things got _too_ out of hand.

He shook his head and set down the groceries outside the back door. "Anyway, she just laughed and called me an idiot and that she only wanted to kiss me, not to be felt up. And then she slapped me on the side of the head and went back to watching the movie. And I just thought, 'Man, I'm in love.'"

I was speechless. That had to be the most unconventional first date I had ever heard of. It seemed impossible that a pervert like Macon could get away with a fake feel up, almost get slapped, but then instead kissed senseless, then rejected for a feel up _again_, and end up where he was today. Happy and in love.

"Bella is amazing, isn't she?" Macon asked, opening the door and re-grabbing the bags.

_God_, he had no _fucking_ idea!

"I mean, not only is she totally unpredictable, but she's smart and tolerant and funny. And I love going home to her." He lifted the bags onto the island.

"And –"

Throughout his little speech I was trying to think of an appropriate way to make him stop without him sensing I was uncomfortable with him talking about her for the simple fact that I was jealous. It hurt to hear him talk about her just as much as it hurt to see them together. And then it hit me, as he rattled of all of Bella's other_worldly_ _ama_zing qualities. I could easily get away with telling him to stop for the simple fact that he was _bragging_.

"Stop, Macon." It felt better already. He stared at me bewildered. I forced a laugh and a crooked grin. "Brag much?"

He laughed and started taking off his shoes. I joined him on the bench.

"Sorry, man. I get so carried away with how awesome she is."

I breathed a real laugh and rolled my eyes.

Silence set in as we finished taking our shoes off. I could feel Macon staring at me. Growing uncomfortable, I met his serious gaze and narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

He broke eye contact immediately and sighed, looking at a snowy puddle on the floor. "Edward, be serious this time, why haven't you found anyone yet?"

I tensed. So he saw past my irritation at his bragging and saw it for something else. He thought I was jealous, but for a different reason - one not pertaining to Bella, but a relationship in general.

I shrugged. "It's not that easy." I answered simply.

He frowned but then smiled at his thought. "It should be for _you_! You're a total catch!" I rolled my eyes but Macon didn't look like he was going to give it up.

The whole catch thing was ridiculous, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was right. I got a lot of offers, and the people were mostly respectable.

But… I just couldn't connect with any of them. No matter what. No matter how cool she was or how pretty, I didn't feel a thing.

Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough. But then again, when you find someone to love, shouldn't the whole falling part be effortless? It's not like I can force myself to like someone. That obviously wouldn't work.

So where did that leave me?

"I don't really know, Macon." I answered his first question.

…

We were all sitting in the living room, watching an episode of _The Twilight Zone_, when the opening tones of "The Final Countdown" tore through the atmosphere. Everyone shifted their eyes to the top of the staircase, where Macon began treading down with his chin held up high. Rosalie was behind him, holding a small boom box, fighting a smile.

I had absolutely no clue as to what was going on. Usually whenever Macon entered the room with "The Final Countdown" playing, it meant he wanted to play Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong.

Competition.

I watched in confusion as Sue clapped her hands and made her way to the entertainment center. Opening the cabinet doors, she pulled out a box. Not a Nintendo 64.

A box.

The box read "Scene It."

"It's the Final Countdown!" Macon shouted along.

We were going to play Scene It.

I didn't know why, but I suddenly felt nervous. I looked over to Bella, and she was studying Sue as she set up the game board.

Greg laughed. "It's not Judgment Day, Edward, just a little competition."

I laughed uneasily as Rosalie turned off the music. Sue stood up and glanced at all of us before speaking. "Okay, teams. They have been picked by unbiased people, and are based solely on experience and are chosen to provide universal fairness. Greg and I, having experience in the classics, are a team. Rosalie and Macon, well, they've been a team in this game since it came out, it only makes sense they're paired together. That leaves Edward and Bella a team." She finished with a nod.

I didn't see how the teams were picked to promote "universal fairness." Rosalie spent her teen years watching movies and reading about them. And the Bradshaw's religiously rented every Friday night. It seemed that the teams were to be unbalanced.

I mean, I wasn't some pop culture fanatic. Unless Bella was some maniac having equal knowledge of Rosalie and Macon combined, we were screwed.

Everyone started congregating to their partners near the coffee table. Bella glanced shyly up at me before moving over to sit in front of the recliner I was sitting on. I sat down beside her but kept a foot of space between us.

"To prevent conflict, the game pieces will be chosen at random." Sue announced seriously. She proceeded to throw random ones at us all at once. I snickered. Bella looked at me and smiled, holding up a metal box of popcorn.

"You guys are goin' _dowwwnn_." Macon threatened.

"Not if Rosalie isn't with you," Bella cockily responded.

I looked down at her and she smirked back up at me. Perhaps she was smart in this category. The thought kind of turned me on. I looked away quickly.

Macon looked like he wanted to say something, opening and closing his mouth a few times before just saying, "you! you…"

"Rosalie!" he screeched.

"I'm coming!" She yelled distractedly from the kitchen. She was at the laptop with Emmett and Sarah, apparently setting up some computer game for them.

Sue put in the disc and immediately the opening credits of the game started - loud, suspenseful music blaring through the surround sound speakers. Rosalie came in a moment later and Macon visibly relaxed against the front of the sofa.

"Ah, cake walk," he sighed contentedly. Rosalie ignored this and requested we start the game.

After the first fifteen minutes of the game, it became clear that we weren't screwed. Sue and Greg were. Bella and I however, were in the lead by one.

"Alec Baldwin!" Bella shouted suddenly, proceeding to roll the dice and move our popcorn piece.

In the lead by seven.

The game continued. Macon and Rosalie would catch up, get ahead, and then fall behind with Bella's mad skills. We had a bit of a strategy, for knowledge, it was all her. For observance, example: What was the first word said in the clip? Or my personal favorite: What brand petroleum was being shot at? Those, those were all me.

Greg and Sue were losing, they just weren't as sharp. I was pleasantly surprised. After all, in the Bradshaw house, games were not just games. They had rewards at the end for winners. Really _good_ rewards. For example, the winners got first showers and bragging rights. I wasn't as interested in bragging as I was in showers. But Macon would most likely treasure the rights more if he were to win.

But in every game, there are losers. And the losers got rewards too. "Dinner and Dish Duty," they had called it. Obviously, no one wanted that prize, and as a result the competition turned fierce. It was announced that because it was so close, we would be having a round two, for possible redemptions.

Bella and I won both rounds, and there were no redemptions. We really were that good. Game one was tight, and we ended up winning in the finals circle. Game two was even tighter and there was a surplus of all plays. It was agreed that Macon and Rosalie won as many as Bella and I. But, in the end, our strategy fared well and we won.

The DVD played the silly theatrics for the winners, and Bella turned to me with a radiant smile, all signs of her earlier carsickness gone at that moment.

"High-five!" She suggested, holding her hand in the air.

If I hesitated, people would notice. So, I just did the natural thing and slapped her hand with a smile of companionship on my face. Bella glanced at her hand quickly before composing herself and leaning back against the recliner.

"Ah, cake walk," she mimicked.

Macon narrowed his eyes at her before grumbling something and going into the kitchen.

"Every time we play that game I always wonder afterwards why I wanted to in the first place." Sue told Greg as they retreated to their wing of the house.

Bella smirked at me. "I better go make sure Macon doesn't cut his wrists."

I laughed.

"See ya later, Edward. Good game." She smiled as she walked away.

I stood up and stretched. Looking around the room, I noticed that Rosalie, Emmett, and Sarah were gone – retired to their rooms a while ago. Macon and Bella were likely outside. Sue and Greg were in their room.

And I was left here, with no significant other.

It never really bothered me before – being alone. I had been this way all my life so it's not like I had something to miss. And in truth, having someone to love never really appealed to me before. I thought it would be nice, but that's it. It wasn't something I craved or longed for, just something I thought would be okay.

This was all before I met Bella.

From the moment I saw her and felt her electricity, something shifted in me. I wanted her, obviously. And after accepting that I could never have her, well, now I do want a relationship. I want to love and be loved by someone.

The living room was silent and I felt lonely. I wouldn't have felt this way before but of course, everything was different now. And I had a feeling this loneliness would not be going away anytime soon. But what could I do? Every potential person I had met so far didn't appeal to me, just because something shifted, didn't necessarily mean that they would now.

But I didn't want to accept that Bella was the only one for me. Since all the signs were telling me she was so blatantly not. There had to be something more.

I left the empty living room and headed downstairs. My limbs felt heavy and so did my heart. And I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I just wished it would stop.

I wished that I could stop myself from falling for her.

Playing Scene It had been fun and enough to take my worries away for a while. But every little thing Bella did just stunned and amazed me. She drew me in with her voice and her actions. I wanted to reach out and touch her almost every moment. I was impressed by her knowledge and entertained whenever she got excited over an answer. There weren't any awkward moments while we played, since everything was so fast paced and Macon usually did something douche bag-like that lightened the mood and made everyone laugh. And it felt so good to laugh with her, with everyone. I liked the way her eyes lit up when Macon got a buzz card. I loved how she bit her lip and leaned toward the television when it was a My Play.

But now the high of watching her had waned, and I was left to the basement and my sorrows. I felt like such a girl, feeling all depressed. I just couldn't help myself though. I couldn't just write Bella off as some "chick."

No, Bella was much more than that to me. She represented everything I wanted and everything I couldn't have, all in one.

_Just two more days_, I reminded myself. I wasn't quite sure what I would do after those two days–go back to my life of course, but how would I feel? How would I deal?

Whatever, it didn't matter right now. I didn't want to think anymore.

After preparing for bed and seeing that the light upstairs was turned off, I lay on the couch and turned on the TV for a little distraction. This time though, I wasn't interested in the History Channel. No, I had something much better in mind. _The Twilight Zone_. I lived for these holiday marathons.

So, resigning to lose myself in the mind-numbing peace of television, I turned it on real quietly. In fact, it was so quiet I could hear the television on upstairs being turned on, before someone quickly adjusted the volume. I was curious and wide awake so I figured it wouldn't hurt to see who was up at this hour. Maybe it would be Macon and we could chat for a while. I silently padded my way up the stairs in the darkness, following the dim lighting emanating off of the upper television.

At the top of the stairs I could see that Bella was the culprit. She was sitting alone on the sofa with a small throw covering her, watching _The Twilight Zone_. I couldn't help myself from smiling a little at the scene before me. _So she liked the classics, too_, I thought.

My feet moved on their own accord and I stepped out from under the door frame. But, I stopped myself.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't sit out here and watch television with Bella. That wouldn't be right. It was too intimate an act, and there were no witnesses.

She wasn't _mine_.

And fuck, it hurt to see her and think that at the same time. But I couldn't _do_ anything at all. I had already accepted this, and Bella and I had acknowledged and denied our feelings the same night.

It still didn't make things any easier.

* * *

**A/N:** Very quickly, Bella knew Macon for quite some time before they started dating, hence her reaction to his feel up. She knows that he wouldn't hurt her, but at the same time she knows he's an immature ass. It was an unrequited crush so she decided to let him off easy. That's all I have to say. If you have some time and some thoughts, please leave them! Thanks.


	6. Carol of the Bells

Bella-Bella-Boo-What-Will-I-Do-With-You-POV

The room grew silent as everyone waited for the sound clip to begin. This question wasn't extremely crucial for Edward and I. It was the beginning of round two and we had a strong lead, but every turn brought us one step closer to winning again.

The little film strips rose and fell in time with the sound of clicking… no, typing. Rapid typing and nothing else.

"_Ghost_!" I shouted. Everyone sent me a funny look, both saying "You're crazy," and "Be quiet." Tony Goldwyn's voice backed me up, frantic and on the verge of losing it.

"_Something's wrong with the computers!_" Macon literally gaped at me, while Sue clapped adoringly. She wanted to see Macon and Rosalie lose after all.

"All right," Edward laughed. I turned to him and smiled sheepishly as the answer came on the screen. He gave me a genuine grin that reached his eyes – no trace of the awkwardness usually present between us to be found.

It reminded me of the little smiles and looks he gave me today. They weren't as tortured or as forced. Everything between us came a little more naturally since the talk last night – more friendly. We both knew why of course. The big pink elephant in the room was acknowledged. Usually things changed when things like that were no longer ignored.

I felt lighter – but fractionally. Things were both easier and harder between us. Though the awkwardness had faded, the sexual tension still remained. We could try to maintain friendly conversation, but there was no denying the mutual feeling of attraction.

And I didn't really know what to do. I mean, I guess I could just do nothing about it. We were leaving in two days and that would most likely be the end of it. But, as much as I loved Macon and never wanted to hurt him, did I really want to see Edward go?

Those were evil, evil thoughts, I reminded myself. Macon was mine and I was his and that was the way things had been for the past two years. Why should one random attraction change any of that?

I didn't love Edward. I barely even knew him. Sexual attraction was the only thing we could base our relationship on, if you could even call it that!

There, this was right. I liked the way I was thinking now. This was the psyche I should stay with.

And I did . . . until I looked at Edward. Or he looked at me and smiled sweetly and I laughed and turned away. Then my thoughts and intentions would just swirl into a dreamy cluster inside my brain, clouding everything that was right with thoughts of everything that . . . wasn't.

The most frustrating thing for me was that I couldn't understand _why_ one look from Edward could sway me from my faithful status to Macon. I had never been through anything like this before and I had no idea what to expect.

I didn't like that I could lose focus so easily when with Edward. I wasn't the kind of person to treat an attraction outside of my own relationship so casually. It was all new to me and I wished it would stop.

Before I met Edward, I only ever thought of Macon. I was positive that the both of us were in this for the long haul. Why should I have reason to lose sight of that fact, just because Edward suddenly came in the picture?

So he was attractive, and it was pretty obvious he liked me and I liked him. But why should anything between Macon and I have to change? Just because I liked Edward, didn't mean that I had to fall out of love with Macon and forget every commitment we had.

None of it had to change.

"_Naked Gun_," I said offhandedly, recognizing the picture. The characters emerged to where they were supposed to be and Edward snickered at what lay before us.

"Well, that's gross. I'm _glad_ I didn't know that one, you perv," Macon folded his arms across his chest and glared at the screen.

Earlier, I had come to the decision that I could be friends with Edward. Slowly but surely our . . . kind-of-friendship was forming, but that whole ridiculous sexual tension thing was holding us back. Well, I should rephrase that. It really brought us together on numerous occasions, just in the wrong way. There was the snow incident, the ice skating incident, the Odyssey incident, and most recently, the Scene It incident. We couldn't seem to stay apart, whether fate had a something to do with it or our bodies did, somehow, being near each other always happened.

The sexual tension was keeping us from a friendly relationship, but actively encouraging our hormones for a romantic one. I had to remind myself that my body wanted Edward, not my mind. Not yet at least.

But I couldn't let that loose end connect with another. I couldn't think about ever thinking about leaving Macon for Edward, because that wouldn't be fair to either of them. I was already committed. I had made my decision two years ago – even though it was before Edward, it didn't matter.

Things were the way they were now because it was right, and I wasn't supposed to change anything. It wasn't just the fear of hurting Macon that was adding to my decision. It was also the fact that I didn't want to leave him.

At least, I didn't want to think about wanting to think about leaving him. I couldn't let those thoughts pour in because it would only add to my guilt. Then it would possibly make me doubt certain things and think about doing _other_ certain things with Edward that were not acceptable.

Gah, I didn't want to think about it anymore. I was committed to Macon and that was it. That was how it had been, and it was how things would continue.

I had to believe that.

The remainder of the evening passed uneventfully. I found it easier to be happy and accepting if I just stopped over-thinking things.

It was in my nature, though. No matter how much it made me suffer and fret, I had to analyze every detail. I had to justify certain things. I had to clear up the guilt I was feeling for Macon.

I knew that factually, physically, _logically_, I wasn't cheating on him. I hadn't even let myself think of Edward . . . in that way. I couldn't.

But I just felt terrible about being weak to the attraction. If it wasn't a big deal than why was my heart making it so?

Because it _was_ a big deal. I, for the first time in any committed relationship I'd been in, had a wandering eye. I could even call it a lazy eye, since it went off on its own accord all the time without my consent.

And I was terrified.

Macon and I used to watch the show _Cheaters_ every night we got the chance. We were both entertained by the outrageous confrontations between the couples, but when all was said and done and the television was shut off and we went to bed, I couldn't help but ponder as to why they would cheat.

Some of them were married, some had kids, some were just long time daters, and they all cheated. The people on the show lashed out on their once significant others because they were livid – but below all of that, they had to be hurt.

It made me sick to think people could be so heartless. And for the longest time, I couldn't understand why someone would be driven to cheat. In fact, up until two days ago, I hadn't a clue.

But then I met Edward, and these past few days happened and now I knew. If people were hit with any fraction of the attraction he and I shared, well, then, I guess they would cheat.

But I would not do that. I was in a committed relationship and it was just as much my responsibility to maintain it as was Macon's.

I couldn't treat our relationship so casually as to contemplate cheating on him. He deserved so much better than that.

I wasn't going to throw us out the window for a _stranger_. It just wasn't worth it.

But it was hard.

It was hard to ignore Edward.

And if I left in two days, would it be guaranteed to be easier? Would it be worse?

It just _had_ to be easier. Christmas Vacation was clouding enough with my mind as it is, along with the added stress of being away from work. I wasn't thinking clearly. Then there was this whole new experience with Edward.

Perhaps once I got home and was in a familiar Edward-less routine, things would go back to normal and all this drama would just be a small part of my past that I never felt the urge to think on again.

It could be even smaller if I just stopped thinking about it. Truth was, I was making it a bigger deal than it had to be.

I mean, look at Edward. The entire day he had been making lovely efforts to keep things casual between us. It was a good report as far as awkward situations go. Couldn't I just accept that? The sooner I stopped worrying, the sooner my guilt would fade away.

If Edward was as serious as I was about tip-toeing around our attraction, then everything else should just fall in to place – it should be easy.

Hell, he probably wasn't even thinking about me in that way anymore, maybe he never had on such a huge level in the first place.

If so, then these next two days shouldn't be a problem at all. I should just let go, let the chips fall where they please, and stop trying to fix them.

Yeah, I was just overreacting anyway. I was a girl, that's what we did . . .

I really, really wanted to stay up and watch the rest of the episode. I had seen it once before but never really understood the last few lines. The black and white was making me so sleepy though. My eyelids closed.

I woke up shivering and uncomfortably cold. I let out a soft, half-awake groan in frustration. My shirt had ridden up and I wanted to sleep but the throw blanket was on the floor. I was still quite limp in sleep and was just about to fall under again when my eyes detected a shadow moving in the light from the television, still on. Woops.

I was too tired to pay much attention and shut my eyes again, but not before the lazy one caught a glimpse of blonde-tinted-auburn hair.

"Edward," I breathed, brain-filter currently on sleep mode. Eh, maybe this was all a dream. I was feeling too loopy to tell.

I suddenly felt very warm, and barely registered that I was covered again in the heavy throw. With a sigh, every thought left my brain except that of sleep.

I heard the quick patter of footsteps descending the stairs, along with the sound of joints randomly cracking. It must have been early. I opened my eyes a sliver. _Shit_. The light let in from the massive windows was blindingly bright.

Sleeping in felt better so I thought I might try it.

Macon had other plans.

"Bella! Bella! Wake up," he called while frantically shaking my shoulders.

"_Wh-a-a-a-t_?" My voice vibrated with my body.

He pulled me close once I begrudgingly sat up and kissed my hair obnoxiously.

"Oh, ma cherie, are you alright? Did- did Santa- touch you inappropriately, at all last night?"

I groaned in response and pulled away.

"You woke me up for this?" I glared at him hopelessly.

"Guilty?"

I slammed my head forcefully into the pillow and attempted to pull the throw over my head. Macon weighed too much for me to accomplish it successfully, though. Instead I settled for burying my face in the space between the cushions and the armrest.

I felt the absence of his weight as he left and further relaxed. Not a minute later I felt a pair of hands stroking my hair away from my face. I glared at him when my eyes were uncovered. Then I just gaped.

He was standing there in complete seriousness, holding a small Goofy stuffed animal dressed up like Santa.

"Please ignore his attire, I know it may bring back some difficult memories for you, but perhaps it will be easier for you to show me where he touched you, rather than say it out loud?" He finished in a whisper.

I stopped gaping and slapped the stuff animal away. He watched too much _SVU_.

"_God_, Macon, just because you're a pervert doesn't mean that all fantastical characters have to be!"

He feigned recoiling back while putting his hands in the air. "Hey, I don't want any trouble here; I'm just doing my job. Why are you so edgy?"

"Because I was raped last night – No, because this is the second day in a row you woke me up with your ridiculous shenanigans! And I'm _tired_." I think Macon listened to every word I said; he just refused to understand it.

"Well, excuse me for caring about my girlfriend's well-being. You should know, though, that by not reporting your rape it will only hurt more in the long run."

"Macon," I half sighed, half chuckled reluctantly. "Leave me alone,"

It was Christmas though, and since we weren't leaving the house, I knew he'd be by my side all day.

And I couldn't quite figure out why, but the prospect of that sparked, for the very first time, apprehension in me.

Macon and I headed upstairs to brush our teeth. By the time we exited our room everyone else had congregated in the living room, chatting tiredly.

Opening presents went well. It was cute watching Sarah get excited over hers and then slip into denial when there was no more. Macon made a "paper" angel in the mess of tape and ribbons and wrapping paper. I had to gently pull the stray tape from his hair for a good ten minutes. Sue used some super adhesive. That much was certain.

Every once in a while I would catch Edward gazing at me intensely. When our eyes would meet he'd smile in a way that said "Sorry, what can I do?" I understood.

As long as we both made conscious efforts, and I stopped freaking out about things that weren't going to happen unless I willed them to, things would be fine. I just had to relax.

"Nah, nah, Macon doesn't look like a rat – but that's close. He's definitely in the rodent family." Emmett argued with Rosalie.

Everyone was still in the living room. The Christmas morning high had faded slightly. The eggnog induced buzz was still flowing through everyone's veins though.

Someone came up with the idea that we should guess which animal each of us looked most like. The only rule was that while others were guessing yours, you couldn't say anything.

I examined his face closely. His nose was kind of long, but by no means pointy. His eyes were small but not beady. I scanned the bridge of his nose once and it finally clicked.

"A weasel,"

"That's it!" Rosalie agreed.

"I'm a weasel," Macon said slowly.

"Now Bella," Emmett said.

They all scrutinized me intensely for a few moments. Macon poked my face for added affect. Edward looked at me for about seven seconds without blinking before turning away and not looking back again.

"She's a kitty!" Macon shouted enthusiastically.

Emmett, Rosalie, Sue, and Greg studied me for a moment longer before happily agreeing with him.

"It's definitely her eyes. They're huge." Emmett threw in.

"If I lived in a barn, you'd eat me." I told Macon solemnly.

"Or I'd fall in love with you and we'd create a new breed," Macon suggested.

I shrugged then smiled.

Macon rubbed his hands together and turned to Edward. Wordlessly, we all began examining his face.

Here we go again . . .

Well, let's see. Everything about it is pretty much perfection. The lines were harsh but balanced with the smooth pan of skin on his forehead. I'd seen it all before, and looking at it now did the same things to me the first time I saw it.

It put thoughts in my head.

And of course no one could quite place what animal he was, giving us all this extra time to gaze at him unabashedly. His cheeks were tinted pink. I smiled at that.

Macon crawled over to him and sniffed a couple of times, then pulled at his hair.

"Ew, do you use wax?" Edward grimaced and swatted him away, his cheeks turning redder. It was kind of adorable.

"No, my hair's just really weird. I never use product."

"When's the last time you washed it?" Macon prodded unabashedly, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"This morning," he snapped. "When I was younger I washed it twice a day, but nothing helped. My hair has a mind of its own." He tried to repair the mini spikes Macon made.

"Huh, well, at least you never have to waste money on gel and all that crap," Emmett said.

"So if you just wanted your hair to stick straight up, you'd just pull and it would stay frozen all day?" Rosalie was fascinated.

Edward nodded reluctantly, staring at his hands. "Pretty much,"

"That's so cool!" She sat up with Sarah in her lap. "Say, Sarah here is always trying to play with my hair, but I don't let her use anything on it so she doesn't have much fun. You mind if she plays with yours for a bit?" She said it in a way where Edward really didn't have a choice. She was already on here way over to his couch.

He looked less than enthused. "Sure. . ."

"Great!" Since Edward was sitting on the floor Sarah sat on the sofa behind him. She licked her lips in anticipation. I laughed out loud.

His eyes shot to mine, and they were full of light. He smiled widely at me before rolling his eyes and turning away.

"How about a lion?" Sue suggested hopefully after a few more minutes of consideration.

"Nah, the bridge of his nose isn't that huge," Macon scratched his chin.

"I was just thinking about his hair." she trailed off.

He shook his head silently before grinning mischievously. "I've got it," I turned to him thankfully.

"Muhtar Kent,"

"What's a 'Muhtar Kent'?"

"It has to be an _animal_."

"What?"

Macon turned to Rosalie.

"Muhtar Kent, you know, the largest cocaine dealer in the world?"

"Huh, never heard of him," Emmett mused.

Greg laughed. "Macon, what does Muhtar Kent have in common with Edward – you're on a total tangent."

Sue turned to him. "Who is he?"

He laughed harder. "He's the CEO of the Coca-Cola Company, the Turkish CEO."

Macon leaned on his elbows. "I was thinking they had the eyebrow thing in common."

Edward's eye brows were dark and thick but symmetrical.

"Maybe," Greg agreed.

"So I'm not an animal?" Edward flinched slightly when Sarah pulled a little too hard. So far she had made him look like a mad scientist of sorts. I was amazed at how long his hair really was when pulled to its full length.

"Oh, no, you're an animal all right," Macon assured. "Muhtar Kent is his own breed. _Text_books should be re-written."

Emmett laughed before Sue spoke up.

"Well, now that we all know our animals, how about we sing some carols?"

"I'm way ahead of ya!" Macon said, racing over to open the baby grand piano in the entry way.

"Carols?" I asked uncertainly.

Sue was digging through the cupboards below the shelf. "As you know, our family is musically gifted. Every year we like to gather around the piano and sing a few songs for fun," She grunted the last part while digging further. "Rose plays the piano, Macon and I take the soprano, and Greg usually takes the baritone." She started throwing out green folders. "But since you, Edward, and Emmett are with us, Greg will sit out, and Emmett and Edward will act as our baritones." She stood up triumphantly with a sigh, holding several folders. "What about you, dear, are you a soprano or an alto?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I wasn't the singing type. But I was positive I couldn't sing high. "Ah, alto, I guess,"

"Fabulous!" She smiled.

Everyone stood up and stretched before automatically following Sue and Macon to the entry way. Edward caught up with me.

"So I guess we don't even get a choice, huh?" He smiled nicely at me before turning away and trying to flatten his hair.

"Nope, we never do," I smiled.

Sue dispersed the folders among us excitedly.

"You've all heard of Carol of the Bells, correct?"

Rosalie started playing the first part of the song and I nodded, recognizing it. Sue then ordered her to play each of the parts, sopranos first, the coolest part of course, then the alto and baritone parts. We sang the same thing, but the baritones were an octave lower.

The words were easy but it would be difficult staying in range, being the only alto. I hoped my voice wouldn't stand out too much.

We practiced our parts just once before putting them all together for the grand show. I was too shy so I lip synced most of it.

Sue squeezed my shoulders. "You gonna sing this time?" She smiled hugely. I frowned that she caught me but nodded.

"It'll be fun,"

And so they started – Macon in his pitchy soprano and Sue in her crystal clear voice. But they were going fast and before I knew it, I had to sing.

"_Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong!_"

Edward's voice rang loud and clear around me. We were sharing a folder and the sound waves bounced back from the paper to my ears.

I had no idea what came over me but suddenly, I was . . . turned on.

His voice was clear and soft and perfectly in key. It was so alluring. I felt my knees grow weak and I swayed slightly. Edward put a hand on my shoulder to steady me but did not stop singing. He dragged it slowly down my arm until it rested on my elbow. I could feel sparks just emanating from his finger tips. I started singing again, but softly.

Towards the end I just got confused when Edward and I had to sing different parts so I gave up completely. He sang quieter now, and finally let his arm drop.

It wasn't just about the tension between us that evoked the reaction, it was the pure attraction, the pure alluring factor about him.

His body called to mine that much.

Everyone cleared their throats after Rosalie hit the last note.

"Well, that sucked," Macon's voice cracked slightly.

"I think everyone did really well, considering how little we practiced." Sue said, taking over the sympathetic mom facade.

Then the room cleared out, everyone in search of something else to do.

_I'm not cheating, I'm not cheating._

_I have not cheated._

I had been telling myself this all day. And I knew it was right – I knew deep down that nothing had happened.

But I felt so guilty. I felt like these little conversations and smiles and touches were too secret, and too filled with hidden codes.

To the outside, when we interacted, it looked normal. The entire experience felt different though. It felt like sparks and electricity. Flying and free-falling and crazy and loopy.

It was chemistry.

That was the secret part.

And that was why I felt guilty.

It's not like I could help it, when people click, they click. It's unstoppable.

I just wished that we hadn't.

It made everything so much harder for me.

Harder to resist and ignore.

Harder to forget.

It just seemed like every time I convinced myself that things were okay and safe, my mind went on a whirlwind and I became scared again. All I really wanted right now was to stop worrying about everything. If I did that then I wouldn't have to feel guilty.

But I couldn't.

I just couldn't stop thinking about him.

And when a random thought of his smile or laugh slipped into my head, I'd scold myself for thinking that. And then I'd wonder why I thought of it before just surrendering to the guilt and frustration of it all.

It was a mentally-exhausting cycle that centered around my attraction to Edward and my want, no, need, to stay faithful to Macon.

These were the things I was contemplating when I ran into my boyfriend in the hall upstairs.

"Hey, just the girl I was looking for. Come on, I wanna show you something," He led me to our room before rummaging through his duffel bag. I was thankful for the distraction.

"Where's everyone else?" I took my seat on the bottom bunk.

"Ohh, around,"

He sighed while he stood up and marched over to me with an unreadable expression on his face. He was holding something in his fist.

"I was on location in Arnold's Park a few days ago. They have these really cool shops on this fake little boardwalk so I decided to check them out while on my lunch break." He placed a metal charm bracelet in my open hand. "And I found this,"

I took a moment to look at it more closely. It was a chained bracelet with two very tiny charms attached. A dog and a cat. There were no rhinestones or embellishments, just little silver charms.

It was simple and perfect and I loved it.

"I didn't give it to you earlier because it wasn't wrapped, and I figured it be more special this way."

I pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you, Macon, I love it." I whispered into his neck. He pulled away and smiled hopefully. His eyes lit up.

"You do?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course, I couldn't ask for a better gift,"

"Whew, I thought you'd call me cheap,"

"Well, then, you obviously don't know me very well. I'm not a fan of diamonds,"

He sighed. "I'm so lucky,"

I laughed and ruffled his hair. "You are,"

I had a moment of déjà vu suddenly. It wasn't extreme but very there. The light in his eyes, the shirt he was wearing, our previous joking banter.

I had been through it all before.

For every special occasion, every promotion at work, and every holiday in between, Macon had always gotten me these little gifts. Flowers, chocolates, gift cards, ankle bracelets, cell phone covers, things that I needed, things that I wanted, all of them perfect and saying just the right things.

But he had never gotten me a ring.

Not just a ring, but _the_ ring. The one that said, "I want to be with you forever."

For two years, two anniversaries, two birthdays, Valentine's, Christmas', and New Years, he had gotten me gifts, but no ring.

Marriage or permanent commitment of any sort never came up in discussion between us. Besides making the decision to share an apartment a year ago, we had never made any jump to move forward. I think the farthest I had heard Macon talk into the future was a week and a half. Even then it was just about work.

I knew he loved me and wanted to be with me, but this sudden realization of monotony, this _rut_ we were in, was enough to plant a seed of doubt.

Getting engaged just seemed like the logical thing to do after two years of dating and a year of living together. I knew I was ready to handle the responsibility.

But maybe Macon wasn't.

As soon as he left, I wanted to see Edward. So I didn't even have time to contemplate this new found worry of the rut that was Macon and I.

No, that problem couldn't even compare to the monster that was my thoughts about Edward now.

It was almost like a Pandora's Box was opened, or some type of floodgates broke. The added stress and confusion that Macon posed just made me lose it.

I let myself think without restraint.

I didn't know why or how but somehow I ended up on the pantry room floor.

And I just let it all out.

I cried because I was unbelievably frustrated with myself. I didn't want a reason to doubt my relationship with Macon.

But now I had one and that's where Edward came in.

I thought about everything that had happened these past few days and I found myself smiling through my tears wistfully at his memory. His awkwardness. His blush. His sense of humor.

I wanted to run my fingers through his hair despite its probable consistency. I wanted to be the one to make mohawks and nineties boy band spikes out of it.

But I was with Macon. And he loved me. He wouldn't draw us out for two years if he wasn't committed. I didn't want to doubt him.

I just couldn't stop thinking.

What difference would it make, though, if Macon wasn't ready for marriage? He still loved me! It shouldn't _change_ a thing.

And that's when I realized something.

I cared for Edward.

I was making a big deal out of nothing between Macon and I, because I was subconsciously looking for something to doubt, something to blame – a reason to back out.

. . . so I could be with Edward.

I cared for him.

My feelings were no longer just hormones, but cells pumping through my heart and flowing through my veins, screaming for his touch. Screaming for him. And they were growing. My feelings for Edward were quickly becoming a bigger part of me.

And it had all started on December 22nd, 2008, around 9pm.

Everything we had done together, ever little moment we shared, had been relentlessly piling together inside my "Feelings for Edward" file. Now it was what it was.

I cared for Edward much, _much_, more than I wanted to.

And I could finally admit that I wanted him as more than a friend, commitment to Macon be damned.

But I had to do the right thing. I had to remain with him. He was my boyfriend, and I wasn't a cheater. If I were to do things any differently, it would only end in heartbreak.

The choice was easy, but the entire process was an entirely different story.

I now had to make an even bigger effort to avoid Edward. I couldn't even handle a friendship anymore. My feelings were in too much danger of growing deeper. I couldn't let that happen.

So, I would be quiet in Edward's presence. I wouldn't stand near him or smile at him. I just . . . couldn't lead him on to a possible friendship. I'd only fall harder.

It sucked, big time. He didn't deserve to get the cold shoulder from me. But he had to understand that I had only the best intentions. Besides, it was only for one more day.

Then everything would go back to normal.

It had to.

That was the nice thing about ruts. They were familiar.

I jumped in surprise as the door latched open - and because the universe hates me - in walked Edward.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey, I'm not really sure how I feel about this chapter. Writing in EPOV comes much more naturally for me with this story for some reason. So I apologize for any awkwardness with the flow of things. And, because some of you may be loosing hope for our Team Edward, just incase you don't already know, Edward and Bella will end up together one way or another. Just trust me!

Oh! And before I forget, I got an anonymous review sometime ago asking how to pronounce the "Macon" in this story. Bacon with an "M" is correct. Sorry I forgot to mention it sooner. I just can't reply unless you have an account.

Thanks so much for reading and your reviews really motivate me to write! So please, if you have the time, leave one! Thanks again!


	7. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go

Edward's-Happy-Fury-POV

So far today had been a good day. Spending Christmas with the Bradshaw's wasn't as painful as I had made it out to be in my head earlier, and I was happy about that. I wouldn't say they were like a second family to me, but more like an old group of friends from elementary school. They were totally random and nothing they said made sense but that was the fun part, it didn't have to.

I had been pleasant and talkative with Bella, despite the feelings and thoughts these actions stirred in me.

But the thing was, after last night, when I selfishly visited Bella and saw her soft skin and then quickly covered her with the tossed throw, I came to a quiet resolution. If I was looking at things from a completely logical and unbiased standpoint, there would be no inner conflict at all. Bella was Macon's girlfriend and I was his best friend, obviously making her off limits. It was a total no brainer. Nothing else mattered. Not even my feelings, because my friendship with Macon was so much more important than some lustful attraction to his girlfriend.

I, of course, knew that the choice was easy before, but I just never really let myself see it for what it was. I always let myself get lost in thoughts of Bella and what would happen _if_ things were different, if she was mine. And it was wrong.

What I should have done from the very beginning was not be so boneheaded. Fantasizing about her was not going to change anything; it would only make things more complicated for me _and_ her in the long run. We were still awkward with our words and movements around each other. And it was all because of the sexual tension. The sexual tension that I actively enabled.

Gee, I don't know, maybe if I didn't stare at her like I wanted to eat her all the time, things wouldn't be as unnatural with us.

But, no, I just couldn't help myself.

The fact of the matter was, the faster I stopped caring, the sooner I'd get over it.

Now, I was a little more determined.

There was one thing standing in my way though.

I was feeling a little guilty about touching Bella earlier while we sang _Carol of the Bells_. At the time, it was just my body's sudden reaction to stabilizing her while my mind was otherwise occupied with the lyrics and keeping up. But now that I thought about it, there was a way it could be construed as inappropriate to her. I mean, I guess it wasn't entirely necessary. I don't know exactly what got into her, but it's not like she was going to fall. On the contrary, when I placed my hand on her arm, it just seemed to worsen her sudden tipsy condition. I guessed at the time it was just the thought of me, the guy who was admittedly attracted, touching her.

Only when I entered the pantry to get Macon's Mission Chips, did I start thinking twice about it all.

Bella was obviously in a distressed state, and as I looked closer I realized her cheeks were wet and her eyes were bloodshot. She jumped and started to stand up while I stared at her and the Mission Chips placed on the shelf behind her back.

_I shouldn't have touched her earlier_.

She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes furiously as she tried to get around me, but the space was tight.

"I'm sorry about earlier," I blurted out. It was a knee-jerk kind of thing with me. My mind automatically went back to the moment when my hand grazed her arm, and then I saw it in my head slide down slowly before remaining stationary for a few moments. _Why didn't it move!_

I was putting her in a really awkward position right now, adding to the already embarrassing fact that I caught her crying. She probably wanted to get the hell out of here.

She ignored me, still trying to move around. "I was looking for something – guess it's not in here," Her voice was still a little shaky.

I went on, determined. If she left now while I still had things to say it would be even worse seeing her around later. "I shouldn't have touched you; it was out of place,"

"Stop," she said in a stronger voice, tensing.

I finally moved to the side and let her head to the door. Her entire arm had to brush my abdomen and I could feel the muscles contracting. I let out a shuddering breath. I was momentarily distracted.

By the time I grabbed the chips she had her hand on the doorknob and was debating whether to further compose herself or leave. I took the opportunity to try and make sure things were okay. I mean, obviously they weren't going to be great but I didn't want to go back to that awkwardness. I had finally come to terms with the basics of everything. I had decided to leave it alone, but I still didn't want things to be weird between us.

"Are you okay?" I wanted to elaborate more but she was already out of the room.

"Yes, of course,"

I waited until she was out of sight before following her same path towards the living room. Luckily, when I walked in, no one looked wary. They were still watching _A Christmas Story_.

There was one new edition to our little group though, and it wasn't a napping Sarah.

It was Bella. That was to be expected.

She was sitting with Macon, her head resting on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her. That was to be expected too.

He lifted his head. "Mission Chips, whoo!"

I smiled and tossed them across the table to him.

"You don't want any?" He asked as he leaned forward briefly to get them before Bella wrapped herself around him again.

"Not anymore,"

I didn't know why, but all of a sudden I was pissed. Something crazy just came over me. It was almost like when you're at a theme park and some croc-wearing bonehead pushing a stroller is taking their fine time walking God knows where and all you want to do is pass them but there's no room and you want to take their little baseball cap and fling it like a Frisbee five miles away so maybe then they'd run.

Yeah, that was how I felt right now.

It was as intense as it was irrational.

I wanted to throw something.

And I fucking hated _A Christmas Story_.

So I excused myself, claiming that I had to check my mail.

Everyone was so occupied with the movie and themselves that my exit was met with no question or protest. That normally would have made me happy.

But it just fueled my anger.

_Why was Bella doing this to me?_

The thought flew out just as quickly as it flew in, but it got my attention.

Was this why I was mad? Seeing Macon and Bella cuddling?

Fuck that shit.

I _knew_ why she brushed me off so quickly back in the pantry. She didn't want to discuss anything that could possibly hinder her relationship with Macon.

Totally reasonable and expected.

I wouldn't want her to do it for any other reason.

But she blew me off, and then she just went to Macon and yeah, seeing them together like that made me mad.

I wasn't going to deny that fact.

I wanted to though.

I really wished that I could say that none of this bothered me anymore. That after coming to my resolution last night, everything was easy.

I couldn't though.

Today had been a good day, before all this random crap that really shouldn't mean anything to either of us came up.

I should've just kept my mouth shut about everything. Back when I was trying to make things better I was really just complicating things further.

I was either really pissed right now, but officially over the whole Bella thing, or pissed because I still cared. Either way, I was mad and didn't want to see anyone.

I was leaning toward the over it wing though.

Because if Bella came down here at this moment, I wouldn't try to talk to her, I'd probably just seriously contemplate throwing a pillow at her like my stupid teenager alter ego would.

For a moment though, I was thankful for the anger, because with it I couldn't feel sad or torn.

I really _didn't_ care. I was just happy in my fury.

* * *

I tried to stay downstairs for the rest of the afternoon and simply be alone like I had wanted to originally before I agreed to visit. And it worked out pretty well, but only after I agreed to an arm wrestling match upstairs. Emmett beat me and Macon and I beat Macon while he used two hands. I really wasn't even that strong, but Macon had some muscle deficiency disorder or something . . . or maybe he was a girl.

Bella ignored me craftily and never once glanced my way. She half-cheered half-laughed at Macon while he wrestled.

Afterwards I excused myself to call my parents, buying me about one hour and fifty-five minutes in peace. Five minutes were spent catching up with my parents. They were great, great. Having a blast. Merry Christmas.

I checked my mail for the fifth time that afternoon and read some forwards from co-workers, something I never did. They made me laugh and think.

I watched the news.

Later, when it was time for supper and I had no choice, I went upstairs. Bella ignored me again and I got pissed again, but not as bad.

I understood her intentions, and who cared if it wasn't fair, it was right. She was doing the smart thing.

And I was just sitting there wallowing in subconscious self-pity and irrational anger.

By the end of our last evening movie (another event I couldn't get out of without looking like a total moody ass), I had stopped.

Bella was obviously done with me. There was no reason why I should hang on any longer.

It still hurt, but that was a good thing.

It made me stop caring. I still was attracted to her and still believed she would be an amazing girlfriend, but there wasn't anything else attached to it anymore. Looking at the logistics earlier had prepped me for Bella's attitude now – had prepped me for the change.

* * *

I woke up feeling relaxed, sleeping in felt so good. I showered shortly after all the sand was cleared out of my eyes.

While brushing my teeth and looking myself in the mirror the impact of what today was hit me like a karate chop to the trachea.

I was going home soon, within a matter of hours. Perhaps an _hour_. I was leaving this little world of Christmas and Macon and drama and Bella.

God, it felt like I had been in it for years. I hated that feeling, especially since I really didn't want to savor this trip.

I always have fun hanging out with Macon, and his family though I'm reluctant to admit it sometimes, but this trip was more than that. It was a gazillion times more stressful than it needed to be.

I thought back briefly to seeing Bella outside that late night, her complexion glowing rosily in the Christmas lights, the smile on her face. _God_, that felt like a forever ago. The snow. The presents. Everything.

I felt older now.

And back then, I thought my salvation would come on the twenty-sixth. I thought all my problems would be solved and I'd feel this enormous weight lifted off of my shoulders.

I didn't feel like that right now.

I felt, almost, panicky. Yes, that's right, panicky. Not relieved, not eager to leave. No, I felt almost _saddened_ to leave. I was feeling panicky and sad.

_This is not good. This is not good_.

I had to go back to work in a few days. Christmas was over. I probably wouldn't see Macon for awhile – not that that was a depressing fact.

As much as I didn't want to think about Bella or draw connections with my current feelings to her, I did it anyway.

And it made sense after I thought about it.

Things had ended on quite the sour note with us. And yeah, we were leaving soon and none of it _should_ matter.

I wasn't mad anymore, the irrational fury left as quick as it made its obnoxious arrival, and even though our _feelings_ wouldn't mean anything past a car peeling out of the driveway, I didn't want to leave hard feelings on either of our parts. Another loose end between us might not mean anything in the future, but knowing my luck it would probably catch up.

So, everything put aside (even logistics, but I could probably make logic out of intentions), I was going to _attempt_ to speak with Bella alone and close things up. Hopefully once and for all.

I just wanted to make it clear that I only wished for her to be happy with Macon, and that I was sorry for any of my actions that contradicted that. I would take the blame for everything, even _her_ feelings for me if it made her feel better. I could say that if I just ignored her from the beginning neither of us would have anything to feel torn about.

But she didn't exactly want me to do that.

"Bella, just let me have a word in," She wouldn't make eye contact and was shifting to the side, trying to get away and I felt like I shouldn't be doing this.

"Stop," she said weakly, looking hopelessly at the ground.

"_No_, I need to apologize,"

She looked up at me this time. "_No_, you don't. There is nothing to apologize for."

She was shaking her head and shifting her eyes to the window again and I felt like shit.

"My actions," I muttered, not looking at her anymore. "They were out of line,"

"This whole thing is out of line, Edward!" I looked back to her and she looked almost concerned for me under her sudden rage. She dropped her hands. "But we need to leave it as is, right now. Nothing you can say or do will change a thing." I ran my hands through my hair out of habit as her ton grew softer. "Just forget about it, Edward. It's over."

"Bella," I breathed, looking at her a little desperately and a little disbelievingly. I mean, I guess I just didn't really know how to feel or what to say at that moment.

Any sympathy held in her eyes was gone now. "I've gotta go,"

And this time I didn't stop her.

I stayed by the elongated window in the formal dining room and gazed outside to the driveway. Macon was in his car, we had said goodbye already.

I watched Bella speed walk to the car and climb in. Macon said something to her briefly but I didn't see her reaction.

And then they drove off, with freaking _Wham!_ blasting through the speakers.

I laughed bitterly at that before stopping myself and frowning deeply at my thermos of coffee.

I wasn't mad like I would've been.

And I don't think it really hit me, about not seeing Bella anymore, and going back to my normal life, until I pulled onto my street and saw a Christmas tree on the side of the road.

And then I just felt this enormous pang of hurt rip through me like nothing I've ever felt before.

_Bella._

Bella who was with Macon right now and they were probably doing normal coupley things. Like, I don't know. Watching Dr. Phil? Doing laundry?

Whatever they were doing, I bet they were happy.

And then I physically shrugged at that fact and finally listened to Bella's words.

It's over.

Bella's-Silly-Wishful-POV

I didn't feel well. Physically, I was fine, but that would be changing soon if I let my emotional status continue as it was.

I wanted to ignore Edward, but that didn't mean I enjoyed it. It was supposed to make things better, and for the long run it probably would, but for now it wasn't doing much. I felt like crap.

Looking into his eyes earlier, the pain and confusion in them, it almost seemed as if I was breaking his soul in some way. I didn't like that. I wanted all that to go away. But what other choice did I have? I couldn't continue as we had before, the possible consequences were too great. I had to eliminate him from my life in nearly everyway. Of course doing this basically just outed the fact to me that he meant something more than as a friend, but that was okay. As odd as it sounded, I had to accept that in order to stay with Macon.

If I met Milo Ventimiglia in person, I would probably end up liking him as more than a friend. But that was no reason to end a relationship. I _loved_ Macon and was committed to him. I _liked_ Edward but I barely knew him.

But because of the connection Edward and I shared, I just had to take a few extra precautions. Like ignoring him.

And he might not know this, but it did hurt me to do that. I cared for him, and I didn't want him to think that I hated him, but I couldn't let him know the extent of my feelings.

They were crazy extremes but I wasn't in the state of mind to think of a more "Sensitive to Edward's Feelings" Plan, and I was leaving the next day.

To be honest, I just didn't think it was worth it.

I believed it would be better this way.

And in general, it was.

Macon knew nothing of the electric storms of chemistry Edward and I shared, at least I didn't think he did. But I couldn't let myself consider the possibility that he did if he wasn't showing any signs. Then I'd just go crazy.

We were heading home, and our song was on the radio as we left. I took it as a good sign. It put Macon in a good mood and the loud music took my mind off of the fact that I was really hurting inside.

I just had to give it some time.

And I did.

I went back to the vet clinic the very same day we came home. Everything was familiar, yet strange at the same time. I felt like I had been gone for a decade.

The first dog I checked on was a stray pit-mix that was pregnant with puppies, due any day. She wasn't used for fighting in the past, just breeding.

And just like that, I was back in my own little world of innocent animals needing to be spayed or neutered or vaccinated or examined.

During the days it was alright. I never thought of anything but the task at hand. When I got home, I was usually too exhausted to think of anything else but food and Macon's day, which he would recite to me in great detail.

Sometimes at night though, while I stared up at the ceiling and was left to my thoughts, as Macon had fallen asleep hours ago, I thought of Edward. And despite of all my past words of finality and efforts all aiming to push him away, I wondered if he thought of me at all, and if it hurt him too.

But nonetheless I was continuing on with my life and I was sure he was too.

"Hey, Bella, did you know that if you left a goldfish in the dark long enough it would turn white?"

I frowned at the stir fry I was making, disturbed by that thought.

"No, I didn't."

He laughed at that as he continued doing whatever it was he was doing on his iPhone. The only sound for a while was the gentle sizzle of the pan. Macon couldn't have that for long.

"Oh! I almost forgot. A few buddies of mine got the sickest idea that we should go to Time Square for New Years this year,"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we've never done it before and it would be friggin' awesome to go if you ask me."

I thought about the idea for a moment, picturing all the cold, crazy people bunched together on the cold streets in subzero temperatures with huge smiles on their faces and pink noses. It didn't sound like a lot of fun, being cold for hours a head of time saving your spot, and then standing to watch a big shiny ball be lowered to announce the New Year. I could watch it at home and be comfortable.

But where would the fun be in that?

And maybe I'd get a romantic proposal thrown in… nah, that was just silly, wishful thinking. I sighed before answering.

"It sounds like fun, Macon," I turned around and smiled at him.

"So you wanna go?" He continued scrolling around on his phone.

"Of course, that is if you want to,"

"All right then, it's set," I heard him stand and felt his presence behind me as he rested his head on my shoulder. I twisted my head up and pecked him on the lips once before he wrapped his hands around my waist and I continued stirring.

"So it'll be me, you, Jasper, Alice," I smiled but then tuned him out as he rattled off more names. He had a lot of friends. ". . .Edward," I tensed suddenly for a second but relaxed quickly, conscious of Macon's proximity. He'd be able to detect things like that and I didn't want to raise his suspicions.

Once he finished I gathered plates for us and he got two glasses.

"So why Edward?" I asked, curiously. There was no reason _not_ for me to be curious. "You guys never really hang out anymore,"

Macon shrugged at the fridge. "I dunno, he's a great friend and I love him to death. I just figured that we could _rekindle_" He wiggled his eyebrows. "our long lost relationship."

I laughed but it sounded fake even to me.

In truth, at that moment, I wanted to throw up.

* * *

**A/N: **Macon's not gay. Truth is, he's influenced by a lot of my guy friends. They'd all go gay for each other, _jokingly_ of course. lol, or not if you don't get that type of humor.

um... a reviewer once said something about shit hitting the fan, and well, it didn't happen in the chapter she wanted... but if i'm understanding the term correctly, i believe the "shit will hit the fan" in the next chapter.

thanks everyone! reviews make the kiss crazzyyy good :)


	8. I Feel It All

Bella's-Painful-POV

"Bella!" Macon's yell was muffled as it traveled through our apartment to me, supposedly from the kitchen.

"What?" I sounded more annoyed than I intended to. My arms were killing me.

"There are only two working light bulbs in the kitchen fixture now!"

Okay, my arms were on fire. "So?"

There was silence for a few moments, I sighed and tied the clear rubber band tighter, just a few more twists…

I heard footsteps before I saw Macon's reflection in the mirror.

"So, what do we do?"

I exhaled in relief as I let my elbows rest loosely down my sides. There was bunching in one of my twists. I growled in anger as I put my arms up again.

"We do nothing, until we can go to Home Depot and buy the replacements."

He pursed his lips as he stared at my hair, looking utterly confused. "We don't have them around here anywhere?"

"No," I said distractedly, "The ones in the kitchen and dining are special ones that have been here since we moved in. They don't need replacing as much." Miraculously, I repaired the imperfect twist without disrupting the others.

Seemingly satisfied with my answer for the time being, Macon left the room in search of clothing for the evening.

Our New Year's Eve plans had gone through many changes and revisions. First, we wanted to go to Time Square, then one of Macon's buddies suggested that it would be "even sicker" to go to club Luna in Narberth. Macon, at the time intimidated by having to stand for eight hours, clung to that idea until some guy named Liam or Leo, popped up on the radar as one of Macon's "partner's in crime from the days in McAlester," and invited us to a rooftop party in New York City, three miles from the epicenter of the action, but close enough that the two party spheres could collide, or something like that. This Liam or Leo presented everything like he was writing for some travel magazine from North Dakota, desperate for recognition. He projected himself loudly and used colorful words.

Macon, just plain giddy for New Year's plans, swayed towards his offer and finally accepted it.

We were forking over more cash than I would have liked for this particular occasion but Liam/Leo said it would be worth it. Oh, so very worth it.

We would arrive at seven, party our way through the floors devoted to dancing and drinking until we arrived on the roof, where we would then go to our reserved seats, and watch the night writhe away on a big screen displaying the live action going on just three miles away.

_Edward_ would not be joining us.

I wasn't exactly clear on the "why" part. I remember walking in from work one late evening, hearing Macon sigh obnoxiously a few times before I asked him what was wrong and he sighed again and said it was nothing, just that Edward wasn't going.

I found myself doing a happy dance internally, while Macon sat and moped. But, as soon as he was finished with his little mood swing, so was I.

Everything was set now. Edward was no longer going to be a destructive part of my future. Any meeting yet to be made, would most likely occur in the distant future, giving the both of us plenty of time to move on and get over whatever little thing we didn't, but almost, had going on over Christmas.

And because I didn't have to worry about him anymore, I could finally start to let go of my feelings for him. Though at times I found this statement easier said than done, everything faded in time if faced with neglect.

I was at the point now where I was looking back at what happened between us not with queasiness, shame, and heavy regret, but with disdain. I almost felt like a teenager getting over a bad break-up with some scum of a guy. Thoughts like "Was he really worth it?" and "I was _so_ stupid!" were in a constant swirl inside my head. I felt like I had overreacted and dramatized everything. I felt like I wasted a lot of energy on sleepless nights thinking of him, when I really should've been blowing everything off because I had a _boyfriend_ and said boyfriend was _best friends_ with a guy that I was losing my head over. It was ridiculous to even think that Edward would waste much time on me past a second glance on the twenty-sixth. He knew I was taken, why would he ever bother wasting his time?

He's probably already moved on.

Yeah, I bet he has.

And that's a good thing.

A really good thing.

Because I'm totally over it. I've got Macon. I've got a life. Edward isn't worth the fight, and neither am I for him.

Case closed.

Edward's-Lovesick-Man-POV

I was feeling pretty good today. I got to sleep in, then lounge around the house for the morning. I made myself a fail little breakfast of eggs and toast but it was better than my weekday cereal.

Overall I was in a contented mood as I drove over to my parents' house around noon. I was basically always in a contented mood now, just like I was before Christmas.

Time really was the best cure for a lovesick man like me, and though I was still in the early stages of truly letting go, things were much better now than they were the first few days.

I was so… hollow for a while. I wanted to be. I knew things were over, and I knew I had to let go. I guess that was just my way of dealing with things.

For the past few days though, things had been okay.

Just okay.

And I was fine with that. It was the way things were before.

But I think I was happier back then when I was oblivious to what I wanted. Of course now that I _do_ know, it does put a damper on things, especially since I can't have what I _want_ and can't find anything better. But there's still some small shred of happiness I can take from that experience.

The fact that it's over.

That always cheered me up some if I was trying to put myself into an optimistic mood.

Like right now.

I had to put on a happy front for my parents.

"Well, hello, Edward," I smiled at my dad as he outstretched his arm, guiding me inside the house. The second floor was open to the first floor formal living room, and the two story windows let in a lot of light - reflecting off of the white marble tile and walls like ice. Everything was bright and clean, but not sterile, just modern and orderly.

"It's good to see you, Dad," I told him as I sat down on the clean, white arm rest. He sat down on the one kiddy-cornered to me and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped loosely. I knew this position. he'd used it on me ever since I was a kid and first started leaving the house without him. He wanted to catch up, see how I was, what I'd been doing.

"So how's that Miles and Berg's faring?" he routinely asked.

I tilted my head to the side. "Better now since November, stocks are okay, no lay offs in my branch."

He nodded, tightening his eyes around the edges, taking everything I said in a very professional aspect, as if he wasn't talking to me but to one of his students. I always felt that way about him as I was growing up. He didn't necessarily treat me like I was his son taking his class, but more like a great uncle through marriage teaching his grand-nephew. It was slightly more caring than what would be professional, but still too detached to be fatherly.

And then there was the fact that everything about him radiated _intelligence_. He dressed like a professor would, wearing knit sweaters and tan pants, loafers, brown socks. His eyes were aged, wise. His hair was neat and taken care of, not receding though. Thank God, I don't know what I'd do if I started losing my hair one day.

He used really big words when he got into deep discussions. He always had to be right, and most times, he truthfully was, no matter how much me or my mother didn't want to admit it.

Carlisle was just a know-it-all with a PhD in molecular medicine. He was my dad and I loved him.

I heard my mother on the phone in the kitchen, messing with some pots and pans. I shrugged.

"I guess I could get started on those light bulbs,"

He nodded, standing up. "Your mother also has this painting she'd like to put up, but I need your help leveling it."

"Who's it by?" I asked out of curiosity as he passed me the new, energy efficient bulbs.

"Unknown. Esme's got a new obsession with paintings lacking an artist to claim them. She says they have a deeper aura to them than a kept piece."

I nodded slowly while examining the square of a painting resting in the corner. It was of a beach. A white sandy beach with white clouds and white caps in the ocean. At least the vast majority of the water was a deep blue.

Once the ladder was out and the furniture was moved out of the way, my dad stayed on the floor, holding the edges for extra support as I climbed high up and started using the brooms to untwist the bulb, it was a method we'd been doing for years. Dust was flying in my face, and though I wasn't allergic, it gave me the urge to sneeze, which I was about to do before my dad spoke up.

"So Esme was thinking that we'd all drive up together to New York for that party on New Year's, does that sound okay?"

I lost my balance randomly and the sneeze was suddenly scared from me. My heart raced and I could feel the blood throbbing in my head.

Before I could fall completely and end up seriously injuring myself, I steadied, tensely leaning over the ladder and grasping the sides with my hands so tightly that it hurt. My dad was holding onto my calf, looking up at me with concern.

"You alright?" My heightened senses made his voice seem to echo up to me, bounce off the high walls.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat. "I'm fine." My hands were shaking so I took a few deep breaths. I looked down at him and nodded in reassurance before leaning back up and starting the tedious twisting again.

He awkwardly let go of my leg and held on to the ladder loosely again.

"I actually forgot all about that," I told him. And I had. When Macon had called before and asked for me to join him in his New Year's plans, I told him I couldn't, that I already had plans (though at the time, I thought I didn't). Oh, well. At least now I wouldn't be lying to him.

"Well," my dad laughed, "_okay_, I wasn't aware that I had raised such a flighty son."

I looked down sheepishly at him. "Sorry,"

"It just means a lot to your mother for some reason, these silly parties, and she's been missing you lately, so we'd really like for you to join us. You might even have fun. We have VIP tickets and everything."

I nodded assured. "I'll go."

* * *

Time wasn't the only thing necessary to heal wounds and cure a lovesick man. Distractions also helped. And once I had finished the distraction that was my parents and an afternoon of "little favors" and a reward of lunch, I needed another diversion to keep myself from thinking too much about one thing.

So I went to the nearest Borders Bookstore and tried to remember the list I had made on my computer desk at work of books that I wanted to look into. I could only remember one of them, and it wasn't in stock. But that was okay. Time always went at just the right pace when you were looking for something special and you just didn't know it yet. I traveled to the history section and looked over some biographies for a while before settling on four distinct books, ranging from the era of Alexander the Great to the times of William Kaiser II, and sat down to browse through them, see if they were worth my purchase.

The chair that was open before I lost myself in book browsing was now occupied - by a woman with long, dark brown hair.

Now, it wasn't an "Oh, my God, that's Bella!" moment. Not at all. I knew the person in front of me wasn't Bella before I even looked at her face. This woman was older, and decisively taller by the expanse of her long, jean clad legs, spread out before her. Definite trip hazard.

But, in principle, they were alike. Same skin. Same hair.

I sighed deeply and started in a different direction, in hope of finding a new chair. I was suddenly overcome by the memory of wanting her, of being torn all the time. I was glad that that was over. But, the feelings still lingered, and were at times amplified by moments like these - little glimpses into something that reminded me of her.

This, though, was _exactly_ the reason why I poured myself into distractions. Sometimes pointless, like re-watching a sitcom episode I had already seen that very evening, on the station that was set to Central Standard Time. Sometimes meaningful, like playing a melancholy song on the piano that displayed my mood at that moment.

Anything was worth a try, really, because if it frustrated me, it distracted me, and if it made me happy, well, then, that was always a plus.

I just needed something to occupy my mind in order to give my heart - and my imagination for that matter - some time to heal.

Bella's-POV-of-Alice

I studied Macon for a few seconds as he listened intently to someone else across the floor. He was nodding, constantly making eye contact, and occasionally opening his mouth, as if he wanted to say "Yeah…"

These moments were rare - when Macon acted normal… quiet. But it did happen, and at times he could be mature.

He caught my eye and I waved at him. He winked and turned back to the conversation.

I felt a tap on my right shoulder, but knew better, and turned to my left, where Alice appeared.

"Hey!"

"Hey, what's up?" I smiled at her appearance. She was bundled up with some designer scarf and wearing men's gloves, Jasper's presumably. Her nose was a bright pink and in an almost constant state of wrinkle as she sniffled.

"Oh, nothin' much, just thought I'd come visit you. How's your evening been going?" She asked before pulling a tissue out of her trench pocket.

I shrugged and looked down at my boots. "Well, it's been interesting, but this whole party scene isn't really my thing." She nodded, understanding. "Macon seems to be having a nice time though." I looked back at him; this time to find he was holding his hands together, throwing his arms up and down in an ax-swinging motion. I distinctly heard the word "dildo" coming from him.

Alice broke out into a high pitched giggle as she looked from Macon to me. I rolled my eyes. Like I said before, rare.

"So how was your evening?" I asked smiling, trying to change the subject.

She abruptly stopped laughing and sighed, looking forlorn. "Ohh, it was all right."

I narrowed my eyes at her, knowing that she wanted to talk and was counting on me to take the bait.

"What happened, Alice?"

"Well," she began, eyes shifting before making contact with mine. "Things have been a little rocky lately with Jasper and I. I mean, the hard part's over now, but things are still tense between us." I nodded for her to go on.

She threw her hands up once, the oversized gloves draped loosely over the empty finger space. "One of my ex-boyfriends contacted me," she looked at me sideways. "An ex-_high_ school boyfriend. And he just happened to be the one I made a pact with when I was fifteen."

"What kind of pact?" I asked, confused at where this story was going.

"The kind you make when you're stupid." she answered, putting a strip of gum into her mouth. Noting my confusion (I was an outsider in this, after all), she explained further. "We promised each other that if we were both in non-committed relationships at the age of twenty-six, we'd get together again and see what happens."

"But you're with Jasper," I stated.

She looked at me in a "Duhhh…" sort of way before continuing. "Exactly. But he's single and he wants me to get with him."

"That doesn't make sense,"

"I know. And that's what I told him. But," she snapped her gum a few times before sniffling again.

"But…"

"It doesn't matter to him, I guess." We were both silent for a moment, I could hear laughter and music a couple of cheers, but between Alice and I, everything was quiet.

"So… what happened?" I prompted.

She shrugged one shoulder sharply. "I picked Jasper, of course. It's just that," She looked a little guilty and I saw her lip quiver.

"What did you do, Alice?"

She sighed, exasperated. "I didn't _do_ anything. I just… wavered on my decision when I shouldn't have. It's stupid really, there really wasn't any choice, but for a second, I missed what we had back then, and I doubted things and drifted and Jasper got upset and that's when I made my decision.

"Look," she said. "I _love_ Jasper, but you know me. I'm indecisive. I'm easily swayed, even in the most unlikely of situations! But I'm learning. I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground."

I nodded.

"Jasper knows this, and that's why things are fine now. A little tense, but that can't break us," She told me confidently. "Because he's the one."

I gave her a lip-biting smile.

She grinned, all teeth at me, before her eyes wandered across the crowd.

"So," she started. "What about Macon? Is he the one?"

I didn't say anything at first, just stood there and mentally wished that my automatic, without-hesitation-answer could be yes. I knew it wasn't no, but I couldn't quite bring myself to say the opposite, and that frustrated me.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, sympathy in her eyes. "I shouldn't have asked that question. Don't worry about your answer though, really." I raised an eyebrow at her. "You know how a lot of people say that you… you just _know_, _right_ from the beginning. But in real life," she paused. "It's not always like that. I mean, making the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone, it's not always something that can just be made," snapping her fingers, "like that."

I nodded quickly.

"To be honest, I didn't know Jasper was the one right away," she admitted, stroking his gloves softly. "He was just so shy, almost painfully. It was hard to get through to him, to make him give you the time of day. How was I supposed to know he was it? You know?" She looked up at me and I agreed with her. Then she sighed and looked down, her face taking on a wistful look. "But then we got to know each other… and things just fell into place, and at some point, I realized that he really was it, and nothing else mattered anymore."

Silence set in once more as we found ourselves in some sort of "moment" of remembrance before I smiled.

"Aw," I laughed. "That's really cute, Alice."

She tilted her head to the side, hair twitching in that direction. "Thanks. But just kinda keep in mind what I said before." She said seriously. "And remember that love… sometimes, it's a gradual thing, and mutual trust and certainty can only grow with time."

Edward's-Hurts-Like-a-Mother-POV

I noticed that the floors were wet in the other sections of the club, but clean – and possibly refurbished – in the VIP room. The entire place must be a work in progress.

So far the evening had been pretty calm. Boring. My mother's business party was more like a gathering of aged adults chatting quietly at a graduation party. It was mellow. People sipped their drinks, and none of them were radioactively colored.

It was very serene, too. People used soft voices and the laughter was always musical. And I'm also pretty sure that every single song I had heard so far was an acoustic version of the original.

But, if I had to chose between this and the thumping music and people beyond the walls, I would chose this. Definitely this. Club scene was too tacky.

Everything was going smoothly for most of the evening. Most people in the Wilmington Design business were young women. They were all married and their spouses took it up upon themselves to include me in their long, drawn out conversations about sports. And I actually participated. It was better than sitting off to the side and watching the seconds tick by like days at work.

But then I started feeling really… heavy, which in turn made me feel like I was losing my balance. And then I felt dizzy and everything was just off. I realized that I was lightheaded. All the words being spoken to me, the sounds of someone clinking their glass with someone else, it was all amplified, but at the same time, it was like I was watching everything from the outside looking in.

I managed to excuse myself, saying I needed to refill my drink, before just veering off to a clean looking couch and sitting down.

I felt a little better at first. The lightheadedness was gone and things were no longer spinning (or rather, wobbling). But my eyes were dry. It was eleven o'clock and I usually took my contacts out by now.

So I sat there for a little while longer and found that time was actually moving quite fast. It was eleven-fifteen when I next glanced at the clock.

"Ah," I exhaled sharply at the sudden pain on the upper left side of my head. _Fuck, Fuck, Fuck_. It hurt badly.

And then I opened my eyes and squinted them back shut reflexively. Great, now I had a migraine. I stood up slowly, afraid of vertigo, before–probably looking like a douche the whole way–blindly making my way across the room to where I could see my father's blonde hair in the distance. Reflecting light. I squinted.

"Hey," I put my hand on his shoulder. My voice sounded weird. "Do you have any advil, ibuprofen, Excedrin, asprin…?" Now it sounded normal but I couldn't make myself shut up.

He sighed between his teeth and regarded me wearily. "I'm sorry, I don't. Let me ask Esme," He said something to her and she turned to me with a pitiful look on her face, before telling me that she was sorry but she didn't have any. I nodded and then just stared at them for a moment.

"Say, Edward, you don't look too good," my dad said.

"Migraine," I shook my head.

"Hey, Maci, would you happen to have any ibuprofen on you?" I heard my mom laughing as she asked, softening the awkward request.

"Oh, I don't, but I think Jocelyn might. Hey, Jocelyn! Hey, do you have any ibuprofen on you?"

"What's that? Oh, no, I don't. Sorry!"

"It's okay," I found myself saying. "I'll be fine." My mom stepped closer to me, her eyes softened as she regarded me, with a look of bewilderment on her face. She seemed to be attempting to remember the last time she had to take care of a sick child. But, without hesitation, she placed her hand on my forehead and frowned.

"Edward, you're burning up! You need to go sit down."

"No," my dad intervened. "He needs to go outside for a few minutes, cool down. This recycled air isn't going to hurt him, but it won't help either."

My mom nodded in agreement. "Okay, Edward, just show them your ticket and you should be able to get to the roof, no problem. Would you like me to come with you?"

I smirked. "No, I think I can handle it."

"That's what I thought," she said quickly before going after someone named Katie.

"Don't stay out there too long,"

"Oh, I won't," Headache. Throbbing.

* * *

I stumbled out of the elevator, very ungracefully. I still had a mother of a headache and it had only become worse when the soothing acoustic sounds of the VIP room were replaced with some pulsating garbage about sex and phone calls.

I didn't feel like myself. I felt weak and wobbly and my head was throbbing and looking at lights made me squint and then I suddenly got the urge to go to sleep. Even with the distraction of more music and street noises and people laughing obnoxiously, I felt like I could lie down and fall asleep, stay asleep even, for at least two hours.

So I parked it right where I found myself standing. Luckily there was a nice, nice supportive wall there. The brick was rough, but it was cool. And the air was cool too, and really crisp. And I felt like I could go to sleep now.

Something in the back of my mind told me that this was completely and utterly irrational, that I could get mugged or drawn on or something ridiculous. I don't know, it was New York City. Anything could happen.

But, I just wasn't feeling myself. And the pain was so distracting.

And I was _so_ tired.

I closed my eyes.

"Ed-Edward?" A voice that broke as it called my name.

_It's some other Edward. Some other guy who probably doesn't have a bitch of a migraine._

Louder now, clearer, "Edward?"

Resigning to the fact that this person was probably talking to _me_, I let out a little groan of assent. I didn't know who it was, but I wasn't going to look right now. Maybe after I got a few more minutes of rest.

They cleared their throat and I heard the shuffling of clothing. I could feel a presence kneeling beside me. Or could I? Was I just in that state of semi-consciousness where you could control your dreams? Was I making this all up?

Originally, I wasn't going to open my eyes and check, but then the silence persisted and I tried to make the person in my head (or not in my head) say something but they didn't so I got curious and looked.

I jumped back immediately. There, in the flesh, staring at me with big, brown, unreadable eyes was Bella.

And it was an "Oh, my god! That's Bella!" moment, this time.

"Shit," I mumbled, trying to straighten myself up.

"Are you okay?" I could detect genuine concern in her voice.

I knew it didn't mean anything past a Good Samaritan reaching out to someone in need.

Heloooo, Vertigo. My vision went black for a moment and my movements felt heavy again. Shit, I didn't even drink anything yet.

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. "Not particularly. What are you doing here?" Out of the corner of my eye I noticed she was fumbling with a loose string on her mitten, pulling at it nervously.

"I," she began. "I'm here with Macon and his friends. What are you doing here?"

I reached inside of my coat and pulled out the platinum card attached to the string around my neck, showed it to her.

"I'm here with my parents,"

I heard her sigh and I decided to look at her directly, just once. Okay, maybe a few more times.

She was shaking her head, looking at me easily, and her eyes shined with resignation.

Resignation to our chances.

I didn't know what to say. I still had a headache. I was still exhausted. And I still didn't feel like myself. Maybe that was why I wasn't running in the opposite direction or freaking out and apologizing.

Or maybe it was just really over and everything between us…was gone.

I felt her gaze on me, unwavering, so I decided to challenge her by staring right back.

Nope, still there.

She blushed and turned away, but didn't make any move to get up. I just closed my eyes. I was feeling really mellow, even though I shouldn't be. Even though being this close to her made my body scream and pull and tug for her. Even though all the paper mache work covering my heart was cracking.

"Is there something I can get you? Maybe a glass of water?" God bless her for trying to be nice to me. But she needed to leave. So I decided to ask her for the one thing no one seemed to have on them throughout the night.

"Ibuprofen would be quite nice," I waited for the "No, sorry," but it never came. Instead I heard more shuffling, and a zipper.

Of course.

I opened my eyes to find Bella digging through her plum colored tote. She retrieved a small, round, orange container with the name TORBUTROL in big white letters. Underneath that was WYETH ANIMAL HEALTH.

She grabbed the remaining two pills and held them out for me. I took them quickly.

"Sorry, that's all the Advil I have left." She frowned sympathetically before venturing in once again, this time taking out an unopened bottle of water. It was placed on the ground beside me.

I looked stared at the pills dumbly for a moment, wishing I was in a better state of mind to truly recognize and appreciate all she was doing for me. Instead, all I could think about was the constant throbbing on the left side of my head, right above my eye, and how it would spread, then retreat.

"Thank you," I said quietly before taking the water. She turned away and said you're welcome just as softly.

Then she glanced my way out of the corner of her eye and I took that chance to try and awkwardly hand her the water bottle back.

"No, no," she said as her hand touched mine, pushing the bottle towards me, looking confused for a moment when we touched. "Edward, oh, my God, you're burning up." She pulled her hand away sharply.

I wanted to go back downstairs now. I was cold. I didn't have any gloves.

"You need to rest, and drink this water, all of it. And you need to lie down and get comfortable." She looked genuinely worried. And I just found myself unable to look away from her.

She was so pretty tonight. Her hair was consistently curled and there were several small twists combining to make two big ones, pulling the hair away from her face.

God, she was beautiful.

And she was here, taking care of me. It felt nice.

I don't really know why it happened, but the air between us changed then. Something was going to happen. We could both feel it.

We both knew what it was.

And then she made the first move. She looked down at my lips. I was sure of it. Her eyes shifted, now afraid to look at me.

I leaned closer.

She leaned closer and looked at my lips again. Then when her eyes went up to mine I avoided them, instead gazing at her lips. They were a little dry from the cold winter air. I tilted my head closer.

I didn't know what I was doing.

My head still hurt.

I wanted to go to sleep.

I wanted to kiss her first.

I wasn't myself.

I wanted to kiss her.

Everything before this moment - was all our fault. It was irrational and selfish and we knew it was happening.

But then we _did_ kiss, and everything from the moment her lips touched mine on, was completely logical. There were no other options. It just _had_ to happen.

I knew it was wrong. God, I knew it was wrong. Even through the foggy haze of our connection, even past the pulsing in my brain and the sweat I could feel gathering at the base of my neck, I knew it was the worst kind of crime I was committing against Macon… and Bella.

I knew I would be in deep shit when it was over, even if Bella and I never saw each other again. I knew I would be a mess.

But the thing was, if I stopped it the second it started, the same consequences would still be there, would still have the same effect on everything if I kept the kiss going. If I pushed for more.

So I didn't stop.

I was screwed anyway so I might as well enjoy what got me there in the first place.

After we parted the first time, before Bella could have the chance to change her mind (and I knew this was shady on my part), I used a few alluring tricks and got her to stay in the moment.

"Bella," I crooned softly against her lips. Her hands were stiff on my shoulders, mine in her hair. I pecked her slowly, but repeatedly, drawing out each action. It worked. She placed her arms around my neck and pulled me in closer, kissing me with force.

I pulled her high up against me and tilted my head to the side, kissing her deeply, running my tongue along hers softly. It all felt so good. She moaned anxiously into my mouth and I groaned with the same urgency, holding her tightly.

I pushed my face into hers, forcing her to lean back some, and I ran my hands up and down her back, loving the feeling of her weight in my arms.

And the longer we kissed, the more screwed I got, because I became addicted. But I would just have to force myself to live with that, because I knew no matter how much this kiss changed things between us, she still wouldn't be mine. Not now, not if she went back to Macon, not if things ended between them.

Maybe if we had met at a different time under different circumstances, it could have worked out.

But we didn't. This was our situation and we had to deal with it.

It hurt as she started to pull away, and the air around us cleared.

_I might as well get used to this._

I still pulled her in quickly for a kiss, and then it turned into something again.

But it didn't last nearly as long.

She pushed at my chest and I held tight, as tight as I could, for a few seconds, before I heard her cry out, and I let her go.

And I watched her walk away.

Bella's-All-Wrong-POV

People were staring now. They were definitely staring. Looking at me with concern, awkwardly glancing away from me before gazing directly into me again. I heard people saying "Oh," but I never caught the rest of it.

Because I was walking.

Quickly.

I was out of Edward's site now but I was still walking, and when I saw a small sheltered place behind one of the walls set up, overlooking the street, I decided I would walk there.

I just couldn't move fast enough.

I wiped my hand – sticky with Edward's sweat – on the rim of my coat and then proceeded to rub my eyes viciously, taking deep breaths, trying to stop crying, but just making my sobs louder.

I messed up. I knew I did. When I saw Edward – laying there, looking so fragile and weak – the shock of seeing him, combined with concern for his condition, eclipsed all of my past promises and wishes to stay away from him.

I couldn't just leave him there. He obviously needed help, and since I was the first to see him, I was obligated to go check things out. And I was thinking of these things as I made my way to him, therefore not having a game plan as how to help him when I was finally there.

But I guess it wouldn't matter if I did. Something was obviously bound to happen between us at some point – as much as I had been reluctant to admit it at first – considering the crazy chances we had at being thrown together.

There was a girl, and she was drunk and unaware of what was going on around her, and she was singing along with the song currently playing. But she was doing it all wrong. She kept chanting; _Who will be the one to break my heart?_ When in reality, it went; _Ooh, _I'll _be the one who'll break my heart._

I was biting my lip, thinking about the sensation of a big tear rolling down my cheek when I felt a hand on my shoulder. And I immediately thought back to Edward's warm, moist hands on my gooseflesh-covered neck.

"Bella?" Alice came up behind me and regarded me with concern… and something else.

"Bella, who was that guy?" She looked confused. I turned a way and starting rubbing my eyes again.

"Hey, hey, talk to me, Bella, who was he?" I gazed at her from the corner of my eyes and I could tell that she knew. I could see it in her disapproving eyes, trying to fish the words out of me.

And I suddenly wished that I could go back in time and just… just change everything. Or go back to being in Edward's arms and not change a thing.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey, guys. I owe every single one of my readers a huge apology. I wasn't expecting to have such a huge delay, but I don't really like twilight anymore, or twilight fanfiction, or anybody with bronze hair, so... yeah, writing's not easy (or fun anymore). But, I hope you guys can take this chapter as my apology. I'll keep writing as long as you guys want me to, it's not really about me anymore, it's about you guys deserving a completed story. 'Cause you're all really nice.

So thank you for reading!

[Sidenote:] Macon's ax-swinging motion combined with the word "dildo" has something to do with _Jackass_. But I can't remember which movie, just that it was a stunt involving a sledgehammer, a dildo, Bam Margera, and Chris Pontius. _Totally_ random, I know.


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